existential and social anxiety - can you relate?

[swtpotato]

hi everyone,

I was posting on the welcome and orientation section but thought I should move things here as it's more on-topic.

So my mental health story: I have always been really introverted and spacey kinda kid but also very optimistic and idealistic. I grew up being really self-conscious and felt like there was something wrong with me but was pretty good at ignoring it.
I had this bad lsd trip (1.5yrs ago) which blew all of my insecurities way out of proportion. I had all this derealisation and depersonalisation and severe social anxiety which led me to develop IBS and chronic fatigue. I was obsessed with the concept of identity and meaning and thought it was impossible to truly connect with other people.

[startingnew]

Hi EM


it is confusing. I understand. Ive interanlised thigns so much its not funny and grew up thinking wat I wa going through was normal than all of a sudden it wasnt. But there is hope to getting better ok. Never give up on yourself or getting better because it is possible.
Dont be hard on yourself that you let it get this far because like myself and others here it was your 'normal' and didnt know any different. What matters now is your determination to get better.


Also people dot understadn it because they ahvent lived it themselves. They dont really now how it feels and cant truely understand until they have eperienced a mental illness themseves, I can guarenttee you speak to someone who has or had mental health issues they will know exactly what your talking about


you have a lot of people here that can relate to you too

[swtpotato]

thanks guys,

it looks like some of my posts aren't going through, and I haven't gotten any emails about it either.

I'll just see if this works before replying properly

[startingnew]

if itsa long post em it can take abit longer to go through

[swtpotato]

that's so strange 2 of my posts went missing...hope I didn't post in the wrong thread by accident haha.

like just went on an impulsive rant about all my feelings..

oh I am not sure if I can repeat it now.

--

Shelley and Nath I get what you are saying, I get that too.

Going into the city and using trams is usually very overwhelming I just have to go by myself and listen to music and basically look at what is in front of me. Some of this sensory sensitivity might be due to chronic fatigue though.

Yeah since I started to post and since the ADs lifted my brain fog a little I've been processing things like crazy and it feels really weird to acknowledge those past feelings as real, like that happened, some of it is still happening. Like for ages I felt disconnected because my internal and external worlds were so separate and I didn't really realise other people talked about what they were feeling like I was always so self-conscious.

Now everything is all so stirred up and strange like I have to try and merge my internal and external worlds together, try not to keep things so separate. Can't bury it and let it fester now I know what that leads to.

[Pysis]

Don't worry em it will show up just give it time.

haha, see that's why you need to give the country a fair crack.😃

Im glad your heads a bit clearer now your on your ads, you'll get there I know it.

thinking of you

Nath

[swtpotato]

things are very overwhelming

I have an essay that is 2 days late and this morning realised I had half the amount of words and none of it makes any sense so I have to start again but I can only focus for 10mins at a time and I don't know how to care about it I already have an extension and after this one it just keeps going.

I feel trapped within myself again, but my friends are living their own lives, and they deserve it, we have nothing to say to each other anymore

maybe it's just the meds, but it's hard I don't really have time to feel like this

[Cesca1557]

hey em,

just found your thread

sorry about your essay! thats hard having to re do a lot of it and ad to it aswell! just work for 10 minutes at a time and then have aa 10 min break and eventually you will get it done! as frustrating as it is, i know you can write it well in time

[Pysis]

Hi em

whats your essay about maybe I can help?

just take some deep breaths and focus on the air entering your lungs and leaving them again.

ok your alright your just having a bad day but you will get through it, once you start to feel better again you'll go back to normal trust me.

im here ok

Nath

[swtpotato]

ok things have calmed down a bit

I almost had a panic attack in my lecture and had to go straight home.

I will give myself another day if I don't finish today and not worry about it too much, idc about my grades anymore. I will have to get an extension for another essay due in a couple days.

It's just I took a semester off to deal with things so I could come back and actually learn something rather than barely cope but I doing worse at uni than I was before.

My essay is about how ecotourism shapes relationships between Aboriginal people, settlers and nature (aus enviro philosophy) I had to make up the topic so I just got very confused with what I was talking about and have to make it more argumentative and logical. my mind has been very indecisive, confused and can't link things together very well but I'll have to just do it anyway

thanks guys

[Pysis]

Hi em

I'm glad things have calmed down a bit. I'm sorry you almost had that panic attack but at least you managed to avoid it. I know it's hard to get motivated but please try and care about your grades I know things are tough right now but if you fail you will end up being frustrated with your self once your better again, believe me. Can I help in any way with your essay? Can you try and just explain what it is they are looking for? I know it's not what I am studying but I know a lot about ecotourism, aboriginal comunitys, the history of settlers relationship with aboriganal people and I'm studying zoo keeping and environmental conservation so it's all about our relationship with nature but I kind of need to know what is it that they are trying to get you to demonstrate? I want to help you with this if I can, I tend to be a bit of a nerd,haha. I have a pretty high iq, I'm the youngest person to do the course I am doing at the moment in Australia. It's ok if you don't think I can help but if you think I can I'd like to try.

thinking of you

Nath