Feeling desperate to make this stop

[Lilly99]

Hi there, this is my first post which is really scary. Anyway I am not good feeling really depressed and anxious . I have tried everything psychiatrists, psychologists. Mental health nurses. Medication , I even spent 4 weeks in mental hospital to have tms which obviously didn’t work . Anyway feeling like life isn’t worth living . I feel like I have had enough of this battle called life . No matter what I try nothing works . I couldn’t be more of a joke and a waste of space really what’s the point I am never going it get better . Do people ever truly get better?

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo,

I hope you are well.

I am going to be in hospital for another couple of weeks . But be out for my son’s court case in 2 weeks time . Freaking out completely about it. Not sure how I will cope in court

My hospital stay is a little better this time . In the beginning I was so overwhelmed and couldn’t go to groups but now I am pushing myself to go and slowly speaking to people. The psychiatrist has tried different medication but still feeling bad. He has given me medicine for my nightmares which has helped . He had suggested more than once to have ECT which obviously I am not to keen about.

At this stage wondering how I will cope when I leave although things might improve This is so hard everyday is a struggle . Trying to stay positive but a lot of negative thoughts. They teach a lot of mindfulness techniques which I struggle with because it’s hard to believe the things I need to tell myself . I am trying Jojo but I just worry if I will ever get better.

Sorry I haven’t been responding to your posts

Take care of yourself

lilly

[Saree_p]

Boo Lilly 👀

I am so proud of you for getting help - you have done an amazing job!

If the mediations are working to well, ECT is another option - considering how you feel, do you think it's worth a shot?

May the force be with you dear friend,

Saree

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Welcome back! Good to hear from you! I am so glad this admission has been better than the last one and it is okay if you don’t reply. Take this time for you xxx

I have never had ECT, but my Dad did and it helped him. He had major depressive disorder. I guess it is a decision that only you can make.

I am glad you have managed to attend some groups - very well done Lilly, that is a big step forward.

I am going well. I am about to get some work done on my backyard to remove the overgrown shrubs and replace them with dwarf native plants. Really looking forward to getting it done.

So keep on with the good work and take care of yourself xox

With lots of love and hugs YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯🐾

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Just popping in to see how you are and wondering if the mindfulness is helpful? That’s good you are getting meds to help with your nightmares. Hopefully you sleep better now.

My best friend has just been admitted to hospital with shortness of breath and has to see a cardiologist, so I am a bit anxious and worried about her. Hopefully she will be okay.

That’s why it’s important to make the most of each day as you don’t know what’s coming next.

Take good care of yourself and learn as much as possible while you are in hospital xox

With lots of love and hugs YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯🐾

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo,

I am so sorry to hear about your best friend. I hope she is okay. It’s very hard to watch someone close to you going through that. My thoughts are with you and your friend.

I still feel really bad Jojo . Honestly don’t know what’s going on. My psychiatrist keeps on increasing my medication but I feel know different . I am trying to think positive but it’s just really hard . I went to a group this morning and went into full blown panic it’s so hard to control . I am seeing the psychiatrist later today . He did say because I have had this so long it will take time . I really think I am cause though . Wondering how o will manage going home with so much happening . I really need to leave here well

Sorry feeling really lost and negative.

Hope you are well .

Lilly

[White_Rose]

Hello Lilly

I have been reading about your progress and I am so impressed at how hard you are trying. Your psych is so right. Long term problems need a long term solution. It can feel as though nothing is happening until you suddenly realise one day that you life has changed for the better. One of those lightbulb moments. It is amazing to see how far you have come despite all the worries, the constant trying etc. To suddenly realise you can see the sun again makes everything worthwhile.

Can I ask you to focus on what is happening in hospital and how you are responding. I know there are the other worries in your life but if you can put them to one side while you are in hospital it will help with the healing. You cannot change anything about your son's court appearance at this stage so please concentrate on getting well again. This will be great for you and also your sons regaining a less stressed mother.

Sorry to learn about your panic attack in the group. Good place for it to happen though as those running the group will be able to talk to your psych. Hopefully you will get some help on managing now the staff can see how this affects you.

Medication can be a great help if only to allow you to be as stable as possible. Please persevere. Ask the psych what you can expect from meds. It's always helpful to know how anything works and meds are no exception. Have you talked with the psych about the upcoming court appearance? I think it would be a good idea to ask him/her about managing your emotions and how to stay calm. I know it's not easy but then the achievements you value most are always those you have worked hard on.

Keep on pushing towards your wellness goal and you will get there. As I have said before, you are definitely moving forward.

Mary

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Hang in there Lilly you have been unwell for a long time so progress may be slow. I am glad you are pushing through and going to groups despite sometimes having panic attacks. So very well done xxx

My best friend is still in hospital as she has enlargement of her heart which is quite worrying. Don’t know what I would do if anything happens to her.

I hope you feel stronger and less overwhelmed when you leave hospital so that you can deal with the court case. Have you heard from your son?

Take care and sending you some positive vibes xox

With lots of love and hugs YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯🐸🐾

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo.

I hope your friend is feeling better. My thoughts are with you both.

Lilly

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Thank you for your kind thoughts. My friend has just been discharged from hospital. She is on medication and has to make certain lifestyle changes to manage her heart condition. I am quite relieved although still worry about her.

So how are you feeling now, any improvement? Is this your last week in hospital?

I truly hope you have had some benefit from this admission and come home ready to cope with whatever life brings.

Wishing you well xox

With lots of love and hugs YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯👋💐

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Just wondering how you are going and how you are coping? Are you still in hospital? Are you feeling stronger?

It must be getting close to your son’s court appearance so I hope everything goes well.

Well I have had a makeover of my backyard today. All the overgrown shrubs are gone and have been replaced with dwarf native plants- mainly grevilleas. It looks really great.

Hope you are starting to feel a bit better. Getting well takes time and you have to keep working at it xox

With lots of love and hugs YFF Jojo 🌻🕯🤗💝🐾