Feeling lost and overwhelmed...what happened?

[CMF]

Wow, this was meant to be 'my' year. A new year, a fresh start, a year to focus on what i want to do and where i am headed but i have hit a brick wall and can't break through. Single mum 3 kids. My little one has more kinder sessions so i have 3 days with about 4 hours free. With kids at school/kinder, this was my plan and how i wanted to spend my time i was excited/positive up until last weeks:

Do a few odd jobs around the house, fix a few things, big clean up;

Join a gym, do yoga for relaxation, walk every day - take care of me

Do an online course or some short courses so i can think of going back to work next year when she starts school. I could do something i really enjoy, a new career.

Maybe do some casual work or start a little business from a hobby

How i feel now:

Don't know where to start,anxious, guilty for not doing anything with my free time yet

How will i juggle 2 teenagers and a preppie and work all on my own next year?

If i work next year who will look after the little one on school holidays? I don't want to use school holiday programs when she is in grade prep. The thought makes me sick.

Maybe i should sell the house, just get rid of the mortgage and rent and be free ( i have this thought every month around pmt time) but where would i go and would i be renting forever? I feel overwhelmed with mortgage and bills, just like everyone i guess. Am i running away from responsibility, am i lazy?

I feel i have to be doing something all the time, feel guilty if i take time out (i was fine first week of kinder, this started second week I feel guilty not working, Scared I'll get in trouble for not doing anything yet and for having free time. The course i wanted is too expensive but i can look at other options.

I feel like a lazy mum, bad example to set for my children.

I'm anxious and depressed. i look at others with their families and how they are happy and going out and going away because they can afford to.

Am i crazy for being like this? Am i a lazy person? I had it all planned out, what happened, why have i now fallen like this? I saw a positive future, upgrade my skills, get out there and be something now i cant see it anymore.

I've lost my direction. People have said to give myself time to adjust to having some free time and to take a break and then rethink what i want to do but i'm panicking, like i'm wasting my time and i cant get going. I don't deserve anything i have.

Thanks for reading

cmf x

[blondguy]

Hey CMF (please excuse me hijacking your thread for a moment,,,sorry...)

Dear Jay

Beyond Blue are recruiting for community champions at the moment. Its in the Blue Voices newsletter. I dont do the recruiting as you know but I really hope you can email christopher.banks@beyondblue.org.au

Your outstanding input combined with your experience makes you an ideal person that fits all the criteria Jay

my very best to you

Paul

Excuse me for hijacking your thread CMF xoo

[CMF]

No problem at all Paul.

i second that suggestion Jay. You'd be a great Community Champ.

cmf x

[blondguy]

You are a gem cmf 🙂 Thanks for the latitude on your thread.

I just hope Jay notices what you and I have said as he may not be aware

my kindest

Paul

[CMF]

I hope so too Paul.

He has been very thoughtful checking in on my thread, I'm sure he will see it.Could BB contact people to invite them to become Community Champs? Can we nominate/suggest people?

Mark and Jay have been very supportive to me on this one, just as everyone is. I'm very blessed.

cmf

[blondguy]

You can send your thoughts as to who and why they should be a community champion for sure..Free speech is part on what we stand for and you have been on the forums for a long time now. Any input to management is good input cmf

BB usually take in people that apply as a sign of genuine commitment like MarkJT did ....he is like Jay...Mark just keeps on responding to new threads with his experience and dedication.

Im a volunteer here because of my brother committing suicide when he had Schizophrenia in 1982 and also for the lack of care from health professionals he experienced throughout his illness.

The health professionals training nowadays is so much better since then which is a huge bonus for people with mental health issues 🙂

Nice1 cmf

Paul

[BballJ]

Hi CMF & Paul (blondguy)

I sincerely appreciate the offer and thought to become a community champion. It is quite flattering to come on here this evening and read both your replies to me. I will look into for sure so thank you both for your beautiful replies. They are very, very much appreciated.

I hope today has been kind to you both.

My best,

Jay

[CMF]

My heart is racing tonight.

my brother is here from interstate so my siblings and I had dinner with him. My sister and sister in law both work for banks, as I used to. They were talking about work which triggered my anxiety. It wasn't much fun. I felt a little better when I got home, I apologised to. MY daughter for being so snappy lately and my son chatted to me a bit about school Nd the holidays.i tried to remember how i think and feel when I feel good. My ex annoyed me something he did/said but as suggested I shouldn't waste energy on that. My heart just started racing and I feel a little sick. I'm very tired but it's stopping me from relaxing and sleeping. I just want it to stop.

[BballJ]

Hi CMF,

I think this is key when I say write down how you feel when you feel good, even if it's a song you hear that makes you dance a little and gets you singing, write it down.. because when you try to remember in times of needing it, your mind is all foggy from the anxiety so it can be hard but referring to something written down, during the time of happiness can trigger a good memory or feeling. It's nice that you apologies to your daughter as well.

We all want it to stop that is for sure but it doesn't always work that way unfortunately. When you get these mind racing thoughts and what not... what do you try to do other than remember how it feels to feel good?

My best,

Jay

[CMF]

Hi Jay,

I have some notes on my phone to remind myself how i feel when i feel good. I also like looking up positive quotes and remembering all the positives in my life. The racing heart is annoying, I haven't really experienced it before, just my heart racing, my mind is sort of ok.

My son and i have been butting heads lately however he messaged me yesterday to tell me he got 86% for an oral presentation he had to give for english class. The topic he chose was Public schools are just as good as private schools. He showed me the presentation but then added more to it. His teacher, who used to teach at a private school, was impressed and agreed with all the points made. I was so proud if him and told him he made my day. He has also applied for a part time job and has asked me to hand in his resume at several places. He said all the kids at his new school have part time jobs, at his old school no one did. It looks like the new public school is having a positive impact on him. He completed a science assignment and then added more to it as his friends had put more effort into theirs. I told him how proud i was and apologised to him also for being so cranky of late. He said it is all good. I am really proud of him.

I came across something called Maca. Maca root (lepidium meyenii) is an adaptogen and a member of the cruciferous family, like broccoli and cabbage, but due to it’s unique properties it considered one of the world’s natural “super foods.” Maca is grown high in the mountains of South America, mainly in high altitude regions of Peru.

You can buy it it powder form from the chemist so i picked up some today. I don't know how I came across it but this info came to me so it must mean i need to try it. I'm also taking a fish oil .

How are you going Jay? I'm so sorry, I never ask about you, just ramble on about myself. I don't know your story I hope things are good in your world.

cmf

[CMF]

Well it's my little girls bday in 10 minutes. She already picked out a dress to wear today. My older kids are with their dad and I haven't heard from her dad.

i hope I can make it a nice day for her, my beautiful little girl.