DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

[Doolhof]

Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.

My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.

I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.

Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?

Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.

I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!

Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.

ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!

Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!

Cheers from a battered feeling Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi Deebi, Grandy and all Reading,

hanks again for your lovely, encouraging and insightful messages. Love the wisdom you are sharing with me and others ladies.

Despite the neighbours using some loud, obnoxious, reverberating sounding machinery and my husband having the T.V. up loud, I am having a good day! I am trying to shut the noise out. I was going to do some gardening but the noise outside is hurting my ears.

This morning I went for a walk up a track on a small hill without too much pain in my ankle. I stopped for a while and heard some delightful birds and a lamb bleating in the distance. I feel sorry for the lambs and the farmers, as there is no feed at all in the paddocks except for what the farmers supply.

I did manage to get to the art exhibitions in the end! In some of them I was allowed to take photos so captured some of the creativity of others and felt inspired to do more crafts myself. Some places had some brochures so I took those and will place them in the hope/happiness journal.

Yesterday I went out for a drive with another lady and we had a lovely day out. I have written down different things about our outing so will add that to the journal too and may print out some photos sometime to go with it as well.

Your point Deebi about expanding on the good things in life is something the Narrative Therapist shared with me. The more we expand on all that we enjoy and that makes us happy and positive, the more our minds will concentrate on such things and reduce the power the negatives have in our lives.

So for now I am going to concentrate on engaging with people here on the forum, then will be creative in my journal and maybe listen to some music while I do some craft.

Why to the Australia Footy League umpires have to blow their whistles so loudly and so often! Ha. Ha. I can hear them even with the door to the office shut!

Hope you are all having a good day!

Cheers from Doolsy

[Doolhof]

Hi All,

Today the other neighbour is using the angle grinder between thumping stuff very loudly!

I can't stay inside another afternoon so will just have to put up with the noises.

It was a lot quieter living in the city! Ha. Ha.

Hope you are all having an enjoyable day!

Cheers from Dools

[Ggrand]

Hello Mrs Dools...

i have a person 3 doors down that works on cars...so noisey at times...Being in the country with out all the suburban noises, the grinding banging etc seems to echo so much..

I bought myself some earplugs..they don’t block it all out but they do sullen the sharpness of the noise...maybe that’s something that may help you when he decides to be so noisy...Just my thoughts Mrs Dools..

How are both your physical and mental health today dear lady?

Please enjoy your day as much as you can today..

Love and hugs Mrs Dools..💜🤗..

Grandy...

[demonblaster]

Hiya dear Doolsy Grandy 💑 and readers ☺

Oh Doolsy you're not winning are you 🤗

🎧 I've borrowed these heavy duty ear plugs from good man Croixy. Have you noticed extreme annoying sound we tune in and out of thank goodness. Over a long period of time I've been working on how not to let it stress and annoy me...no clues yet 😅 nah very slowly getting there.

Dogs seems to be my curse in this area, both places we live/d incessant and I'm talking literally hrs. I'm impressed with myself (searching for large head emoji) I'm starting to quiet him down (friends across the road it's when they're not home) and I know their hearing's several times stronger than ours although I'm quite loud. I'm happy because I've found a gentler way than putting gruff in my voice.

Sounds devine the lambs bleating and birdies. Sounds so barren where you are I'm so pleased when I hear of the goods. Esp when you get to the beach.

Heard you at Grandys, same absolutely adore trees, I'll mention them and a gorgeous flower shrub on recent walks on Shells walking thread sometime. Theres so much mindblowing beauty in nature, we scored well living on Earth from what they've seen so far we absolutely got the pick of the crop.

Really liking how you're going Doolsy handling this all. Yes goods crowd our minds less room and time for bad thoughts. Our brains don't ever stop so while we're controlling our thoughts we're winning.

Bbl (be back later) hun 🖐☺🤗

[Doolhof]

Hi again DB Grandy and All,

Thanks for the idea about ear plugs. I have tried a few. Someone suggested watching a clip on how to put them in properly as I do find the ear plugs hurt my ears after a while. I've tried ear muff thingys as well.

The neighbour eventually finished his work so I did get outside for a while. I watered some of the garden at least. Didn't seem to have the energy for anything else.

Had a second session with a new counsellor. This time she asked me to fill in one of those questionnaires rating how you feel and cope with different things over the last 2 weeks and month. By the time she had worked the program out on the computer, it was time for me to leave, so no real counselling happened.

Maybe next time!

I went for a walk in a park after and tried to appreciate the different bird calls I could hear and the surroundings. Some of the gum trees had their trunks highlighted in the sun and almost looked white. They were stunning against the blue sky and green of their leaves.

I'm trying to ignore the few aches and pains I have and am trying hard to not allow those negatives to get a hold. I will choof them off before they can grow!

Need to think about how I will fill in my evening so it feels more positive. Maybe I will do some drawing and see what happens.

Cheers all from Dools

[demonblaster]

Hey Mrs Doolsy ☺ Grandy and all 👋

I remember the ear plugs.
Was just thinking maybe you could listen to music when you learn how to put them in and or get some music on your phone when you learn how.

If you type in the address bar at the top anything you want to know theres a lot of info on the net.
Alternatively if you have a music system that you could plug these 🎧 type into while there's noise around could make it more bearable.
I don't know but if they hurt your ears it might be the shape of your ears like mine I have trouble keeping them in. I imagine now days theres a few choices for listening devices. You might find over the ears easier.

Watering was a good choice it's quite cathartic. Very hard when we don't have the energy poor darl it's horrid.

I would hope the counsellor makes up that time to you. It wasn't your fault she had trouble with the programme. Lets hope she's good for you dear Doolsy.

Sounds lovely the park walk oh and was happy hearing your foot the other day was a bit kinder.

Have you seen Ghost gums they're a Whitish one too. Sounds gorgeous that sight. Maybe you could add that description to your hat box.

Did you manage some drawing? I like how you try so much it's never easy in depression but you push through.

Regarding your pain.
Meditation has shown to be of great help with mental and physical pain.

They had 3 groups of people I might be a tad hazy.

• Group 1 meditated

• " 2 had placebo pain meds

• " 3 pain meds

The meditation group when the same pain was inflicted had quite a higher tolerance to it.

I read somewhere here and very true many say it doesnt work but it needs practice. Though on saying that I believe there's hope for most people because most of the time my memories in an out and concentration has always been poor esp of course in poor mh. Throw mania into the mix and concentration goes out the window because we're hyper (high) focused on the lightening speed of accelerated thoughts which are mega fast anyway.

A couple of times in wayyy higher mania days than now I managed with little practice over the yrs a few seconds maybe 20 give or take. It not only worked it helped calm me. I was in a state the stress is high even though it's great.

I'll talk more on it if you're interested.

Keep the good memories and happy thoughts rolling darl and remember to feel the thoughts. Only good ones let the yuks move through with the wind.

🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello Mrs Dools...

I worked in a noisey paper folding factory for over 16 years and it waa s a necessity to wear or no job.....The ones I wore wereca very soft rubber that fits comfy in the ear....The foam ones..they hurt and I couldn’t wear them....I know you can buy on line at eBay...I am so pleased he finished enough for you to water your garden....My gareden has a few surviving geraniums..and some cactus and succulents..and that’s about all...Mrs Dools, did you know...that snakes won’t go near geraniums...Lots of houses have them here..and the colours are beautiful....

I hope so much that you connect with your new counsellor...That’s okay darl..They need to do that test to help you the best they can.....I hope next visit for you will be easier and more helpful for you..🤗..

Your walk sounds like you were being very mindful of your surroundings...Their are a ghost gum trees out my way..they are as all the rest are beautiful....

We are expecting rain on Friday..I hope that the rain finds its way to my little village....

Those negatives are sneaky Mrs Dools...but our positives are stronger and can with practise overcome our negatives...and Choof it off...

Evening are harder to fill with our time then daytime...I never used to but now watch a few tv shows that I know are safe from triggers..I just started drawing and enjoying drawing squiggles lines and colouring in between...Ha..Ha. the new Michael Anglo...or there’s the online jigsaws are not too bad....

I hope today was okay for you dear friend...

Lots of caring hugs and love Dear precious Mrs Dools..🤗💜..

Grandy....

[Doolhof]

Dear DB and Grandy,

It really is so very kind and wonderful of you both to drop by and have a "chat".

I have Smiling Mind on my phone and it was recommended I listen to that 3 times a day. I keep forgetting to do so! Somehow I will try to make that a habit.

Yesterday I didn't go to the writing group, I had some energy so cleaned all the dirt out of the patio area. The plants changed colour when I poured water over them! Wandered about in the garden for a while picking up sticks.

We had a little rain which was so lovely! Now the plants in the garden are clean again! No more layers of dirt on everything. Hope you get some rain Grandy.

Last night I felt like I was kicked in the guts again when my husband was very discouraging. I wanted to run away but felt like I had no where to go. It was too darn cold to drive somewhere and sleep in the car, plus my car is tiny!

So I stayed home and tried to deal with my negative thoughts and stop them from spiralling down. I did a lot of choofing Grandy! Ha. Ha.

Those negative thoughts do feed off each other if we are not careful! Husband discouraging, Mother in law not having any gluten free food for me Saturday except potatoes, Narrative therapist didn't send me a report like she said she would, counsellor fluffing about on the computer the whole session, MH worker not returning my calls, no work, no money, back aching...Need to change this line of thinking!

Yes DB I have been told to try meditation. I know it could be beneficial, just a matter of doing it! Maybe I will listen to Smiling Mind after my shower this morning.

I'm off to the Op Shop today.

It would be so easy to go back to bed and feel totally defeated right now...but what is the point of that!

Cheers again ladies and thanks so much for your care! Hugs to you both from Dools

[demonblaster]

Hi Doolsy Grandy 💑 and all ☺
Oh darl it's so incredibly hard to lift when so much is stacked against. For now it is. In time even small changes for the better can happen.
A small package of hope 🌞

Feel the love and strength transferring to you from this which I must admit with a big heads an extremely good 🤗 hug. I should charge💲

Hearing about hubby honestly makes me want to have a word with him. That's so sad Doolsy.
When someone especially 24/7 in your life isnt supportive and berating you, well you know what it does.

Does he realise how much he's hurting you which maybe not I think he has MH too, ? Autism spectrum which blocks awareness of feelings or I may be confused with someone else. Either way it's not on!

Hun I think but not sure I have BPD too. If not I do have a strong understanding of how it is to go right down and stay there with lifes littles 🎁 of joy.

What I'm slowly starting to learn to do is yes we feel it hard, no choice really. Pains automatic at this stage for now anyway not necessarily in the future. I'm working on a reply. Be back later (bbl) or bbs (soon.

Would you like me to remind you at times or daily about smiling minds.
Something else, maybe you could draw a smiley face and plant them around the place including in your hand bag kitchen bedroom lounge bathroom fridge where you sit etc.

Go the choof power! 💪 Strength we've all got it, its just playing hide and seek. We have the intelligence resources and 👀 to seek. We need to believe that cause it's true and helps open pathways in our minds to find the blighters.

Honestly Dools this counsellor lovey it sounds like youre going to need to put her straight it can be said nicely on doing her job you're so in need of help and shes wasting your visits. Makes me 😤mad when people don't do their jobs properly. They get paid for it esp in a helping profession.

For now lovely can I suggest put your focus on your happies. Might be a very good time to open your hat box with all the goods & distraction. Your mind needs to be having a break from pain.

Here's some help. Have a little think about these Doolsy lovey how you feel when you see them what you hear how do they feel to touch, colour etc.

🕊🦅🐣 birdies

🦋

⚘🌻

🌞

🌲🌴🌿trees nature

🕊 peace hun. It's honestly in our grasp. I know that now.

Love care and a LOT of no calorie gluten free fattening joys of choccy 🍫🍰🎂🍨🍟🍔🥓

😀🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello Mrs Dools, Deebi and all...

Yes the negatives feed of the negatives making them grow and become much more overpowering then they should be..Please Mrs Dools..also our positives work the same way..they also feed off each other and become more powerful then our negatives...Try as hard as you can to bring that first positive thought to the front of your mind so it can keep growing....

Its wonderful that your part of the world had a Mother Nature clean up...Were supposed to get tomorrow some rain...I really hope the weather people gets it right..😂...

My first instincts are to run away...Problem with that is our negative thoughts also come with us..okay If we can leave them at home and only our positives come with us🤗...unfortunately it doesn’t work that way...and we always have to come back...

Mrs Dools...Good girl choofing those thoughts away...your doing a good job...I can understand about feeling how you did with your hubby...the hurt goes deep and eats away eats away at us...but we have to remember that we don’t have to believe discouraging words...They are untrue...We do our best and that’s all we can do..Please believe in you dear lady...Have you and hubby sat down and have you told him about how he is making you feel?...

Oh Deebi...I have so many smiley faces around my home..they remind me of you..I even coloured them in with your avatars colours and drew the best I could 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 with Deebi bbff...written underneath...🤗.It helps me to know I’m cared for and you are awmis.....I hope you don’t mind....It’s a great idea Mrs Dools...

Im free to come to yours Mrs Dools and help you eat the yummies Deebi has left you....We could sit outside and look at the trees and listen to the birds...if that’s okay...

Your constantly amazing me Mrs Dools with the way you continually try to find peace...as Deebi said and I believe her..that peace 🕊..is within our reach...it could be just around the next corner or in the next new day..keep reaching towards it dear Mrs Dools...

Hoping Your today at tgevop shop gives you some lightvand some relief from your depression...💕💕..

Sending you my love, care and hugs 💜💜🤗..and a beautiful 🌈...

Grandy...