DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

[Doolhof]

Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.

My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.

I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.

Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?

Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.

I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!

Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.

ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!

Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!

Cheers from a battered feeling Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi All,

My husband phoned me yesterday to say his boss texted him to say he is now working two days a week instead of 5, can he please leave the van at work, which means I have to drive 20 kilometres to pick him up after work. He does not know if this is a permanent thing or a temporary one.

The uncertainty of an income threw me. I need to let go of feeling like I need to be in control of situations or at least to be able to understand changes happen all the time...ready or not.

So I went for a walk. It was very windy and I had to lean into the wind to make headway down the road. It helped me to feel more alive in a way. The wind was cold.

I was thankful for the recent rains that have allowed the grass to grow, otherwise I would have been walking in a dust storm.

Returning home I felt a little invigorated. I wasted the rest of the day though ruminating over negatives!

Hopefully today I will be able to move on. I will be at one of my volunteering roles today so hopefully I will not be a bag of misery! At least I will have people to be with and talk to.

I need to put into practice the things I know that work to make me feel better about life! It is not always easy to do that though.

Cheers all from Dools

[quirkywords]

Mrs Dools,

I really like the way you write so descriptively.

These words are so true :

“When I look at our huge garden through depressed, stressed and overwhelmed eyes it is a burden.
If I look at it with eyes of curiosity and thankfulness, I see the different shades of colours everywhere, the beauty of a rose, the details of a tiny lady bird, hear the sound of bird song, see rain drops on a leaf and so much more.”

I think that the skill is to remember which eyes we are using to see with.

I think we need to be in control because so much of our emotions seem out of our control.

Knowing what to do is one thing but actually having the ability to follow it through is another.

I hope your insights here help you as much as they inspire me and others reading.

Quirky

[Doolhof]

Hi Quirky and All.

Thanks again for your kind words Quirky.

This morning I decided I was going to try really hard to make the most of the day.

In my mind I had my day planned for volunteering in the home for the elderly, but right from the beginning those plans changed, so I tried to tell myself to just make the most of it all.

By not feeling so out of control and stressed about stuff out of my control, I enjoyed the day and even introduced myself to a resident I had not met previously. We had a good chat, sort of. She was very deaf, so we had two different conversations happening!

When I was leaving she told me she had enjoyed our talk, so I will see her again next week.

I was really thrilled when one of the staff used my name and asked if she could make me a cup of coffee while she was doing afternoon tea for the residents. It really made my day!

So yes, I need to be aware of the thoughts I am listening to and the eyes I am looking at life with.

Cheers to you Quirky and to all. From Dools

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone,

Mrs Dools,

I am wondering how you have been going. If you are not wanting to post that is fine I just wanted to say hello to everyone struggling, fighting and embracing depression.

I find I have been quite tired lately and that makes me more impatient at times.

Quirky

[Doolhof]

Hi Quirky,

How lovely of you to drop by! Sorry to read you have been tired and you feel impatient because of it. Sometimes when I am tired I get angry...so maybe impatient is a little easier for other5s to cope with! Not sure.

I'm doing reasonably well thanks Quirky. I'm trying hard not to let issues overtake me and drown me in negatives!

Not always an easy thing to do.

Our weather has been very mild so I have been doing some weeding. I keep trying to appreciate what I have achieved without looking at the very daunting amount of weeds that are in the 2 1/2 acre garden. I tell myself the weeds will make good mulch!

The soil here is so dry it is like powder and we are supposed to be in winter!

Here in S.A. we have an art exhibition in many parts of the state for the month of August, so I am looking forward to seeing some of the exhibitions.

Hope you get some decent sleep Quirky!

Cheers to you and all reading from Dools

[demonblaster]

Hi dear Doolsy and your lovely friends and readers ☺

Think I'm caught up. Did in patches. Doolsy I know there's no pressure here to post but I did have some little guilts not being here for regs that I support but I assure you I care deeply about you and want you to be ok. Also comforting that others are around too.

I can't believe the incredibly rotten luck you're having trying to get onto professional help and good at that! Crikey I agree with Grandy the bad ones esp your most recent mutt needs reporting.

Surely you're well and truly due for some decent help. I know but can't remember what the go for you was and if psychologists do skype? I know psychiatrists do.
Hun if you documented your apalling treatment and availability and forward it to ? I wonder if as a result but stick with it darl you might get some proper deserved care. Could maybe talk to an advocate for MH. Spoke to one a few mths ago think they may be able to help you come to think if not they might know where you can if you're up to that sometime.

Said it before and mean it Doolsy I admire very much your ability to see the positives and humour in situations.

Good idea looking at what you've achieved, its easy for us to ignore our achievements.

Where you live sounds so baron but there sounds also like some nice places and scenery esp on your walks with your sister.

Have you seen the sheep lately. So nice hearing that ☺

Hope your foots holding better for you and physical health. Is the heart still partying hard?

Ok so this particular flower ⚘ is different to a similar special one I gave you before which lives on.
This one if you plant it somewhere reasonably flat... maybe under a tree hun then virtually of course 😆 throw a table and chairs next to it... in 8 days and 3.2 minutes you won't believe your eyes 👀😲
There'll be a circle of them in all different colours gracefully standing strong and tall ready for picking around the table and chairs that are for all your friends to come and have a cuppa yarn and giggle with you. Oh they take a wee bit longer but do regrow.

Hey loved hearing about the poor deaf lady you spoke to at the nursing home. Beautiful Dools you have a lovely heart.

Look after yourself hun 🤗 and every one ☺

🌱New Beginnings start within.

[Doolhof]

Hi Deebi,

Thanks for dropping by. I am doing reasonably well at present. It is lovely to not feel like I am fighting through each day just to reach bedtime. I'm trying to see the positives and not dwell on the negatives so much. Finding ways to accept those horrid thoughts and not allow them to grow can be tricky at times.

In the past Deebi I have written letters of complaint only to receive replies that seem to totally dismiss I have had an issue, so I don't bother with that anymore.

At present I have no plans to seek any assistance. That is just me. I do realise that for many people assistance, care and the provisions made by mental health services is very valuable and productive. There are wonderful psychiatrists and psychologists out there.

Thanks for the special flower! The wattle is out early this year and looks so pretty, especially if you really look closely at the amazing flower. It is like a pom pom.

I went for a walk yesterday along an old dirt track. It was far enough away from the highway for me not to hear the traffic. I could hear the birds singing and the wind rustling the tree tops. It was lovely. There were sheep grazing in one of the paddocks.

Today I will be at the home for the elderly again. I went to visit a couple of people last week but they were sleeping, so I left them to it.

I like to help out with the craft in the morning. The 2 volunteers who do that are a great laugh and everyone there seems to enjoy themselves.

Hope you are doing okay Deebi!

Cheers to you and to all reading from Dools

[quirkywords]

Hello everyone reading,

I think maybe impatience leads to anger . When. m depressed I don’t think I have the energy for anger or when I am tired but I get impatient with myself and others very quickly nad they can see that as anger but I don’t.

There are a few educational art shows on tv and I have been watching them and learning. I also have a huge bookshelf of art books for sale in my shop which I browse through. I don’t have the artists way of viewing things but I try to appreciate .

tell me about the exhibition, we have sculpture by the sea and a few river art exhibitions down my way.

you sound a bit brighter but of course things can change but I admire the way you keep trying and you always help others.

Quirky

[Doolhof]

Hi Quirky,

For the month of August, people all over South Australia have the opportunity to have their art work shown in various places, small towns and in the city. It is called the SALA festival. You can be a claimed artist, a beginner, school student or a person from aged care exhibiting.

I didn't end up seeing much art the other day! I arrived at the first venue I intended to visit only to have my husband phone to say he was ready to be picked up as he had finished work early.

Next week I will try again on a day when I don't have to pick my husband up!

Today we are going for a drive...my husband told me later he has all these places he wants to go to in order to try different beers so he needs me to drive him! It is not so much a day out together, but a beer trip for him! I am going to try to make the most of it or else I will be feeling resentful and angry!

Hopefully the hotels and pubs he wants to visit do coffee! Then again, there are only so many coffees you can drink in a day!

While we are out, he spends most of the time mucking about on his phone! Maybe I will find someone else at these places to talk with!

I really do feel like the house keeper, chauffer and gardener more than a wife 90 percent of the time! Only thing is that I don't get paid!

Oh dear. I am starting to feel depressed. Time to change my thoughts!

It is trying to rain, so that will be wonderful for the garden!

Cheers from Dools

[Guest_1055]

Just letting you know Mrs D, that you popped into my thoughts today. Hope you are doing ok