DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

[Doolhof]

Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.

My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.

I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.

Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?

Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.

I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!

Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.

ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!

Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!

Cheers from a battered feeling Dools

[PamelaR]

Hi Dools

Yes, it's a beautiful day outside. Enjoy your 'chats', lunch and your walk. I've got a load of washing to hang out soon.

Glad you are cheered up a little 🙂

❤️PamelaR

[Chloe_M]

Hi everyone,

how are we going today? Are we fighting or embracing our depression, or is the black dog sleeping today?

[Doolhof]

Hi Chloe and All,

I had that darn cat called Anxiety wrapped around my head for a while today and the Black dog was nipping at my heels. I decided I didn't really want the attention of either today so I have been trying to work out what to do about accepting and removing them.

My husband has gone out for the day with his mate. I have been for a walk, spent some time in the garden, started reading another self help book with some good tips in it that I have been writing down, had a snooze and will soon start to cook dinner.

I've decided there is no point in stressing about the work load of study I have in front of me, as I tried to alleviate the problem by asking for some of the module to be released early but the Employment lady won't do that for me. I will only be able to do what I can do when it is released.

So I could get myself all frustrated and stressed again, or I can relax now and try hard not to get stressed next week!

I have another Beginners Pilates tonight so will see how that goes.

Cheers all from Dools

[Chloe_M]

Hi Dools,

Pilates tomorrow sounds good, nothing better than a good workout haha.

i found that singing is a good way to make the depression go away. I was singing before hand, and earlier with my friends band. It felt good.

chloe 😄🤗hugs

[startingnew]

Hi Mrs D

i do love your psotive can do attitude. your entitiled to bad days too of course but you seem to bounce back well and its rather inspiring to be truthful.

i hope your module is released early but if it isnt just do the best you can, thats all you can do and ask for extensions if you need as well.

hoping your enjoying your Pilates

hugs xoxox

[demonblaster]

Doolsy this is concerning me, the expectations are too high and they are aware of your MH & physical and that your super hero cape is in the dry cleaners?

If you wanted to go this path I imagine there'd be a complaint or help (not that your getting any results there either) place and it causing you so much anxiety is too much on your health both ways. If your BP (Blood pressure) is up there's another reason and to need more time. In your situation there are extenuating circumstances. There I've finished 😆

You know what Pammy (hey darls 🤗) said isn't such a bad idea, of course you probs want to pass fair enough but is this worth busting your pooh foo valve for. Do you have to do this course? I have been reading but might have forgotten soz.

Ohh chooky they didn't ask you to go 😐

Doolsy I love your spirit, no matter how much dung 😄 gets thrown at you, you just keep on keeping on...so on that note lovey...keep on keeping on...😁 you're very cared for and loved here 🤗

Let us know how your BP goes, good waiting till you settle and best not after excercise either 🌹

[Doolhof]

Hello lovely caring people,

How does that song go "I get knocked down, but I get up again!" That is what I am trying to do! DB I tried talking to the employment lady. She just would not release the work early for me to do.

I actually drove to the local office of this employment group, crying as I entered, sat in a chair blubbering that much I made no sense and asked the lady there if she could help me. As I am not her client, she was unable to do anything other than phone my employment lady so I could talk to her again. Still no changes were made to accommodate me.

If I was the one to discontinue the course, I would have my Government income supplement stopped. So I need to go get that cape out of the dry cleaners and soldier on! All I can do is what I can do. If I am late handing in stuff, I tried to rectify the issue. I can't do anymore than that.

Okay, enough of that subject! Today is a different day!

The guys are both still asleep after telling me last night they were going to be up early for a good start to do more things today. They had a huge day yesterday and did not get home until 9.00 p.m.

The Pilates class was very painful, so I guess that means it was working muscles and doing some good in the long run! The physio told me she was very impressed with my range of movement considering my injuries, so I am very pleased I do stretching at home as well.

Yes Chloe, singing and dancing does make a person feel so much better. I even feel my spirits lifted watching other people doing these things. Some people at Church have beautiful singing voices, I enjoy listening to them.

SN, yes I do understand that every day can not be filled with bliss and that unpleasant moments and horrid days come and go. Some days they just don't go quick enough! Ha. Ha.

I'm going to ask my husband if I can join them with today's outing.

Cheers all from Dools

[quirkywords]

Doolhof

i follow this thread even though I don't post much.

I can sense your frustration in your last post and hope that cape from the dry cleaners has super powers. You seem to have endless patience at times but you don't sssm to get many breaks.

Alas I have no wise or cheery words or even comforting ones.

I do know you will keep plodding on and posting and while that may not help you it does reassure me in your tenacity and faith in tomorrow.

Quirkywords

[Chloe_M]

Hello Dools,

Pilates does hurt haha, it is probably working muscles you didn't know existed! I used to do pilates for dancing, but it was school sport and it changed.

Singing yes, I love listening to people sing and singing myself. My friend writes her own songs and I sing them. Its fun! We spend lunch in the library sometimes and write and i quietly do scales and play around with the arrangements of lyrics and notes. She plays piano. Singing is such a release. I love it almost as much as dancing (and drama/acting of course!)

Hope today was a better day for all!

Chloe

[Doolhof]

Hi Quirky, Chloe and All,

I'm not going to be around for a few days after Friday, than when I do get back I will have 80 hours of study to do in a day before the next module is released! Hey. Piece of cake. I've got this! I've decided cape or no cape, I can't perform miracles!

I'm trying really hard not to think negatively towards the employment lady who was unwilling to make life easier by releasing the study material a few days earlier!

We had some glorious sunshine today so I managed to get some loads of washing done, run my husband around to a few places and will pick him up later tonight.

Have had a restful kind of day after a rather lousy beginning, who knew tears were so plentiful!

I've even made a lasagne for tomorrow night's dinner with friend's joining us so I can go to the Pain Clinic and not have to rush home to get things ready.

I'll try to pop on to the forum when I can.

Thanks all for the wonderful encouragement and connection! Cheers from Dools