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Everything is so hard

Karen71
Community Member

I was am a student tafe.

I put all assignments in.

I completed all work.

i had problems with one assignment whick shook me.

Mental health assignment .

I cried itried i tried to tell the teacher it was to close to my own life story.

She dosent like me so shrugged my attempt off.

I failed my test in the last week.

18mnths for nothing.

They dont care that im torn apart.

4 wrong on acute means to bad to sad.

I tried so very hard.pateints loved me.

Teachers not.

My first test was 1 week after abdominal surgery my sevond the same week that i learnt my son was needing a op to save his sight.his 8.with aspergus.

I tried so veryhard.i studied till 2 am most nights because i couldnt when kids were awake.

All day its tantrums.all night its study.

I have always suffered from depression and ptsd.

I sucked it up took the bull by the horns and did my best.

I alwayfail.idont belong.

It sucks.im tied im defeated.im so alone.

I hate life peole are mean.

No im not in danger im simply done.

Why are people so mean.why do they lie and alienate.why dont i be long.

My teacher simply felt i shouldnt pass.

What is that.

Just because i make a complaint they make my life hell.

My life is already full of stress i didnt need them to add to it.

Im shattered.

Ive creid for 4 weeks now.the skin around my eyes is starting to blister.

Why are eople so cruel.

My son cant play with other children.

He has to stay 1 meter away from all kids at school.

Seriously why dont people realise the pooain they give to others.

Im sohurt.so very sad.

I want to give up but i cabt because of the kids.

Im sostied.i dont likwe this world its mean and nasty.is

138 Replies 138

Hi karen. My name is karen and 71 too. I hope you are doing ok. I am a struggling single mum. I have just had my 3 rd stay as an inpatient. Although I resist going when I am really low it does help and it helps me get some reserves built up to keep fighting on. I hope you are getting the care you need. Thinking of you

Karen71
Community Member

Hi everyone.

Im sorry i havent posted.

I have been hiding away.

Finally getting over bacterial meningitis.

Truth is though ive been trying to shift my focus.

The other truth is i cant remember much.seems like a day since my last ost.

I did go out for the first time today.

I took the kids to the zoo.

They had funthink.Lots of tantrums.They werent allowed in with the tiger or crocs lol and the dinasour head wasnt real.

People laughed at my son when he told the zoo keeper everything about lemurs and demonstrated how to talk tothem.he made animal sounds but he was very serious.

It hurt him.

He badly sprained his ankle at the end but was happy to get the buggy back to the car.

When i read your postscried.You seem to genuinly care.Thankyou.

I did go to doctor lol. He said he was happy to shake my hand because ive come so far.So no i didnt tell him anything otherthan get more antibiotics etc.

My older kids 26 yr old is starting to tell me to get it togeather or i will need to go to hospital.

My x husband whom is also my best freind only freind is saying the samething.I dont trust them.

I did put a foot forward and reenrolled in a online diploma funny though because i cant remember a darn thing.

I look like shit.lol.

To tied do do much.

If i told my doctor what was going on he would think i was mad.he would give antipsycotics wich would make me numb.

One good thing is ive all but given upsmoking.lol I dont want to go to shops so no smokes.

We are eating take out drive through which everyone loves yep thats for the same reason.

But hey i did go to the zoo.

Im really glad you guys are feelinbetter.just kee putting one foot infront of the other.Soon you will be skiing not just swimming well done

I might not post alot but just know i care about you guys and whish you love.

I feel asthough my thoughts could bring you guys down.

As much as osting talking is important its important to surround yourselves with positve thoughts and people.

I cant be that at the moment and dont want to hurt your recoveries.

I did cry though when i read your osts .thankyou focaring.Now go and fly like i know you all can.Surround yourselves with love and positive energy .Hugs

He,he,

That was special hearing back from you Karen, glad u popped in 🙂

WOW Kaz how good hearing from you 😄

YES we DO Care and want you to recover which you will in time my girl but with help sweet too much to tackle alone. PLEASE come good with the DR hun, he needs to know exactly what's going on else he can't help. I can't tell you enough how important it is that he knows. PLEASE darl tell him everything. He obviously cares too

Nah hun that's what here's all about, want you to open up and tell us how you're doing. Honestly we're here cause we want to know how you're going & help you if we can as well. It's good unleashing.

The memory I don't know for sure but wondering if the meningitis could be causing it or and the depression.

Nearly given up the durries, nice one. You'll notice having more $. I have to badly too. Can't afford em.

The Zoo aye 😄 yes and you got out sounds like yous apart from painful sprained ankle had a good time. Well done.
And going for the diploma again, wow may I suggest take your time, get yourself better fully first. The mind will be clearer.

You won't be pulling us down by saying how you really feel darl, truth, we want to know. (think I can speak for others here on that one)
Nanna's gunna be so happy your back too.

Soooo good to hear from you.

Baby steps Kaz, thank god you're nearly over the meningitis aye, that'd be a relief.

btw thanks you care for us too, that's lovely

Looking forward to hearing from you again 🙂

Hope todays a good one for you Kaz xx

topsy_
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Oh Karen it is SO lovely to hear from you again. Woo-hoo !!! LOL !!!

I'm glad that you have been able to have some good things happen.

Well done to you for taking the kids to the zoo. My girls are adults now but I don't think I could have managed that when they were young.

And kids love take-away (so does my hubby!).

Congrats for giving up the smokes. You will notice the $'s!!

And signing up for an online course - magnificent!!

Dont worry about bringing us down. I know for myself I have had times when I've needed help & support & BB was just so wonderful. Caring people who accepted me & encouraged & supported me.

I feel really happy now having heard from you.

Wishing you well Karen, Lyn.

Hey darl just replied but not sure if went through i'l check later to see

Kaz give these guys here a call darl
I read your last post not sure where it is doesn't matter, read it

You need help Kaz. Give em a ring here mate. The only right option is to get up again
Don't give up
Depression, & esp deep as you're in, it's wickedly powerful. It influences deeply how we feel about ourselves, we only see negatives, no self worth, anything that's a downer, it's a demon. It's not how we want to feel so with help or not it's up to us to change it

Keep talking girl wanna see you through this crap.

How bout ya have a lovely warm shower wash your hair then ring them Kaz.
Let's start the climb


MickeyM
Community Member

Hello Karen, DemonBaster, YellowNana and everyone else!

Im so sorry I was awol for a while.

Karen, I am sooooo proud you've enrolled online! Well done! So happy for you.

And well done with your trip to the zoo!

DemonBlaster, I love reading your posts. Your enthusiasm and support is contagious, thank you!

Hi YellowNana, you are a gem!

Something I've realized for me that in order for me to stay mentally healthy, I need to put in place techniques, etc, such as talking to friends, doing meditation, excercise, seeing my GP when needed. I've realized that this forum also plays a big part of that, too, it keeps me accountable.

So, guys, I'm sorry I hadn't posted for a while. I'll be kinder to myself and pop up on the forums more regularly!

Karen, my lovely, the guys here are right...have a shower, phone the guys here, tell your doctor everything. Please!

Youve already started the journey, we're here with you.

MickeyM

thanks Mickey nice of you to say 🙂 Good to see you btw

Kaz how you goin darl, haven't heard for a while so be good to hear from you xx

topsy_
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Karen

Gosh hasn't the week just flown by so fast?! (The first time I heard that time flies when you get older, I was young, & thought what a stupid statement - time is just always time. Well let me tell you I was wrong - the older I get the faster time goes!!).

Karen I hope things are slowly improving for you. I know it's a long hard road but I believe in you. I know you'll get there.

Hello & best wishes to everyone else. Happy Bastille Day, Lyn.