Feeling desperate to make this stop

[Lilly99]

Hi there, this is my first post which is really scary. Anyway I am not good feeling really depressed and anxious . I have tried everything psychiatrists, psychologists. Mental health nurses. Medication , I even spent 4 weeks in mental hospital to have tms which obviously didn’t work . Anyway feeling like life isn’t worth living . I feel like I have had enough of this battle called life . No matter what I try nothing works . I couldn’t be more of a joke and a waste of space really what’s the point I am never going it get better . Do people ever truly get better?

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Hope life is going better for you and hope the court case went well. It’s okay if you don’t want to share. Just want you to know I am still here for you if you ever feel like posting again.

Take good care of yourself dear friend xox

With lots of love and hugs YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯💐

[White_Rose]

Hello Lilly

How are you going? Are you still in hospital? I have not been on the forum for a while so not sure where you are.

The court case is coming up soon I understand. Will you go to court? May be a good idea to get some tips from the psych on keeping calm. It's bound to be stressful for all of you.

Do you think this time in hospital has been good for you? It's good to accept who you are now then work towards changing those bits you feel need attention. Would love to hear from you if you have time. In some ways it's good you are not posting as I presume you are working hard in hospital.

Mary

[Lilly99]

Hi everyone

Thank you for being here for me.

Well I have been in hospital for 6 weeks. I just got transferred to another hospital for ECT yesterday. Honestly I Just don’t know any more.

My son’s court case has been adjourned pending more evidence.

I hope everybody is keeping well. Sorry I haven’t been posting.

Lilly

[White_Rose]

Hello Lilly

Thank you for letting us know what is happening for you. I had not realised you had been in hospital for six weeks. How are you feeling?

Not sure if having your son's court case adjourned is a good thing or not. There is still the tension of wondering what will happen. On the other hand having more evidence may mean the charges will be dropped, so there is still the tension.

Have you started your ECT treatment yet? I think this can be a very scary process. You have not had this treatment before I understand. Your psychiatrist wants the best for you and believes this is the best way to help you. I don't know a lot about it other than ECT is far better these days than in the past. You will be well cared for in the hospital.

Have you got a private room? I know this was something you valued in the other hospital and it does give you a place to be alone when you need it. When I have been in hospital for any reason I really like having a room to myself.

You are taking great steps forward and in a few weeks your life may be so much more comfortable. Hold on to that thought. No need to apologise for not posting when you don't feel up to it. Just drop us a line when you can to let us know how you are going.

Mary

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Good to hear from you. Sounds like you are making some very important decisions regarding your mental health. Well done!

That is good about the court case as it means you can concentrate on getting well rather than leaving hospital too soon.

I hope the ECT is helpful for you. It certainly made a difference to my Dad when he had it.

So keep on keeping on - you are doing really well xox

With lots of love and hugs YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯💐

[Saree_p]

Best of luck Lilly 😊

Your doing so well.

Saree

[Lilly99]

Hello everyone,
Thank you for your kind words of encouragement.
I am not doing very well if not worse. I had my first ECT Treatment yesterday. Feeling a bit sore in the jaw and really depressed.
I am trying to keep going but I’m feeling life is hopeless. This is my Seventh week in hospital with no change.
How do I keep fighting the fight.? It’s just so hard.
Thinking of you all.
Lilly

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

I am so sorry you are still really struggling with depression. However, don’t give up on ECT just yet as I think you need quite a few sessions before it is effective. I know my Dad did. I hope and pray it works for you too and you have a huge breakthrough. You certainly deserve it.

You are so brave Lilly don’t give up now, there is still hope for you. Well done for staying in hospital longer than you had initially planned. What sort of groups have you been doing? Do you think the change to your medication has helped?

We have just had a really hot day reaching 38 degrees so had to go for coffee and a walk earlier in the morning. We saw a few dolphins in the estuary which was lovely.

So take good care of yourself and keep your spirits up xox

With lots of love and hugs YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯💝

[Lilly99]

Hi everyone,

Well left hospital today after 8 ecg sessions and 8 weeks in hospital. I just don’t know how I feel. Almost lost and pretty desperate . Sick of living my life . Just not coping I don’t think I will ever be well. Seeing another psychiatrist tomorrow pointless really . Maybe I am sick of the never ending battle of emotions. Maybe I need to give up. I think I am sick of living my life . Sorry feeling hopeless I am such a joke.

Lilly

[White_Rose]

Dear Lilly

Many congratulations on getting through your ECG treatment. I'm sure it was difficult both physically and emotionally. Now you are seeing a new psychiatrist which I think sounds good, after your previous psych. I know how easy it is for me to say keep strong and how hard it is do this. I know you do not believe it but you have shown great tenacity since you have been writing here. That's not easy but you have managed.

The prospect of keeping on doing this is very daunting. It feels so unending getting through each day and waking up to the same struggle the next day. As I have said before, I know my difficulties are different to yours, but I also wake up to the challenges and fears of each new day. Sometimes I simply want to get it over with so I can stop fighting.

My haematologist told me recently my treatment has stopped working and I need to start something else. Huge sigh. Why bother is the thought I have. It will all end the same way. I'm sure I have told you I am quite stubborn and I think you are also. No matter what we think or feel we do find the strength to move forward, however small the steps.

I think writing in here has been good for you. Jojo has been a tremendous support and so has Saree. You have people here to help and comfort you. My contributions are fewer because I get tired easily and I also need to post to others. My days seem to be filled with medical appointments at times. Today is a miracle, nowhere I need to be except here. My lovely cleaning lady came early and I have a good looking home again. I'm not a housework person. I have written several posts and now need a coffee. I'm sure I have coffee in my veins instead of blood. Then I am going to do more work on a cross stitch project I am making for a dear friend.

Keep strong Lilly, you will get better.

Mary