Everything is so hard

[Karen71]

I was am a student tafe.

I put all assignments in.

I completed all work.

i had problems with one assignment whick shook me.

Mental health assignment .

I cried itried i tried to tell the teacher it was to close to my own life story.

She dosent like me so shrugged my attempt off.

I failed my test in the last week.

18mnths for nothing.

They dont care that im torn apart.

4 wrong on acute means to bad to sad.

I tried so very hard.pateints loved me.

Teachers not.

My first test was 1 week after abdominal surgery my sevond the same week that i learnt my son was needing a op to save his sight.his 8.with aspergus.

I tried so veryhard.i studied till 2 am most nights because i couldnt when kids were awake.

All day its tantrums.all night its study.

I have always suffered from depression and ptsd.

I sucked it up took the bull by the horns and did my best.

I alwayfail.idont belong.

It sucks.im tied im defeated.im so alone.

I hate life peole are mean.

No im not in danger im simply done.

Why are people so mean.why do they lie and alienate.why dont i be long.

My teacher simply felt i shouldnt pass.

What is that.

Just because i make a complaint they make my life hell.

My life is already full of stress i didnt need them to add to it.

Im shattered.

Ive creid for 4 weeks now.the skin around my eyes is starting to blister.

Why are eople so cruel.

My son cant play with other children.

He has to stay 1 meter away from all kids at school.

Seriously why dont people realise the pooain they give to others.

Im sohurt.so very sad.

I want to give up but i cabt because of the kids.

Im sostied.i dont likwe this world its mean and nasty.is

[Karen71]

Do you guys go into time warps.

BlaXboxk holes where everything geyts blended togeather and timestops.how long have i been here for?

[demonblaster]

Hey Kaz, Demons cool, I'd put my name but don't trust the net, they need so little to get a lot. (Hackers)

Yeah darl, baby steps the way to go, it'll take time but be worth it.

How do you feel about setting a goal for later to have another go at your Diploma, use the down energy about it all to give you motivation to succeed then too it might help you not to feel so down about how it went.
I suggest for now if you want to do that, just set the goal & when you're stronger later.

First up you need to get physically better & get solid sleep happening.

Q: from you Kaz
Do you guys go into time warps.BlaXboxk holes where everything geyts blended togeather and timestops.how long have i been here for?

Black holes constantly, God they're low, ya feel desparate, panicked, stressed, miserable, smothered, bogged down, helpless.
Seems like everything is on top of us.
Yes, motivation goes to all time low, what very recently I've found is to force myself to go out amongst people, even if only for a short time but then not everyone likes being around people, if not I'd suggest a walk or bus train ride something to be amongst it. It may only be temporary but gives the brain a break, any distraction from constant consuming negatives all the time.

I forget a lot, during these times which is consistent with over tired or exhaustion.

Usually am lucky to work out what day it is yeah.

Good you're talking Kaz 🙂

I know I keep at ya about this but KNOW if you hook onto a good one, seeing a psychologist can help no end darl.

Hope you're feeling bit brighter today, physically if not mentally xx

[topsy_]

Hello Karen

Lovely to hear from you. Thank you for stopping in to say hi.

You can call me Yellow or Lyn, whichever you like.

Yes I fall into the black holes too. Or maybe the black holes drag me in even when I don't want to go.

I read on here some weeks ago that the thing to fix lack of motivation is to go & do that thing you can't find the impulse to do. It said motivation breeds motivation. I'd never heard that before. So I've been trying to give it a go.

Do you have anything planned over the weekend? I'd like to do some folding & put the clothes away

Take very good care of yourself. Thinking of you, Lyn

[Karen71]

A little better i think demon.

My little one asked me to be her mum again and my face looked terrible.she gave me big hugs.

I kind of saw through a fog in the mirror and didnt recognise myself.

I nearly havdreadlocks.mm

Seems ive been in here since before mothers day.(a black hole)

I found a perfect way out yesterday.

Took the kids to school and wanted to crash.i looked at the kids and changed my mind.i couldnt hurt them or risk any pain.

Thing is it crossed my mind.

Not good.

So after looking in mirror and relising how long ive been in the time warp ive made a decision.

I dont much like it but will stick to it at least till i can think clearly.

To not put myself or kids in unsafe positions.

You probably hate me for even thinking about and comming so close to the unthinkable.

As for my diploma i cant face mteachers.knowing what they truly think of me.

They think im vulgour.

Sure infront of them i try to act ok but wow those words from the students and mental health teacher have sliced me up.

Im not suprised i missed a few questions in the test.im suprised i was even able to show up.

Even this site wont say what happened to gross.

Nanna i think said i survived.

My sister killed herself i should have.

I really have tried. I buy clothes that the storeperson says looks good just to find i still look how i feel.i try hard to fit in i just dont.

How can i face people knowing how they think ofme.

Maybe i could suck it up and look the teachers in the eye but the truth is im cut to shreds and dont have the strength to even try atm.

Anyway first step make a decision.

Live a little longer.

[Croix]

Dear Karen~

I'd be most surprised if there were not a fair few like you and me who have driven and thought about crashing like that. It is a natural thought in the circumstances.

Loving kids stopping you going further is natural too - plus it works, it's good.

You see yourself thought a bitter distorting lens, try to remember you are loved and this is because you are lovable. I draw comfort from that myself.

Croix

[demonblaster]

YESSIM KAZ 😄 😄 😄 REALLY happy (hence the loudness) you've at least for now come to the right decision.
WELL DONE girl.

A child as good loving parents too (YOU) love unconditionally, often heard kids that have saved people.
You've made the right choice not only by yourself but to your beautiful kids. Kudos.
They need & love you. You're their building blocks for life.
I can see you're a good person. You deserve happiness and peace. It's achievable. Believe it darl.

Sweet what happened to you in the past sounds like what you did was outta your control, some people are VERY manipulative & controlling, they're bad people, NOT YOU!
Would've taken lot of courage to speak up, you opened up completely by the sounds put yourself in a vulnerable position only to be scorned & unfairly judged. Poor form on their part, not yours. You were crying for help. Not everyone's like that .... Truth.

A good psychologist won't judge you btw.

What about future goal, go somewhere new for diploma. Talk to them before you start with your concerns. I too wouldn't want to go back where so much pain and damage done.

Depression's a master at squashing self worth.
You look in the mirror & seeing blagghh it's the depression, changes our views on ourselves & everything.

Fb (face book) Brilliant portrayal of how we see ourselves.
Cutey kitten looking in a mirror & the reflection was a lion.
Caption: What you see isn't necessarily what others do. True

I don't hate you for thinking of crashing, love that you're finding the strength.
You're starting to get it working for you. Way to go girl
We ALL have it I'm sure of it.

Are you sleeping better yet?
I think (not a professional) that's the best starting point, and hoping treatment for pneumonias kicking in by now.

I'm working on a thread "surviving... being in a better place" when I put this stuff up I'll let you know if hopefully you have a gander later. Hoping to help people.

Still working on the card for friend that passed recently, thought it wouldn't take long but want it to be bang on. So far happies with it. In honor of her (gunna get people to sign if they want) & for her Mum to see a LOT of people cared and liked her. Missing her 😞

Darlin unless you want dreadies, I know how it is but can you force yourself to wash em, you'll feel better in yourself, part of fighting these demons

Remember, you're turn for control.
Think about your good points, keep reminding yourself.

Later darl 🙂 xx

[monkey_magic]

Dear Karen,

I understand what u mean about the "time warp" as I've experienced that-

You are very lucky in that you have so many ppl reaching out and connecting with you here so u r definitely not alone. All these peoples hearts and minds want you to live OK!!

And well done for expressing yourself so insightfully!

I just want to say-

This too shall pass. Everything happens for a reason, season, or lifetime.

You may be in a bad, difficult, evergy sapping situation at present but this doesn't mean it will last forever. Hang onto hope if that's all you have left and that will be the rope that can lift you out.

Many many people have survived difficult circumstances and you can too. You just need to find a way unique to you. You can do this. Do not give up OK 🙂

[demonblaster]

Well said Steph 🙂

[topsy_]

Hi Karen

I'm so glad you have chosen to stick around.

I've felt like you in the car. My husband used to feel like that so badly & so often that he won't renew his licence in case that urge returns.

I hope having made that first decision while allow you to feel more peaceful, positive & hopeful.

Thinking of you, Lyn.

I hope you &

[monkey_magic]

I just read some of your replies and you sure blasted my demon away....

Time for me to read more from you, I'm intrigued.

You' re good 🙂