Feeling desperate to make this stop

[Lilly99]

Hi there, this is my first post which is really scary. Anyway I am not good feeling really depressed and anxious . I have tried everything psychiatrists, psychologists. Mental health nurses. Medication , I even spent 4 weeks in mental hospital to have tms which obviously didn’t work . Anyway feeling like life isn’t worth living . I feel like I have had enough of this battle called life . No matter what I try nothing works . I couldn’t be more of a joke and a waste of space really what’s the point I am never going it get better . Do people ever truly get better?

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Its really good to hear from you. Sorry you have the flu hope that improves and you’re feeling better soon.

Please try to continue with the psychologist as counselling is often very much a love/ hate relationship. However, you never know when you will make a breakthrough so it is well worth persevering.

You don’t have to apologise as you haven’t caused any trouble Lilly. And you are way too hard on yourself. Your home life is extremely difficult and you can’t do any more than you are doing now. Hopefully once the court case is over things will settle down and become more manageable.

Wayne and I both thoroughly enjoyed the Japanese drumming show. It was everything it promised to be and more - high energy, visually stunning and the largest drums made the whole building shake! There was even a bit of comedy in the act. The drummers got a standing ovation and had to do several encores. It was a top night.

My thoughts and prayers are with you dear friend xox

With lots of love and hugs YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯

[Saree_p]

Dearest Lilly,

The flu has been going around, I hope you are feeling better?

You have been amazingly brave!!

Jojo and Mary have given you wonderful advice and wisdom.

you are doing amazing!!

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

I hope your flu has started to improve and you are not feeling so down. Would drop of some chicken noodle soup for you if that were at all possible 🍲.

Have you tried taking a multivitamin? I take one every second day and haven’t had the flu or a cold in years (touch wood!). It certainly works for me.

Snuggle up in bed and keep warm and hopefully you will start to improve soon.

Thoughts are with you and wishing you well xox

With lots of love and hugs YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯

[Lilly99]

DearJojo, Saree and Mary

Still very sick with the flu . I would love your chicken soup. I am going into hospital tomorrow it’s pretty well a choice voluntary or involuntary so going voluntary . Not feeling good about it at all . Worried about my family at home , worried about how I am going to cope while in there. Freaking out completely. So close to backing out . Worried its all going to be for nothing and feeling the same when I get out . I can only stay for about 2 1/2 weeks because of my children . Feeling extremely scared already in full blown panic .

I am not sure if or when I can post while there.

I am so happy you had a great night with Wayne Jojo . And have movies to look forward to .

Thank you saree but I don’t feel brave at all . But I think you are extremely brave and amazing . Take care of yourself .

Lilly

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Will be thinking of you tomorrow when you go into hospital. You are brave Lilly even if you don’t feel it. Hopefully this will be a turning point for you and give you time to focus on yourself for a change.

Try not to worry about your family as I am sure they will manage for a few weeks without you. They might even appreciate everything you do for them when you come home.

Try to keep us posted if you feel like it and are allowed to. I believe in you Lilly that you will manage hospital better this time than the time before.

My thoughts and prayers are with you dear friend xox

With lots of love and hugs YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Have been thinking about you today and hope you are settling into the ward. I think this is a good place for you to be as you have been so overwhelmed lately with everything that’s going on in your life.

Try and remember your breathing exercises when you feel stressed or uncomfortable.

I am not going to keep messaging you unless I know you are able to read them. So let me know what the set up is there. I am not deserting you Lilly it just makes sense and look forward to hearing how you are getting on.

Hope the flu is improving and hasn’t affected your asthma too much. Take good care of yourself.

Hope to hear from you soon xox

With lots of love and hugs YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯🐨🦔

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo,

Its fine I can read your messages but I may not respond very quickly . But don’t feel you have to post . You probably need a break from me . So it’s fine you don’t have to feel you need to post every day . Just whenever you feel like it .

I have to share a room. And I am not social which is part of my anxiety . I am at the back of the hospital so not close to a door which I am freaking out about especially once it’s locked . Kinda mentioned it to the psychiatrist but the hospital is full so I have to wait for a single room closer to a door . Atm to scared to leave my room . So far I want to get the hell out of here.

Group therapy was mentioned and well not sure how will handle that . Wondering how I am going to go tonight . Very panicky . My asthma is playing up with my flu but they are going to sort that out as well .

Wondering what’s happening at home . Far out

Hope you are well Jojo

lilly

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

That is great we can still keep in touch and it is okay if you can’t reply regularly. Just concentrate on your treatment and well done for going to hospital voluntarily that takes great courage Lilly.

I hope you can have a single room soon as that always helps make things a bit easier.

Try and give group therapy a go even if you don’t say much you can often learn by listening to others and it will pass the time.

Poppy is madly trying to get the squeaker out of her new toy which makes me laugh and is driving her nuts!

Take care and I’ll talk to you soon xox

With lots of love and hugs YFF Jojo 🌻🤗🕯🐨🦔🍲

[White_Rose]

Hello Lilly

How is the 'flu going? Hope you have been resting and getting well again. I had the 'flu earlier in the year. It's not being sick that drags us down it's the lethargy that follows which is hard to cope with. Being able to rest will help you get well sooner.

It's natural to worry about your children but you know, there are times when you must care for yourself first. Yes, of course you think you must put your family first but it's not always the best thing to do. The boys can manage. I expect you are thinking they have not managed so far, which is true, but maybe you being in hospital will be a wake up call for them. Are they visiting you?

How are you going in hospital? Do you have a single room yet? Of course you want to go home. Hospitals are scary places at time. Lilly, I am going to be blunt which hope will not upset you. You are in hospital for a reason. No matter what is happening outside you can do nothing about it. You keep saying you will come out of hospital the same as when you went in. This is your decision. Simply wait it out or make an effort to get well. Tell yourself you can get better and do have the capacity to get well. Every time one of these failure thoughts come up counter it by saying you are in a place to get well and you will do this. Saying you are a failure is a habit and your way of excusing yourself from getting well.

There are many things we cannot do, largely because we do not want to do them. This applies to your mental health. You are the person with the decision making authority. I know it's a long road and will be tough at times but unless you start out on this journey you will remain as you are, which I believe you do not want. There are no magic pills or miracle cures, only hard work. Gritting your teeth through the tough days and smiling when you have even the smallest win will get you well far more quickly than saying you have failed yourself and your family.

You keep apologising here which is unnecessary because we get it. Then it seems you have admitted your faults, done your best and can return to feeling sorry for yourself. Is this really what you want? Tell your psychiatrist what has happened in the past. I bet they have heard worse stories. Get it out however hard it is. Not making a serious effort to heal is far more damaging to your family than saying you cannot get well and that's all you can do. If you love your family show it by putting your heart and soul into healing.

Mary

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo,

I am so glad poppy is having fun with her toy.

I may not post very often or even for a few weeks .

Sorry just crashed emotionally.

Lilly