Do you think the way l'm living is ok for now?

[Guest_1584]

Hi BB.

l feel like this is another dumb question from rx , but ah well.ln times of uncertainties we might ask some of those right.

We sep' and divorced 5yrs ago , threw life into a spin. Together 19yrs before. l've stayed in the area to be close to my d, 16now, and finally got another house of my own 15mths ago.

l was with someone new nearly 2yrs but it hasn't worked out unfortunately but being long distance 70% of the time, there was lots of days and nights spent at home in our little private bubble world of messaging and skyping .

So now that we've split, l still haven't built any sort of a new life really. Got this hosue because loved the spot and the house itslef and great views and it's only 20mins form my d's town. lhoped l'd like it here , maybe even make a new life. But ldon't really fit in this town and so it's beena lot more time at home, l work at home too.

Nit sure if l'll stay here , but l do love the house and spot and views and in spare time can easily just hang out around the house days on end , basically alone, bt l dunno, it's just and old renovator but just really comfy to hang out in, live.

If l'm working l always try to get out most days, pick up spares or spin over to one of the other towns for a change of scenery , or some lunch, whatever.Or locally up to the shops even , groceries whatever , anything just to get out for awhile.

lately l've sort of developed a bit of a pattern in spare time. love hanging out around the house a day , 2 or 3, but then l make myslef go see some, a drink with my brother, or another mate l know, or up to the main town , see my daughter some days, or beach , go for a hike, or something. No pubbing or night life.

Same with wkends, l try to get out somewhere one day, hang out at home the other.

But that's pretty well life has been since split with gf. Mostly alone , andl enjoy lately just hanging out around this house , maybe way way too much , not sure. music or some reno's or movies , internet. It's just big and roomy and airy , views , and comfy. l often get claustrophobic but never in this house,

Do you think what l'm doing atm is ok , l really worry l'm alone too much or taht l'll slip into hermitizing too much, l dunno.

Any thoughts welcome.

rx.

[blondguy]

Hey RX

Always good to see you and thankyou so much for your reply about my daughter too...sometimes our kids can take a wrong turn in life and there isnt anything we can do about it....unfortunately

I hear you loud and clear about the awful 'alone' feeling....Its a bad place to be in RX. My sister is 51 and lives her bubble and my brother is also superficial which also doesnt help me feeling alone

You never sugar coat anything RX. You speak from the heart...and that is a rare trait.

My place was built in 1991 when I was 31 and there are so many blinking LED's around I feel like I am on a starship lol. However I was renting a beautiful old weatherboard on 2 acres in the 1980's and it was really unsettling for me. I still cant put my finger on it but at night it really freaked me out sometimes...big time

I am also a partner person too RX. I feel your pain there as well....it hurts

Always great to have you here RX

Paul

[CMF]

Hi rx and a wave to Paul,

Oh man I totally feel yr pain. The loneliness, the money struggles, the lack of support hat yr comfortable with, the want for companionship. I understand it all.

i was more of a partner person but I'd be happy with just a friend now, as you know from my thread. Just so one to be there when things are tough. It's like trying to get blood from a stone. My siblings are much older than me and we are not really close. They have adult kids and grandchildren so they're busy and I don't open to them much. My sister helps if I ask but I'm not that comfortable asking. As you say, they would never understand whAt it's like to experience what we've been through.

as far as moving, I know it's a big decision and a scary one but if you feel stuck I think you owe it to yourself to take that leap of faith. You deserve to give yourself a chance to be happy. Have you considered renting for a while, see if you like a new area before possibly buying?

Cold, raining, no one around, I get that too. I have my kids at least but the weekend nights are very lonely. If gyro in bed or doing heir own thing.

i hope that rent and job payment come through soon and things pick up. If you get that fire going it will help. When I feel like you do plus sitting in a cold house, just makes it feel worse, hard to relax.

hang in there, things will change.

Sending warm hugs

cmf x

[Ggrand]

Hello Randomx,

You were talking for a while about whether to move or stay where you are, I'm pleased that you have made a decision. Moving? The packing is awful, but it's also a chance to have a clean out kind of, Moving into a new place, meeting new people, possible new friendships, I hope where you move to has nice people around where you buy..

The no money, lack of off line support, the loneliness, these are the three things that make depression even harder to manage.. I hope you get the monies owing to you soon.

The loneliness is worse of a night, once the sun sets, the night rolls in, getting dinner ready for one, yeah. Nights are not good, what do you do of a night, to keep your mind busy... days not to bad because Here I can see the mountains, birds etc..I remember you have a great view as well which you enjoy..

How did you go painting the owl.. what colour...?

We have sleet falling at the moment, I love the feeling of it on my face,,,

Take care Randomx..enjoy your day..

Grandy.

[Guest_1584]

Gday paul , hope you've been ok mate. Flashing lead lights huh , yeah , l can feel it. l've always dreamed to be settled but with everything that's happened l'm glad l'm not there now. Funny about your 2ac place , it's true they can be weird especially at night.

l could've kept our old place and paid ex out or something, but well, a whole range of no no's there , ex was even closer, 10mins away, the memories in it everywhere, but it was also creepy on my own. My daughter also had troubles being there to because it was our family house, we both thought stuff this we're getting outa here.

Are you glad you kept your house pr do you think you should've moved ?

Hiya cm and thanks so much for that , soooooo hear you. my families huge ,. it's insane to have no one. some are good but they'couldn't even imagine my world, yaknow, like yours they have their families and their secure lives and some are millionaires , or then my sister and her bubble. l dunno , seems so rare family can turn to family though doesn't it, we're not alone there ya hear of it all the time don't you. It's weird isn't it that we have them , but just aren't good with turning to them.

And ahh yessa, my damn fire. Bloody hell. l do have back up electric heaters but l swore of them because last year when l couldn't be bothered with the fire l got 700$ power bills instead so l said right, put them away this year. But thank god it's not raining today so l'll go find some wood haha.lt's great when it's running well dunno wtf is wrong with the wood l have this week, no heat.

And thanks for the budge about moving , l'm framing that and it's goin on the wall haha, to keep my head straight on it all. It is best though your right. Thing is too l have to either refinance this place in January , or go if l'm going by then. So seems l wanna go l need to go before jan you see. But it's probably for the best anyway.

Yeah l'm thinking about renting over there first , still figuring.

Thanks a heap cm and l hope you've been ok.

00

[Guest_1584]

Speaking of gf , ahh , just to add some more salt , things there have been biting pretty hard l must admit, may as well throw some more into the mix right , go the whole hog.

Thing was when we got back together we turned some corner, it was beautiful really, and it turned out a lot of her stuff was just fear and self sabotaging and the whole mix making her scared and a bit crazy .It was such a huge thing for her to admit and acknowledge stuff and l felt it all as l was up to my neck in it myself too admittedly, it just came out in different ways with me is all

So we'd repaired and made huge leaps on one hand but in the end the obstacles were what made things near impossible and caused the crunch. Luckily with our ups and downs we'd had plenty of on off practice but to regain such closeness and near the end to boot , from all of that, well, l think two people are better off splitting with bad stuff than to have to just because of obstacles.

Thing is , so it's getting tough lately and we've started watching each other on our message thing, It has times and stuff last seen and all that and we spent half our time on that thing because of being apart so much , waking up going to sleep travel about with each other through the day if we were awake and not together then we were together on that thing.

l can see we're both checking all day and night and first thing when we wake or go to sleep at night. lt's not really a good way of going through this l guess, neither of us wanted it this way if we had a choice.

l guess we'll slowly ween ourselves away from it in the end , l dunno. we haven't said anything but we often sit with each other , you can tell you know it says online now and stuff. Then we go.

l feel as bad for her all alone over there now as l do me here.

l hope though we can both move on and l worry she might , hell l might too , spend the rest of our days not letting it go.

Just needed to get that off my chest , haven't told anyone.

rx

[CMF]

Was thinking about your move today and loneliness. I think you mentioned you may feel the same if/when you move and that is a possibility but the difference is that you may feel lonely at home on your own, but when you step out the door there will be life, people to meet and talk to, things to do.

That's the difference. We still feel lonely in the evenings on our own but at least the days are easier and have more opportunities.

cmf x

[Guest_1584]

Yeah , your right cm that is the thing. l need more happening , more people , things goin on, choices. So yeah l'll still be on my own but with lots more people and thing all around, hopefully it'll be huge difference/ Where l'm thinking about is 20 times the size of here with a lot of alternative stuff and people , thinking , l love all that , missed it.

Hya grandy and thanks so much for the thoughts. We may get two grandy replies haha, think l pressed the wrong button the first ones gone south.

But yeah your so right , the 3 or 4 biggies , it's an unfair fight but, hwat can we do l guess huh,

seems we all find the nights and weekends worst doesn't it . Strange to if l was gonna ring anyone it was usually at night but these days l just don't feel like it tbh , though it might help .

Yaeh tbh . l've moved so many times l don't feel like more right now but as l was just saying , the new area is huge compared to here and going on my 11 years in this area over all , yet still all l get is this , it's gotta be for the best surely. .

Ahh my owl . Well l ended up starting it but only did a little bit , pretty dangerous painting an owl right now l think haha. But hey l can see already he's really gonna look something when l do.

Hope your holding up ok and thanks a lot for dropping in.

rx /

[Guest_1584]

So much l need outa my head , but l don't even know where to start.

l had to talk to a counselor tonight , l think it helped, l dunno.

Why can't life run smooth for just some length of time , hell l'd even take boring because at least for once there'd be no troubles maybe. so sick of fighting it sometimes. this battle alone since the day ex and l separated and the divorced , man it's been the worst hardest shyt of life ever. it's still going though but right through it's been alone. Eeven while l was with gf. There was a strange thing with us , we talked so much 24 7 really like a couple of parrots non stop. But somehow there was just never time to bother with some things , we just never got around to some, funny , cool , but also weird. So adding bc we were also 70% long distance, l was basically still going through crap alone. After 20yrs of me and ex w being a team in everything, l can't really believe l've had this run now.

l had to do a little trip today down to one of the other towns 70k and thinking , there's no one now. . no one in my corner, no one to help and share things , gf and l did do a bit of that of course but funny , we just never got around to much of it. but now , totally , defiantly, no one once again.

l know a few of us at least here are in the same sitch probably a lot more. feel so sick of the fight sometimes especially when your not getting any joy anyway. l can well understand how people just give up ,

Take care people.

rx

[blondguy]

Hey RX

You are a legend...for taking the time to post back to everybody!

The pain you are going through is bad news RX. Your situation is an individual set of feelings that I dont want to go through again. It was an awful place to be in.....ugh..

You mentioned "Why can't life run smooth for just some length of time" I hear you loud and clear there RX

We are here for you RX

Paul

[Ggrand]

Hello Randomx,

Im pleased you reached out and spoke to a councillor tonight..I really hope it helped..

I can relate to some of what your saying..The loneliness, yeah I've been struggling so much with this, it can and does overwhelm me at times, not having someone to just talk to or have a cuppa with. I'm really sorry Randomx that your also struggling with this..

I try to keep busy and do things, hard at times..Did you paint your owl yet?..

Randomx, is there a mans shed in your town or the next town, The men's shed here, has metal lathes, wood lathes, drills, grinders, saws etc for doing your own little projects or for just doing hobbies etc..maybe something like this for company for you...don't know Randomx, just thinking, don't like hearing your down Randomx..

Maybe take a couple of days away, different scenery may help a little, not a permanent fix but maybe will help for a few days, different things to think about...

A life that runs smooth..is that even possible?.

Please Take it easy and look after yourself Randomx... I hope you sleep okay tonight..Ahh you needing more big squishy hugs...{{{🤗🤗🤗}}}, one for now..one before bed..the other for Morning..

Thinking of you..and always here for you Randomx...

Grandy....xx