DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

[Doolhof]

Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.

My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.

I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.

Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?

Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.

I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!

Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.

ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!

Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!

Cheers from a battered feeling Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Grandy and all reading,

Yesterday I used one of the phone help lines and had a chat with a lovely lady who helped me immensely. I wasn't going to use those numbers again after my last episode that ended in me being taken to hospital. I now realise everyone was just doing their job.

I felt a sense of achievement after having sawn off some branches. I hope to do more before the rains set in.

Grandy, I bought a book about Australian birds from the Op Shop, it has very small pictures in it though so I need a magnifying glass to see the birds! Ha. Ha. I enjoy hearing the birds and seeing them in the garden.

Today I went to the writing group and then grocery shopping. I admired all the different colours of the fruit and vegetables and the bunches of flowers.

At home, I took my lunch into the garden and did some more writing in my journal to get rid of more unhelpful thoughts. Then thought of happies as I think Deebi calls them and choofed off the negatives!

I'm feeling so much better and am so pleased I was able to recognise how low I was becoming and did a few things to counter act that.

I've booked myself in for a physio appointment so that will help with a few aches and pains as well.

I've not tried the new 3D diamond painting, it does sound interesting. I have a few projects ranging from crotchet to quilting that I really should finish. I might get my hand embroidery out again, that can be relaxing.

Deebi's suggestion about positive words and how they make you feel is a good idea. I sometimes have trouble coming up with words and use a dictionary or thesaurus.

Hope you coped alright without any power. It is amazing how much we rely on power for everything.

You have been a lot of help Grandy, I so appreciate it when people drop in to say HI, are supportive and encouraging or just having a chat.

Tomorrow is Op Shop day.

All the best to you and all reading.

Cheers from Dools

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Dools (and a wave to all),

I must say that that’s an impressive list of coping strategies, relaxation activities and other interests you have there 🙂

Good on you for calling the helpline too. It sounds like it made an enormous difference, and for that, I’m happy and relieved for you...

I feel you have such a beautiful outlook and manage to maintain this deep compassion, despite your ongoing struggles. A class act 🙂

All the best at the op shop tomorrow (you and Grandy have that in common as I think she works in one).

Pepper xoxo

[Doolhof]

Hi Pepper,

Lovely to read your comments. Hope you are well.

I'm trying to accept my not so pleasant days, work out if there are any triggers, deal with those and try to make the day better when I can.

Today at the Op Shop I greeted quite a few of the customers with a hello and a brief chat. One lady commented on how unexpected that was! It doesn't take much to say hello and I enjoy the interaction if people choose to have a brief chat.

I had some reading to do so took that outside and sat in the sun. I have been told my Vitamin D levels are low, so I am to be in the sun for 1/2 an hour a day and take Vitamin D pills so will see if that helps.

Today I also wrote all the happy, positive and lovely moments from my time visiting Mum and Dad and other family over the Mother's Day weekend.

I reflected on the not so positive moments of the weekend, thought about what had happened, and decided I don't need to store those memories in my mind. If they surface again, I will consider them, then try to move on.

While I am feel better about life, I really want to make the most of each day, find new strategies and skills that will help me and build up my resilience even more.

Tomorrow I will be attending a funeral so will keep active before I leave home. Might be a good time to fill up the wood boxes and saw some more branches, watch the birds and maybe write a couple of letters I need to respond to.

I was given some old magazines at the Op Shop so will see if I can cut some pictures out and make a nice collage from them. Yes, I do believe Grandy works in an Op Shop as well. Hopefully her fellow workers are as lovely as the people I work with!

Feeling rather tired so might not respond to others here on the forum right now, just wanted to respond to you Pepper. Thanks again for dropping by!

Cheers all from Dools

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Dools (and a wave to all),

I hope you held up okay at the funeral today. I know funerals can understandably be very emotional for some people. Then again, I also realise everyone responds and processes loss differently...

Also, you’re lovely and very thoughtful to take some time out to respond to me 🙂 That being said, I feel there’s never any rush or obligation to reply if you’re struggling. I understand that side of things too...

But while I’m on the topic of thoughtfulness, I think it’s really nice of you to try to connect with people at the op shop. We never know what the next person is going through, and that simple act of starting a conversation/making someone feel less alone for a little bit can make an enormous difference in someone’s lives. You’re doing a good thing there, and I want you to know that...

Those not so pleasant moments you had during the weekend sound rough. I’m glad you’re trying your best to manage your feelings as best you can...

I hope you were able to do some bird watching today as you had planned. They’re such gorgeous creatures 🙂

Pepper xoxo

[demonblaster]

Hi lovely Doolsy 🤗 and your lovely friends ☺

Just popping in to say hi and hope you managed as well as can be expected at the funeral. Never easy are they.

Sounds like you're keeping yourself busy and finding ways of dealing. Awesome. I like how you thought about unpleasant parts and decided you don't need to keep those memories. Good for you, thats the way.

It's nice having little chats with people. I usually say bits to ladies at op shops too.

Hope both sides of your healths holding up for you dear Doolsy.

No need to reply just want you to know I'm with you amongst many dear lady.

Hope you get to spend some quality time in the garden listening to the beautiful birds chatting away and see some gorgeous flowers and trees.

See you later darl. Love and care Deebi 💗

[Doolhof]

Hi Pepper, Deebi and All,

I like responding to people here on the forum, it provides me with another form of feeling connected and part of a community.

For me it is also important to be part of groups and society as well as family and friends. Even if I am not close to people emotionally, there can still be a connection.

The funeral was beautifully done, I really enjoyed the compassion of the minister conducting the service. It also made me realise how different my husband's beliefs are from mine, so we might benefit in having a talk about how we would like our funerals to be conducted.

I was talking with a friend at the funeral and said I might write up my own eulogy now, we don't have children so if my husband is already dead who will know what to say? I said I could write what ever I wanted! I would want to reflect positivity, be humorous in places and maybe let out a few secrets! I will be dead so it won't matter! Ha. Ha.

I spent quite some time in the garden and will do so again today. The bird song was lovely from a variety of birds.

In the evening I made collages on two pages of my journal and added some positive and helpful quotes I had printed off the computer.

Pepper, there were quite some fireworks going off over the weekend between family members. One of my siblings even came over and punched me, I am still not sure what that was about.

My thoughts drifted to that person this morning. They obviously are hurting for some reason so I hope they are able to find some sense of peace or help to deal with their issues.

Dear Pepper, Deebi, Grandy and all reading, I hope you all find things to be thankful for today and if you are experiencing issues, please find ways to deal with them and not let them build up and become huge issues.

Cheers all from Dools

[startingnew]

Thinking of you Mrs D and hoping that your going ok

🕊❤

[Doolhof]

Hi Startingnew,

Lovely of you to drop in. Thanks for the message.

Mostly I am doing okay, then part of me is not coping so well, so I will try to increase the stuff that is going okay and working well. Does that even make sense?

My head is a little messed up with now!

ope you are doing okay.

Cheers from Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Startingnew,

I will try again! I was not in a good place yesterday. This morning I am working on thinking and doing things differently. I am also wondering if a medication I have been given for a medical problem is causing a few issues, so I will need to discuss that with my Dr.

We may be getting rain here this weekend which will be a huge improvement on the massive dust storm we had yesterday! It is amazing how much dirt gets inside!

We have friends coming over tonight so I am going to bake us a gluten free cake.

Later on I will write some positive moments in my journal, like the time I had in the Op Shop on Thursday talking to an adorable little boy (after asking his Mum if I could chat with him). He was so sweet and had shoes that lit up, he jumped around showing off his shoes.

I have an unexpected appointment next week with a psychologist attached to the job agency I attend so I am curious what that is about.

One day a week I volunteer in a home for the elderly and generally enjoy that. I am learning there is quite a hierarchy happening amongst some of the volunteers! I don't want to get messed up in that so will leave them to it and just concentrate on the residents.

Hope you are doing okay SN.

Cheers to you and all reading from Dools

[quirkywords]

Mrsd Dool and everyone reading,

I read the posts but I don’t often post.

I like your description of the little boy being excite by his shoes. I still get excited by new shoes and want to show them off but as an adult one feels restrained by displaying excitement over one’s shoes!!

I like your insight into the structure of the volunteers at the aged care home. I always found at work or volunteering the best way is to get on with the job and avoid the politics which can be hard.

When you feel at your best, do you find it hard to help the older residents or do they help you?

Quirky