Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[Guest_3712]

Well done my friend

👏

[kanga_brumby]

Well done CMF if you do turn it into a business I have heard of a craft market in the old convent near the Collingwood children’s farm once a month could be worth investigating.
As for him I have never heard of a leopard changing its spots. I have said before Kids need stability not one thing this week then change every week. Structure times he can call or take her where ever. You are doing great kido.
Kanga

[CMF]

Thax SL and Kanga,m

Yes I think I saw that today when i was looking up craft markets. I will look into it more when i am not so tired. I feel a bit weird today. I want to get stuck into making more things but am too tired to. I think I am overtired as my mind is busy thinking but i was to sleep. I was so proud of my daughter last night but this arvo i felt a little down, like i let my kids down too much. Ok, snap out if it, it's just tiredness.

[CMF]

Feeling a bit useless for some reason.

[BballJ]

Hi CMF,

I just want to start by saying how damn proud of you I am regarding the twilight market, everything seems like it was a big success and you ended up making a small profit so that is just awesome. Please hold your head so high because you deserve it big time.

Your last post, you said you feel useless, what is it that is making you feel this way? Is it regarding your kids, or your day to day life?

I hope you had a better day today as it seems it was posted yesterday or early this morning.

My best,

Jay

[blondguy]

Hey Country Music Festival

Jay (Bballj) is spot on as usual by being damn proud of you. If I can add how proud I am of you too re the twilight market.

Your daughter takes after her mum....seriously

I understand what you wrote about feeling useless as I have felt the same too and leaves me exhausted

I just dont see useless and CMF in the same sentence.....just my opinion. I see a wonderful proactive mum that still manages to find the time to help others with her life experience.

Hugs (if thats okay)

Paul

[Quercus]

Hi CMF,

Jay and Paul have said it all 😊

My first thought reading the progression of your posts (achievement and hope and then feeling useless) was "back to routine"....

When I get out and do something different and exciting and rewarding I feel good. But when I get home I slump.

Part of me feels sad that the little bit of excitement is finished. I'm back home. Back in my routine which doesn't challenge or stimulate me. The feeling fades once I get back into mum mindset but it always seems to happen.

I think of it as wanting freedom. I didn't anticipate that having children would mean I lost my sense of self. I haven't worked out how to balance my responsibilities with my needs as an individual yet.

What do you think?

❤ Nat

[kanga_brumby]

Paul If that's a motion put to the floor of this meeting about CMF You said "I see a wonderful proactive mum that still manages to find the time to help others with her life experience." I second that quote

Peter Kanga Boing

[CMF]

Oh you guys give me way too much credit, thank you all for your beautiful words.

So the question is why do i feel useless? It could be coming down from the high and back to routine. I know some of it is when i look at mu kids and their achievements, mu heart goes out to them and i feel bad that i can't buy tem everything they want, that they save and pay for things themselves. I know this is not a bad thing and it is teaching them things but i feel bad. I can get very tired and snappy and they don't deserve that. My son has been buying alot of his own clothes since he started working but he want labes, no kmart or target. I am happy to buy shorts and tops but not $80 for a t shirt. My daughter gave me half the money for the market stall last week. I didn't ask for it but she was so happy with what she made,and didn't expect it so she insisted on paying half. Her half was $12.50 and she wouldn't take no for an answer. When things like this happen i feel awful for all the times i am too tired to do things for them or for when i snap at them because they do a fair bit for themselves and i feel i do not do enough.

I think i too have not worked out how to balance my responsibilities with my needs especially as i have 99% of the responsibility. I'm ok with that as the time i have when little miss is at kinder is good but it is when i want to do something outside of that time that i get stuck but it can be worked out. I'm Not that good at asking for help. I am anxious about what i will do when she goes to school. The while thought of it is a bit scary, my psych picked up on that straight away. I see her this week, so will be good to have a chat about how i am feeling. Now that i am on comfortable terms with the RE agent again i do feel better and more relaxed about moving. Don't know what i want to do yet because i haven't seen anything i really like but i am becoming comfortable with the idea because i feel supported again now the awkwardness is over. Next year i may approach him again about a job. I think much of my anxieties come from worrying about not having support, maybe it's an abandonment issue but i know i worry what will happen to the kids if...(insert dilemma here)

Anyway, thanks for the rant. Hope you are all doing ok.

cmf x

[Guest_128]

I think that's the most so called normal post I have seen,

you are a good mum CM