Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

[Elizabeth CP]

I haven't been using the forums much apart from a couple of responses to others posts. I stopped as I was too busy & trying to keep up with the forums was becoming too stressful. In September My husband went to Europe which was great although tiring due to the pace of the tour we did. Unfortunately a few days before returning home I fell heavily on concrete steps hurting my right side. I continued on relying on icepacks to manage the pain. I couldn't sleep because of the pain when lying down. The last day I came down with a bad cold which developed into a chest infection later on. The pain eased after 6 weeks & I recovered from the chest infection but have ongoing problems with fatigue & abdominal discomfort. My GP arranged pathology tests. The blood tests are normal but urine isn't. Today I was sent for a ultrasound of kidneys & bladder. Next week I have a gastroscopy & colonoscopy. My stress levels seem to be escalating out of proportion each time I see the GP & get sent for more tests. Prior to my accident my mental health issues were settling down but the last week it is much worse. I have lost my temper a few times in the last week without much provocation. This is not normal for me. I have been on a diet for several months but I am now finding it really hard to stick to it I just want to go & eat food I know will make me feel worse. The diet is a healthy one which I normally find easy to stick to because the food is satisfying.

I just want to get back on track & feel in control of my life & not feel so stressed & down. I also feel guilty for feeling this way because There is no confirmation of a serious illness.

[Guest_1055]

Hi dear Elizabeth, you are really struggling there I can tell. And I am so sorry.

You almost sound like you need a punching bag and have a good swing at it to let all the frustrations out. Have you been able to get much sleep?? As you most likely know the lack of it can simply affect everything.

And you may be right in the fact that you are trying to prove that you are not a loser. And you are not, by the way.

And I forgot to say before regarding that thankful list that I do.... well I do not feel thankful at all before I start it. Hence one of the reasons I do it in the first place. My thoughts go like this " I am just so sick of all this washing up... blah blah blah, can't we get a dishwasher" all thought and sometimes said in a complaining tone of voice. Or "we never go on holidays" etc. Anyway I wanted you to know that so you know you are not the only one Elizabeth.

Anyway your voice was heard by me and I do care about you.

Hope you can get a good nights sleep. And a new oven sounds awsome actually.

In kindness to you

shell xx

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Shell, I'm going to sit/ half lie on the settee & watch TV & try to forget all the things needing doing until my husband returns. I need time alone without expectations to get myself together.I don't have the energy for the punching bag ATM

[Elizabeth CP]

I'm feeling a little better but still quite vulnerable. I struggle with being restricted with what I can do safely. Last time I had back problems like this I never got as bad as I did this time & it took several years to recover enough I could sit without pain & carry out normal activities without risking further injury. This thought is making me feel very down & worried about the future. One of the issues is I find I'm needing so much physical & emotional energy to keep going which then leave me vulnerable & even small frustrations cause me to explode.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

Yes back problems can be most frightening, I have that fear at times too. Unfortunately things are not always predictable, sometimes I think my spine has a mind of its own. When it gets worse than before I too worry in case it does not recover back to where things were.

Fortunately it always has, even when totally crippling, and then I've gone on. The only thing I think is happening now is I'm probably more apt to coddle it than is sensible. I had a thing on pain management and this seemed to be a common failing.

Now you have just finished a most taxing holiday and when you were on it had warning signs and tried to press on, even if you did reduce slightly your itinerary. So from one point of view it's behaving as one might normally expect, when stressed greatly it has reacted, but again as in the past it is normal for it to improve when the pressure is off.

In the meantime with pain, restrictions and frustration it's hard to endure. You will master the current circumstances of course, and if it makes you crabby so be it. A chance for others to look after you dealing with your ire. I can be downright unreasonable.

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

In some ways I feel a bit better. My back is a lot better but I still an't cope with sitting normally on a chair. I can lounge back if my back is supported. Still not supposed to lift & have to be very careful bending or twisting so even basic housework I need to be very cautious.

My mood is up & down. I'm OK if I don't have any pressure but feel very lost & without purpose. I don't feel motivated. I can't do what I would normally do without really being careful & can't be bothered with simple tasks. As soon as something goes slightly wrong I give up. I have things which need sorting out but I can't face it. I feel guilty about being so lazy. It is like I've given up & decided I'm totally useless so there is no point trying. I don't know how to get myself back to feeling more motivated to do things I'm capable of.

[Guest_1055]

I am sorry Elizabeth and I am hearing you.

The only thing coming to my mind is itty bitty baby steps. I noticed that you have posted a few posts around the forums. That is not at all useless. So good on you there!

Sometimes that is all one can do and that is set the bar lower for yourself. Like make allowances or something for yourself.

I renember finding no motivation at all to get out of bed even, so even getting up and doing my hair was a step in the right direction. Just a tiny step conquered in a day.

I care about you, but I don't know how to help much Elizabeth.

Shelk xx

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

Getting back to feeling motivated is simple and at the same time hard. You need time.

Shell has given a very sensible post about short steps, she really is spot-on. Same about your offering help elsewhere. If you were looking at someone else in your situation you would not condemn them, it's only the fact it is you that lets you be so harsh.

I have the world's oldest recliner chair, often repaired and never discarded. It is the only really comfortable place that never fails. Maybe you need to find just the right platform as a retreat.

I would imagine sorting things might wait a while, hang in there Elizabeth

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

Shell I wish I knew you in real life & we could both encourage & support each other & do things together. You are such a lovely person Shell. I really appreciate your words of encouragement & support.

Croix I also appreciate your encouragement & support & kind words.I don't have an old recliner!!!! I do have a couch which I sit on sideways with pillows to support my back It is not ideal as it doesn't support my head . I've never been one to sit around much. I miss my living room in my old house with large windows looking over the trees in the valley. I particularly miss the winter sun. This house seems to miss the winter sun through the windows. I wanted to repaint this room hoping to make it feel lighter & brighter. I seen to be sensitive to some colours. One house I used to get depressed in my bedroom until I changed the colour scheme but I can't attempt to move furniture & repaint now with my back. . Sorry I am rambling

[Guest_1055]

I would like to know you apart from these forums as well Elizabeth. We could have adventures together. I have thought about that before actually.

Anyway how are you getting along now? And yeah I think I understand about the sensitive colour thing that you are experiencing. Like red feels hectic and not calming to me, the same with orange. White and ivory are more calming and give the sense of space, cleanness. Mmm blue calming again. Is that similar to you to you think?

And your view from your old house windows sounds beautiful. I would love that as well. Hey maybe you could research different colour paints or something. Or arrange the furniture in a plan on paper or computer too. Less to think about once you are physically able to do more. Just a thought.

Until next time, take care

Shell xx