DEVASTATED

[Falling_Angel]

Hi i havent been on for a while but im at the end of my tether

im sick of ppl assuming things about my life and then actually making me believe they are honest and true& yet they lie straight to my face especially since i put all my trust in them and thats really hard for me and also,especially since its a obvious misunderstanding on the other persons behalf ????????????????

Im confused,angry ,upset and basically plain devaststed. Why why why ??I try soo hard to please those i care about just to have it slapped in my face... I honestly give up ....!!!!!!!!!!! i really dont think im getting the proper support i need atm and then to have someone close to me run me down and not remember anything ive done for them .. thinkng im just a taker (wow) anyway this person means the world to me and i dont know how to go about working out the problem especially if i feel the replies arent honest omg how did i allow myself to get shattered like this or let myself ....!!and all because of a miscontrude overheard conversation that had nothing to do with this person and also was taken the wrong way,without discussing it with me which would have made it all different omg

anyway guess im asking how do i stop the suicidal thoughts thats are currently and have been for a few days consuming my mind ? i now feel like a noone like ive been put in the same catergory this person sees nearly everyone ? it hurts and im just gob smacked

any suggestions if anyone reads this please?? HELP

[startingnew]

HI FA yes thats enough info for me though im always open to hear more if you are comfortable. im here for you too. and im very sorry that it happened to you, those are the people we are suppose to trust.

an yes it seems we do ahve quite abit in common 🙂

the bullies were actually on another forum and i tried to fix everything but it made everything worse for me so i left there. i not long joined back up to there after deleting the account to start with after some trouble happened.

but im trying to move past that now.

yes i did manage to enjoy a few bits of the holiday ive been back since sunday now. but i loved looking at the dolphins in the really early hours of the morning. they are beautiful creatures.

my gp ahs started any tests just yet which is abit annoying actually. she thinks its a skin infection /condition causing it so we ae trying a steriod cream over the weekend and then i see her again on monday and see if it has any effect. the lump is quite weird as all you can see is like a brusing colour spreading through my skin like its leaking. and on monday as well its a double whammy where i get the lump checked as well as having the pelvic exam talk

ive also jsut lost a friend as well shes such a total cow but ill leave it there for now and give you a chance to respond

how have you been too?

[startingnew]

Hi FA havent heard from u in a while how are you

For results see my other thread 🙂

[Falling_Angel]

HI SN , im sorry i thought i replied on your thread?? was there no post from me? im sure the content wasnt harmful ? im going ok im still here just taking it day by day but feel sooo alone ...im used to lots of ppl i com from a big family ..i guess i have to adjust until my health is sorted not much i can do besides wait at home and go to apppointments after app.... you know what i mean having mental problems and physical ones is horrible but anyway guess there must be a reason ill just plod along but im severely depressed and just dont know how to go any further //glad the results arent too nasty well done to you for doing it all ..power to you SN ....-hugs- FA

[startingnew]

Oh FA its been a
while since ive spoken to you my friend
how are you going?
Has anything improved for you?
How are you going
after your surgery? Your friend issues?
Yes im very familiar
with app after appt it gets very annoying, and overwhelming.

Keep trufing along.
Im trudging along right beside you holding your hand all the way. And
when your at appt im a butterfly on your shoulder keeping you company
and brave and feleing less alone.

Whenever you feel
alone come onto here im usually on once a day maybe twice depending
on how busy I am but I always have time for you. Sending you big big
big hugs and holding you tight so you dont feel alone

[Falling_Angel]

awwwww SN your so sweet thankyou ill remember that.

my operation didnt happen i got all the way to nearly being wheeled in for my operation and they had to cancel 3 due to emergencies they didnt have the beds,so im now waiting for another operation date .

THE friend issue is fine i stay away from her and she leaves me alone .....easy..just hard when u see someone u once cared a great deal for and can no longer be there for them or say hello or be with them etc , but oh well ...

doctor upped my painkillers and is doing blood tests for other things on me that i have to fast for but i keep forgetting lol

im coping but not actually doing much physically and it sux but on a good note im feeling much better than i was...i replied on your thread so ill keep my eyes open for your next msg.

take care my friend -hugs- FA XX

[startingnew]

giant butterfly hugs FA

are you able to get your operation rescheduled?

yes im certainly aware of how hard the friend ship thing is- im dealing with it and still being bullied by 2 girls now at my horse paddock and i try to avoid them as much as possible

im glad your feeling a bit better

big hugs to you

[Falling_Angel]

hey SN hmmm bullies why cant people all be kind?? yes theyll re,shedule my op but dont know when and im waiting on police to let me know what happened in court last week very frustrating ...but it was probably adjourned for now ... well i was feeling better then this morniing i woke up and just vomitted etc i feel awful i havent had it like that for years but whatever was in my belly didnt want to stay there .feels like i take 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. hows your week been anyway? are u doing well?

thinking of u often . -hugs- back FA XXXX

[startingnew]

yep bullies FA and i dont know if life is worth living at the moment. its really getting to me and i dont know what to do anymore 😞 ive had enough of everything and dont want to deal with it anymore

i got 80% in my medical terminology certificate course

hopefully they will reshedule soon and you hear about the court date as well and get those out of the way

sometimes i find that just letting your body get rid of the crap in your stomach instead of trying to hold it in helps the nerves. it could have been a virus though

i think of you often too and hope your ok esp when your not around for a few days- i like to check in and make sure your ok

seems the forums have gone quiet

[Falling_Angel]

SN you sayin u wonder if life is worth living right now or at all?

it is a horrible feeling to have ....so what are u doing about it ?

do u have a shrink app coming up ?

i live with that feeling daily and i ignore them thoughts and just try to move on to something else ..id be lying if i said i wasnt worried about you. if u want me to talk ddaily on BB i will i just forget because i only wait for your msgs thats it. ive become recluse again... oh dear well congrats on your 80percent thats great..xthinking of you SN please stay strong xx -hugs- xx FA XX

[Falling_Angel]

first SN CONGRATS on your results, 🙂

AS for feeling like life isnt worth living anymore. i can most definately relate to that...........unfortunately

maybe u could do with a break if u talk to your shrink i wonder if there is a place where u are where u can go stay for a week or something with mental health workers etc to help you with everything on your mind ? much better than hospital .we have a place here called rocherlea recovery centre u get your own room with key and they have multiple workers whom help with anything they can and a shrink comes in twice a week to check on your mental health progress????? i really think youd benefit from this sort of plc i did and havent been back to hospital since

i still have daily thoughts of suicide but i know i wont act on them or before it gets that bad i ask for help and admit myself to hospital,

i wish i could help you but im not qualified but ill be here if u want to let it all out ill check BB more often

thanks for thinking of me thats beautiful. ill be thinking of u . and as for your pain if u have been telling yourself its not there but it continues u definately have something setting it off and unfortunately that does mean more doctors and tests ...i know they are draining but u must find the cause i do not believe its in your head i believe our bodies are telling us there is something wrong

hope that helps ...take care please call for help if u really think u are going to hurt yourself please ? big -hugs- xxxxxFA XXX