Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

[Elizabeth CP]

I haven't been using the forums much apart from a couple of responses to others posts. I stopped as I was too busy & trying to keep up with the forums was becoming too stressful. In September My husband went to Europe which was great although tiring due to the pace of the tour we did. Unfortunately a few days before returning home I fell heavily on concrete steps hurting my right side. I continued on relying on icepacks to manage the pain. I couldn't sleep because of the pain when lying down. The last day I came down with a bad cold which developed into a chest infection later on. The pain eased after 6 weeks & I recovered from the chest infection but have ongoing problems with fatigue & abdominal discomfort. My GP arranged pathology tests. The blood tests are normal but urine isn't. Today I was sent for a ultrasound of kidneys & bladder. Next week I have a gastroscopy & colonoscopy. My stress levels seem to be escalating out of proportion each time I see the GP & get sent for more tests. Prior to my accident my mental health issues were settling down but the last week it is much worse. I have lost my temper a few times in the last week without much provocation. This is not normal for me. I have been on a diet for several months but I am now finding it really hard to stick to it I just want to go & eat food I know will make me feel worse. The diet is a healthy one which I normally find easy to stick to because the food is satisfying.

I just want to get back on track & feel in control of my life & not feel so stressed & down. I also feel guilty for feeling this way because There is no confirmation of a serious illness.

[Guest_1055]

Hi Elizabeth, I would definitely speak with you. And no pressure to respond or anything. All cool

The trapped feeling would be awful.

Have you considered at all that it's all right not to achieve things every single day. I think some people think they have to, to have any meaning to their existence. Maybe it's a personality trait... I am not sure.

Then sometimes people set their bar far too high and don't alter it when circumstances have changed or are different. Do you think you may be doing that? Just getting out of bed is an achievement sometimes.

As for your hubby... Are you able to do something entirely different that you never thought of. Will your wrist be too painful for that.

You could both talk about your wedding day, talk about walks you have been on, sights you have seen, any memories that brought out laughter. Listen to an audio book together. Have a picnic later in the day (when it's cooler) Have the picnic in your backyard on the grass. Is your hubby able to do that at the moment?

I didn't want to overwhelm you with lots of suggestions and sometimes motivation to do much of anything can vanish.

I would like to hear about how you met your husband... You may have mentioned something before.. I have a vague memory of something you said. No pressure to share it though if you would rather not.

Ok nothing more is coming into my mind to say now. So I will simple say goodnight Elizabeth.

Oh do you like looking up at the moon and stars? It can look really beautiful up there and so huge.

Shelley

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

I rather like Shell's post, I think it is good value and her suggestions worthy ones. I'm not going to write for long because I do not want to make you feel obliged to reply.

You said

know distraction is supposed to help and it does for short periods but
leaves me feeling like I'm wasting time achieving nothing.

OK, however that does not mean distraction does not have its place, and achieves goals of respite and relief, but simply that such things are not on your "important to do" list. You need all sorts of assistance, and mental respite and relief is one of them. Please embrace it. I do as part of the things htat keep me going and it helps.

You do not have to answer 'why would people speak to you' becuse people are speaking ot you. Worry why later.

Covid and heat are things outside your control, and if that curtails how you help your husband that is not your lack, it is circumstances. You love him and sometimes that simply has to be enough.

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

My inner critic has taken up citizenship. It is beyond permanent residency. My dtr returned in Jan from the UK and is living with us until she finds somewhere else. I feel as if Im walking on eggshells feeling guilty about not having a large enough room for her to be comfortable. I keep thinking about how bad a host I am. My house isn't good enough as it is so crowded particularly with her belongings my cooking isn't good enough. Because of my poor mh I'm not good company so I think she wouldn't want to spend time with me but there is nowhere to escape. On top of that my son is visiting from the UK. His wife is a briiliant cook so I feel embarrassed cooking for them as my cooking won't be good enough. The effort of trying to pretend I'm ok is killing me. Feelings of failure and guilt are constant. I'm no longer used to crowds so having all my family visiting to see their brother leaves me stressed and anxious. I ended up hiding in my bedroom half way through the meal while my brother visited to see my son's family. I felt like I was just a waste of space and they were better off without me. I want to see my son but my negative thoughts are spoiling the visit. I am relieved when they are out so I can cry and not pretend to be ok.

[Guest_1055]

May I make a suggestion...

Don't pretend to be ok, when you are not. Its not failure. But real. You are being a real person.

[demonblaster]

Ahh dear Elizabeth hi darl ☺ and to your many friends here 👋

You poor lovey going through so much and your head slamming nothing but negatives at a constant. so hard aye. Sending a long comforting virtual hug 🤗
Incidentally did you know from a hug you can feel an energy coming from the persons chest and good happy chemicals are released.

Elizabeth that's depression talking and I'd say probs a whopping dose of anxiety throwing it's 2 bob in too.

It's our internal bully hun. Why I have no idea but I do know lack of sleep seems to stir it up.
Are you getting any quality rests darl I'm guessing how wound up you are with good reasons probs not poor lady.
Would your GP be able to help with sleep aids if you don't already have anything. Our main strength's in enough sleep which takes time to catch up as you'd know I guess.

Darls I'm slowly starting to learn to talk to negative thoughts. Many when we're wound up aren't necessarily rational which I don't feel is anything bad going on with our personality it's I think our minds trying to help in a weird way for us to address problems.

We hear the thought they say we need to.

Often our problem is we accept and believe what we hear.

I think it wise to consider if it's something we can work on but often I find it's rubbish.
In that case don't allow any further thought or feeling on it. Be firm!

Then you could try this technique if you like is to breathe in the thought deeply...then on exhaling feel it move out and away from you

Hun yes as Croixy mentioned any break from mental pains a win.

We need some variety in our thinking for stimulation and it helps open our minds for better constructive or happier thought

Depression locks negatives which as you know spiral...until we break the pattern.
Distractions a good way

Even for just a few seconds think about something else. Maybe a flower, the colour shape etc or a nice scent and how it makes you feel

Elizabeth I think lovey it could help to show your family this last post. Might be hard but there could be good benefits of them gaining an understanding of where you're at you poor lady. If they know they might be able to support you more.

My heart really does feel for you 🤗
Believe hun you really are very liked and cared about by many 🤗⚘🗯

You're never alone 💗 we're here with you ⚘

I too thought what a good post Shelly ☺ always are ⚘

[Elizabeth CP]

Sorry I'm still struggling so some attempts to post had to be aborted as they were too bad. I love having my dtr back but struggle with the crowded house and feeling I have to fit in with her. Also glad to see my son and is family but became overwhelmed with so much on. The effort of trying to look as if everything was fine was too much. I didn't want them to think I didn't want them but I broke down in tears physically and mentally wrecked by the stress. I wasn't up to explaining what was wrong so felt like an idiot. I no longer have a GP after a very bad visit when I asked for help but was refused the help I needed I can't go into details but it means I can't get treatment I need for very bad back pain causing severe headaches.

I have gone away for a break at the request of my psych who believes I am completely mentally and physically exhausted so I'm unable to carry out normal strategies which would help. someone had to assist me because I couldn't think straight to arrange anything. That person is also checking on my hsb regularly because I couldn't arrange the carers he needed.

My goal is to rest and hopefully recover enough to manage a more sustainable long term plan to improve enough to cope at home without going to pieces. Even resting is hard as I feel guilty getting so bad and not caring for my hsb properly. Turning the voice in my head off is hard.

[quirkywords]

Elizabeth

I am sorry you are still struggling but considering all the pain , health issues and family responsibility you have I think you are doing ok. I sonetimes get upset and I don’t have all your problems.

I hope you get the rest you need during your break. I do hope you recognise how much you are coping with and how important it is for you to recharge your energy. I am glad you are having this time to rest.

[demonblaster]

Dear Elizabeth ⚘

Hi darl ☺ good on you persevering with posting. I feel a sense of achievement in those times getting one out. Hope for you too and that it gives even a touch of release although hard as to write.
It literally can take hrs achieving being the key word what seems an impossible task and yet we do eventually get there.

Lovey for different reasons I understand how it is being where you are mentally/physically.
Incredibly hard 💗and severe health issues on top geez you have so much on your plate poor soul 🤗
Back pains wicked and severe headaches on top bad news.

I'm dearly hoping nows the starting point to recovery.

Yeah it can be near impossible explaining what goes on when mind & body shut down. Maybe down the track hun. For now darls they'd I'd imagine have some understanding.
Good thing they were there although very hard for you. It sounds like their visit might have been the Catalyst towards help.

It sounds like this psychs looking after you too which is really good to see.
And the person helping you out and looking in on hubby sounds like a huge relief taking some load off which you need. Glad there's help starting.

It is extremely hard to apply coping strategies in such a deep state of turmoil.
And being over a considerable period of time too you're doing so well doing as much as you can and do.

I'm concerned about the guilt stopping you from getting the rest you so desperately need hun.

Guilts a very hard and strong emotion.
It can in some situations help towards positive change.
It can also be useless adding to pain.
Anxiety/Depression work well together.

I thought in your situation it's useless as in there's not anything productive to be taken from it.

Thinking more it clearly shows what I've never doubted is your dedication and care for your poor dear hubby.

Maybe there is something that can be taken from it.

I hope you can find some comfort in the knowledge that it'll be easier to give your best in the quality care you give when you're feeling even a little rested which can give a touch of breathing room.
That truths worth focusing on with the little energy you have in the tank hun.

I too think you're doing very well with all considered.

Always good wishes and thoughts Elizabeth and remember although it's good to know how you're going there's no pressure to reply ⚘

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks DB and Quirky, I appreciate your kind thoughts and encouragement. I don't have thee nergy to say much. Just wish I could wave a magic wand to get better. I'm still exhausted and feel like I'll never get better.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Elizabeth CP,
 
Thank you for continuing to post and keep us updated on your life. We are sorry you are still feeling like things never get better and that you are exhausted because of it.
 
We are here for you. We would suggest that you do contact out Support Service on 1300 22 4636 at any time, 24 hours a day and 7 days a week if you feel like speaking to someone and do not have the energy to log in.
 
We are grateful to hear from you.