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DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

Doolhof
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.

My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.

I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.

Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?

Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.

I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!

Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.

ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!

Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!

Cheers from a battered feeling Dools

776 Replies 776

Hey there dear Doolsy 🤗 and all 👋

Just popping in to say hi and see how you're getting on hun ☺

I bought a gluten free, you guessed it choccy 🍫 cake and am putting the kettle on. If you're not up to talking that's ok your many friends and I can just hold your 🤝 hands hug you and look after you. We can chat amongst ourselves and you'll be amongst friends. You might even feel some of our energy.

I really hope you're at least feeling a little brighter and getting sound sleep.

You're in my thoughts and worried about you Mrs Doolsy

You'd no doubt know this too, it takes time pulling back up and seems an endless battle but it's one we can win. You have so often before and can again.

A worthwhile one though because after where you are/have been it's so so good feeling in control more and less pain.

I very much hope you're safe and getting as much help and rest that you can

You're never alone here Doolsy and always cared about and loved.

Keep going hun no matter how hard please don't give up because there really is better than this.

💗

Hi Mrs D ❤

Just wanted to pop in and ask how you are holding up today? It's ok if you're not up to replying, goodness knows I understand that feeling. You know we care about you but it's nice to be reminded sometimes.

Is it gardening weather for you? I was wondering if you've ever tried making planters out of old tyres? Our local mechanic gives tyres away (they have to pay to get rid of them) and I'm enjoying painting them then planting flowers. Saw a photo of a wishing well planter which is on my "to try" list.

I'm waffling but hopefull that you have found a few projects that distract you when it all feels too much.

Looking forward to July. Big hug from me.

Love Nat

quirkywords
Community Champion
Community Champion

Mrs Dools

I feel like I am in a comforting queue that is full of understanding for you. Nat and DB, have said what I am thinking too.

You are held in high esteem here.

I am glad you are taking time away from the forum and I hope that helps you.

Quirky

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dearest Mrs Dools...

So many people here love and care for you heaps..That’s testament to what a beautiful caring lovely inspirational person you are...Please don’t let beasty tell you any different....

Where all sitting with you holding your hands in our hearts precious lady....

I can’t add any more to the amazingly caring posts from your friends here..but I would like to give you my love and prayers for your journey out of this downer and into a more lighter place...

Sending you some love, care and some gentle caring hugs..

Grandy..

Doolhof
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Dear Deebi, Grandy, Quirky and Nat,

Thank you so much for all your kind comments.

My mind feels really overwhelmed and my soul tortured at the moment.

I'm trying to move on. At times it is so darn hard.

I have been out in the garden now and then. It is a good thing I can't get the chainsaw started as I don't think we would have any trees or bushes left! The hand saw is hard work!

We have had some rain, but the soil is still like powder here. Hasn't stopped the weeds from growing though.

I'm trying to keep up with my volunteer work and the groups I attend. Didn't do much last week though. Guess that is okay now and then.

I see my Dr tomorrow after waiting over a month for an appointment.

Still trying to make an appointment for a gastro specialist! Has taken 3 Drs appointments and many phone calls!Maybe my phone call today will be successful and I will at least be able to make an appointment to see the specialist!

Stupid thing is I could have booked in a colonoscopy for next month without having even seen the specialist!

Anyone got nothing to do next month, I know where you can have a colonoscopy done just for the fun of it!

Cheers all from Dools

Good to see you Doolsy 🤗 hi everyone ☺

A gorgeous little elderly lady one day who I was nursing. I'm not sure who made the joke and we laughed. Her words of wisdom I'll never forget.

"Never lose your sense of humour"

Amazing lady amidst how you're feeling you still can see the funny side of life. I laughed at the image of the trees 😂 can just see the sticks that once were. They'd turn into Weeping Willows 😅

Hun your lights dull at the moment but the fires 🔥 still burning. Hold onto it darl.

I've been racking my brain how in the last few mths I've pulled up enough to get through from where you are. The more I think I think it was firm no nonsense self talk. " I don't want to feel this way, it'll pass, I CAN and will get out of this".

Doolsy I had lunch with a besty yesterday, had as always a really good day. I've been thinking to go a tiny radical with a hair style, she cut my hair looks good. Are you in a position you could get your hair done, it's uplifting.

Mind you I've got a shocker of a bed head atm 😨 looking in parts like my hairs been electrocuted at every angle. She told me about a make shift gel, water and sugar to make a sticky substance. If I'm walking around with an ant 🐜 nest in my head I'll know why.

Oh thanks for the colonoscopy offer but might pass this time 😄

Darl are you up to ringing here or lifeline. Alternatively do you think it could help to write down how you feel, difficult very in this headspace but not impossible to think about why you feel so bad without feeling it. I'm in nappies with this but had some success by as soon as I feel sadness rise to a thought I say ..

no.. then some deep breaths only focusing on that..then same only focus objectively on the task at hand.

Everytime we acknowledge how we feel which that parts ok but not when it makes us feel emotional and depressed. What can we do about it.

You're an incredible lady Mrs Doolsy I truly am so sorry you're hurting so much and have so much frustration to deal with.

I'm looking at your GP appt as a new leaf being turned. Tell them everything Doolsy lovey, at this stage you need as much help as you can get.

You always will have strong support love and care in this community dear friend. We and many people in real life need you.

Thanks for being in touch.

🤗🌱

Hi Deebi,

I tried to leave a message here this morning and the computer froze!

Thanks for all your positivity and help, you and so many others have certainly helped me through this "interesting time".

I have been telling myself I don't want to feel this way. I have been doing a lot of writing in my journal and that has helped to get some of the muck out of my head.

I am trying to realise there are some battles I just can't fight. I have to leave some things alone and do my best.

Tomorrow I will be home all day, might do some gardening if it is not raining. I will work on some positive pages in my journal.

We are also having people here for lunch on Saturday so I will do some preparation for that.

Some of the horridness has dissipated thankfully, now I just feel exhausted. That is a lot better than drowning!

We had a few laughs in the Op Shop today so that was lovely.

Cheers to you Deebi and to all reading, from Dools

Heya Doolsy lovely and everyone ☺

You're very welcome dear lady ☺

That's incredibly good hearing you're starting to pull through. It takes time and yes the exhaustion's a huge part of our difficulty in these times.

Good on you going to the op shop awesome a few laughs helps no end. And Saturday sounds good too.

Well done writing in your journal I'm so pleased it helped get some muck out. It gets overwhelming doesn't it. Also what keeps me going is I know it'll pass of course at the time it doesn't possibly seem it can.

Hope the weather allowed you some time in the garden. I'm growing on the window sill a miniature pig face, just a weed but so pretty the little vibrant Pink flowers it's going fine in water. No idea where I'll put it 😆

You've been in my thoughts often lady 😊

Keep on keeping on darl. I've been researching more about BPD which I think I also have and did you know there's ways of working through it which is good to hear. Nothings an overnight but is encouraging.

Ok lovely lady sending love care and a scrumptious no calorie Gluten free Marble Madera cake with icing of course. Not sure what flavour to put on it.

Be very gentle with yourself dear lady.

🤗🌱 new beginnings 🕊

Hopefully your poor body will let you rest properly now, it's phenomenal how long we can go without near enough sleep until the bod finally says ok.

Hi Deebi,

Thanks again for your kindness and sharing here.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) can be quite complex! Usually I have it under control. I have a Dialectical Behaviour Therapy Skills Book (DBT) that I need to actually read and work through instead of moving it from one room to another!

I will try and read some of it today and re-start some of the exercises in it.

I'm reminding myself I have no control over what other people do either. The employment lady said she organised to chat to my Dr. I saw my Dr and he said he had never heard of her. I contacted her and she said she has a phone appointment booked for Tuesday with the Dr. Had one booked this week and it was cancelled.

With all the modern technology these days why is it still so hard for professionals to connect with each other?

I'm going to try and find a balance today of doing jobs that need to be done, working on improving my mental health and enjoyment.

Getting out into the garden is something I hope to do as well. With 5 acres there is a lot to look at! I just need to remind myself I can only manage what I can out there with the limited resources I have.

The larger variety of pig face grew in the region where I was a child. It always amazed me how hardy it was, growing in sandy soil right on the coast. The flowers are so bright and cheerful. Hope you continue to enjoy your plant Deebi!

Hope you have a lovely day Deebi!

Cheers to you and to all, from Dools

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Dearest Lovely Mrs Dools 🌷..

Im just calling in today to say hello and wish you a beautiful sunny/rainy day today...I’m not sure what the weather is doing where you live...

How are you feeling precious lady?

The week ends come around so quickly don’t they..although everyday except Tuesday is a day at home for me...

I have tried to grow pig faces a few times and failed at doing so....I might try what our beautiful Deebi has done an put them first....I like so much the deep brilliant maroon coloured one the best.....a few people have them growing here..my thumb is any other colour then green....😂...

I have so many self help books under my coffee table on a little ledge that I read occasionally...I start to read then after a few minutes ..poof my concentration disappears...I will have to try harder....I think it is a great help the books explaining about our mh and the best ways to manage them....I hope you manage to read some of your book on BPD...and find something in the pages to help you....

5 acres is a lot of yard...I had 8 acres and had a goat as my lawn mower...and he (Billy) kept the grass down so well..unfortunately billy was an escape artist and would get out and go running down through the town looking for his friend a donkey..in the end I gave Billy to donkeys owner...and they are living happily ever after...😂..

I hope today you are feeling better then yesterday lovely friend...and you have some light in you and today...

Keep choosing beasty off like we do the annoying flys....eventually it will get sick of trying...and run away....Wishing thinking I know...but...if we give up trying beasty wins...

Love and warm caring hugs dear Mrs Dools....

Grandy