Feeling down due to fatigue & undiagnosed health issues

[Elizabeth CP]

I haven't been using the forums much apart from a couple of responses to others posts. I stopped as I was too busy & trying to keep up with the forums was becoming too stressful. In September My husband went to Europe which was great although tiring due to the pace of the tour we did. Unfortunately a few days before returning home I fell heavily on concrete steps hurting my right side. I continued on relying on icepacks to manage the pain. I couldn't sleep because of the pain when lying down. The last day I came down with a bad cold which developed into a chest infection later on. The pain eased after 6 weeks & I recovered from the chest infection but have ongoing problems with fatigue & abdominal discomfort. My GP arranged pathology tests. The blood tests are normal but urine isn't. Today I was sent for a ultrasound of kidneys & bladder. Next week I have a gastroscopy & colonoscopy. My stress levels seem to be escalating out of proportion each time I see the GP & get sent for more tests. Prior to my accident my mental health issues were settling down but the last week it is much worse. I have lost my temper a few times in the last week without much provocation. This is not normal for me. I have been on a diet for several months but I am now finding it really hard to stick to it I just want to go & eat food I know will make me feel worse. The diet is a healthy one which I normally find easy to stick to because the food is satisfying.

I just want to get back on track & feel in control of my life & not feel so stressed & down. I also feel guilty for feeling this way because There is no confirmation of a serious illness.

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Shell, Yes I like blue bedrooms as they are calming I prefer cream walls rather than white as I find white a bit clinical & harsh although nice as a contrast & in bathrooms. Brown feels depressing to me & my lounge has chocolate brown brick wall which makes the room feel very dark. I have thought of different ideas including painting the bricks but will have to wait. I had drawn plans for some projects in the garden & living room prior to the holiday.

Yesterday I saw my psychologist & today my psychiatrist. Both encouraged me to go back on sleeping tablets as my sleep has not been good. I stopped taking pain medication & the medication prescribed to relax the muscles. I found I was getting less benefit from them over time as my body got used to them so I felt I needed to stop all meds for a while. Fatigue continues to be a problem although I no longer have pain overnight but I'm waking up often. My thinking has been very negative feeling useless, guilty, unmotivated & no hope for the future. It is easy for others to tell me to stop this but it is not easy to do yourself. I do much better when I have a goal & struggle when I'm restricted.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

Yup, it's real easy to tell others, I specialize in that😐

I too would find dark brick unattractive and not in the least mood lifting. I'm glad you don't have too much pain at night and am not realy surprised you are down, there had to be a reaction to your 'adventures'.

So what sort of an activity can you do at the moment to provide you with a goal? Anything from writing a novella to nailing down your genealogy to ... dealers choice.

Croix (who went with the flow and actually tried an emoticon!)

[Elizabeth CP]

Thanks Croix, I won't add any emoticons as I have no idea how to. What I REALLY HATE is when my psych asks What would you advice someone to do if they were in your shoes!!!! He knows that I have worked with people with mental & physical illnesses & have given them lots of advice. But it is easy as an objective professional. Not so easy talking to yourself. The last time I tried to write a book was when I was 10 1/2 just before being caught in a bushfire. My childhood dream of being an author went up in smoke along with some other dreams never to be resurrected. Geneology means sitting down going through information. I can't manage the sitting or the mental concentration ATM. I am trying to sort through the photos I took but get tired because I can't sit normally & have to keep getting up to give my back a break. Hopefully if I take the sleeping tablets I will get some sleep & feel a bit better so I can cope.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

Yes having one's own words served back on metaphorical toast can be hard to swallow:)

I find the stable-table (a sort of mini-beanbag glued under a tray), and a tabletop wiht a stalk on one side going down to a set of wheels both excellent inventions. Allow me any posture and still remain within reach. Light enough to put to one side whenever.

I've often thought about having a rope from the ceiling with a handle on it, but have manage to lever up with a stick so far

Dear me, I'm turning this into a disability aids account, better stop.

Do you have many photos to sort? I'd suppose they are on a computer.

Croix

[Elizabeth CP]

I have tons of photos. I just looked at one group taken on the really bad day. Bit depressing as the rain & grey skies & water on the lens made for bad photos & not great memories. On the other hand the one good day I took so many photos I feel overwhelmed trying to deal with them. Yes I know First World problem!!!! I'm aiming for one days photos at a time Trying to do more will not work in my current state. Normally I'm very mobile & fight against being restricted. My mum started having falls when I was a teenager & avoided going out alone for fear of falling. She was in a wheelchair in her mid 50s. I probably push myself to avoid that happening to me. I need to get some sleep.

so I'd better close

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

Looking at images of rainy days is good when the weather is very hot, reminds one of being cool. A day's photos at a time seems pretty reasonable if you were a keen photographer and took lot of shots.

It must have been very hard on your mum, being so restricted. It sounds as if you have a different set of problems to her.

Happy sorting

Croix

[Lost_Girl]

Dear Elizabeth,

You are truly amazing. I can tell you don't feel that right now but I want to assure you that it is true.

It took me a while to read back and catch up with you. Thank you so much for taking out some time to check in with me when things have been so overwhelming for you.

There is a lot of change in there with the move. Huge physical challenges with the overseas trip not to mention your pain and sleep issues. I have tears still from reading this. Some of the things you wrote could have been me a few months ago. I understand with much compassion how hard it is to be unable to do all the things you want to be able to do. The guilt in feeling that you are letting others down, but moreso like you are letting yourself down. I can tell from your words that logically you know that you are not letting anyone down but I know too clear that feeling. The same feeling when I would have to tell my kids that I can't even walk them to a local park for example.

Things that have helped me with those voices that tell me I am not enough are:

• I remind myself that if I push through I can make it worse and recovery will take longer
• The achievement I will feel in accomplishing 1 thing now at the expense of my health will not make up for the guilt I feel not doing the next 10 things.
• Even though I feel like I am letting everyone down, I need to believe them when they say it is ok. They don't want me to get worse either
• I can add value to their lives in other ways even if it isn't what my ideal looks like

Things that help with sleep;

• If taking sleep meds, take at a consistent time each night
• Turn off as many lights as possible so it is dark
• Stop using screens after taking meds
• Reading - helps tire my eyes and helps get my mind to focus on something not stressful. Helps my mind to rest from my own thoughts
• Practice breathing. Slow normal breathing in through the nose and out the mouth.

Ideas to destress

• Practice saying no. Try not to take on too much as it can be overwhelming. You can only do so much.
• People will still be there for you to help them when you are feeling better.
• Instead of fixating on what you can't do, make plans for what you will do when you are doing better. For example ideas on the wall. Pinterest is great for finding and keeping ideas for decorating etc.
• Remember to pace your activity. If the body says no after an hour, an hour it is.

You probably know all this. I know how frustrating it is. My heart goes out to you xx

[Elizabeth CP]

Thank you Carol for your thoughts & comments. All of them are correct and while I know them I need reminding at times. There are others who may experience similar things & your advice is so clearly written it is easy for others to read & understand. Hope you continue to improve. I am better than I was but still can't sit long without pain which restricts the more restful activities. Like you I find reading before going to sleep helpful.

[Elizabeth CP]

I was improving & was able to tolerate sitting in a normal chair rather than propped in a reclined position but crashed today. Had a sleepless night tossing & turning with my mind on the go constantly. I ran out of sleeping tablets so need to find my script to buy some more. Today I didn't have time or energy to exercise before church & then couldn't cope with sitting & couldn't concentrate due to fatigue. I went because my husband can't drive himself. Now feel flat, tired & useless.

[Croix]

Dear Elizabeth~

It's very frustrating when we get a taste of improvement, such as being able to sit, then having it snatched away.

I guess if one looks for a ray of light then the result of running out of tablets might account for part of it. Something that is controllable reasonably easily. Hopefully with a fresh supply and sleep sorted things will get back on track.

Flat and tired I can well understand - but useless? Come on, chauffeuring and accompanying your husband is surely enough for one day.

Croix