DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

[Doolhof]

Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.

My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.

I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.

Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?

Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.

I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!

Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.

ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!

Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!

Cheers from a battered feeling Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi dear DB and All Reading,

I'm home again and Mum is still in hospital, she hopes to be able to return home tomorrow. A sibling of mine is going to assist Mum tomorrow.

Mum told me she didn't need to see me today so I have telephoned her a couple of times to make sure she is okay. Her overnight stay turned into a 4 night stay due to complications.

I've been doing a lot of praying and worked really hard to make the most of what ever happened. I'm trying to recall all of the lovely moments and to let go of the stuff that was not so pleasant.

Each day I managed a walk on the beach, sometimes by myself which gave me a chance to just chill out.

On one occasion I was taking a photo of some shells I placed all in a line on the beach. When I turned around, I had about a dozen seagulls watching me, probably hoping I had food and not just shells!

DB thanks for your instructions and message, I had already left before I saw what you had written.

This last week has helped me regain confidence in myself and my ability to deal with issues. I didn't always do well, and that is okay too!

Now to start making the most of each day in what ever way I can to help build up my resilience once again! To keep reminding myself that people can say what they like, I don't have to take their words or actions to heart!

I have also started to read a Christian book about hope and growth. It seemed that when ever I picked it up to read it, the bits of instruction I needed were right there in words to help me along!

Hope you are doing okay DB and same to all who are reading.

Oh yer, I came home to a sink full of dirty dishes! I told myself I can be thankful I have a husband, thankful we have water for dishes and thankful I have the ability to wash them!

Cheers all from Dools

[demonblaster]

Hey Doolsy good to see you was wondering how you were going. That went quickly.

Wow you really are sounding quite a bit stronger I'm so glad hearing how you're sounding like you have a new lease on it all. You're a strong lady for sure.

So nice you had plenty of beach time, I know you're at peace there 😆 love the seagulls lining up and how neat lining the shells up. Creative outlet there Doolsy. Keep those nice memories close hand hun.

Wow how fantastic the Christian book on hope and growth everytime was what you needed.

Haha loven your thinking meeting a sink full of dishes, good on ya Doolsy.

So pleased you really do sound like you're on your way back up. That's the way Doolsy 🤗

Go easy on yourself hun 🎀

Hope your Mum recovers well.

[Ggrand]

Hello Mrs Dools..,

Welcome back hun..I’m pleased to hear that your mum is doing okay..that’s really good news, you done an amazing job being their for her, that’s the caring, kind, beautiful person you are...

Good girl, trying to recall all the lovely moments you had...any thing other then lovely moments are not worth the space in our minds....Choof them off hun..I know you can do that...

How lovely collecting shells...I remember I collected shells 🐚 small shells mainly, a few bigger ones and I glued them onto a little cardboard box, and made a pretty shell trinket/jewerlly box..

Sounds peaceful your walks along the beach, I like the idea of mindfully placing the shells in a row for a photo...and smiled as I remember the sea gulls constantly on look out for food...and pictured them swooping down picking a shell up from up your neat row, only to drop it further down with disappointment because it’s not food....😁..Or maybe they were after their 🎥 picture taken..😁😂..

I feel sometimes that a change of scenery helps to kick start our resilience and we start to get stronger again...

Mrs Dools...maybe you were meant to read the book...I believe that something are meant to be..especially if it’s helping you when you need it....

Very proud of you dear lady..finding some positives in a sink full of dirty dishes...You truely are an inspiration precious dear lady.....

Sending you much love and some hugs 💜🤗..I hope you have a wonderfully deep relaxing sleep tonight tonight with dreams of fairies, flowers and all things sweet and nice....

Grandy.....

[Doolhof]

Dear DB and Grandy,

Thanks ladies, I greatly appreciate the Welcome Back. I sent Mum a message this morning before she left the hospital. Hopefully she will not have anymore complications after her surgery.

The book I took along was "found" by one of the ladies at the Op Shop. She suggested I might like to read it so I bought it and took it with me. I am going to keep on reading it and will make notes from it.

I plan to write out or print off some of the wonderful suggestions, ideas and words of hope contained in the book and add them to the little box I already have with positive words and sayings in it.

While I was away, I took some photos on my mobile phone so will see how I go about getting them printed off and will add some to my journal and write down all the positives in there as well.

Today I might do some watering and potter about in the garden. Like a lot of places, we have not had rain for so long it is getting so dry with a lot of the garden dying!

I hope to read more of that book as well.

Yesterday I cleaned and refilled the bird baths, it was lovely to see a variety of birds enjoying the bird bath out from the kitchen window.

I'm trying to keep the negative thoughts in check! Or to acknowledge them and let them go again. I like the idea Grandy of "Choofing" them off!

Tomorrow I have an appointment in a larger town that has a Coles and Woolworths so I will see if either store has Gluten Free Hot Cross Buns for sale. We have a service at Church on Good Friday and we always have hot cross buns after. I will take my own along hopefully.

Thanks again ladies, a bit of encouragement goes a long way!

Cheers from Mrs Doolsy

[Guest_1055]

Hi Mrs D, Grandy and DB,

You do sound more hopeful or perhaps peaceful Mrs D.

Way good.

[quirkywords]

Mrs D and everyone reading,

you have had a busy week and have made plans. I will be impressed when you download photographs from your mobile. I would be clueless.

you seem positive.

I suppose I accept I will have negative thoughts and self doubt but I can try to ignore them.

Let me know how choofing negative thoughts goes.

Quirky

[demonblaster]

Hey Doolsy hey everyone ☺

Wow so good hearing that chirp you have dear lady you really do sound so much more positive and got plenty of plans. Good on you hun.

Nice seeing the birdies in the bird bath and being outsides always refreshing I find.

You're a strong courageous lady you inspire so many I'm sure. Love how you're bouncing back you're amazing.

Leaving you and anyone wanting a good soul warming hug.

🤗

⚘

🌱

[demonblaster]

Hey Shells and Quirky and of course my/our beautiful Grandy.

Sorry just posted and forgot to say hi ☺

[Doolhof]

Dear Shell, Quirky, DB, Grandy and All reading,

Last night I had to do a bit of "choofing" of those negative thoughts when I felt like my dear husband was treating me like the hired help and not his wife. I'm still "choofing" those thoughts and similar this morning.

I'm off for a walk shortly, that will help in some ways.

I need to find ways to make things work differently here at home. It is horrible not feeling comfortable in your own place and like a second class citizen.

Okay! Time to deal with the negatives, look for the nice things that are around me and get on with my day.

This morning I have my last appointment with the Narrative Therapist. While in that town I am going to try to get my photos off the phone. Hopefully the staff will be able to show me what I need to do!

Right now I am telling myself I could turn this into a good day or I could stew over what happened last night and turn it into a not so pleasant day! A good day seems like the wiser choice! Now to make it happen!

Hi Shelley I'm starting to re-find a sense of hope and peace, so that is something I want to continue to work on.

DB thanks for the hug, much appreciated!

Quirky those negatives thoughts do keep happening don't they! All depends what we do with them as to how our day turns out. Hopefully I will not get tot he point of suffocation again. Need to deal with stuff long before that happens.

I hope you are all able to work out what some of your triggers are and you can find ways to move on and choof those negative thoughts right out of your mind.

Cheers all from Dools

[Doolhof]

I need to go BLAH and release some frustration.

I arrived in plenty of time for my teleconference Narrative Therapy session and checked in.

The clock rolled past my session start time.

A staff member came out to say the lady I had expected to help me was not in today. Another lady would be with me shortly.

Eventually she arrived 15 minutes after the scheduled teleconference start time. We arrived in the room and she did not know how to connect to the connection.

Connected eventually and had a 1/2 hour session instead of a 1 hour session.

The staff member had left the room and told me to see myself out of the building when I had finished.

Yes, the session did sort of happen, but I'm so tired of being screwed around and not receiving proper services.

Right now I am back to thinking "what is the point in trying !"

Where to from here? Certainly not back to that service.

How hard would it have been for someone to text or phone me to let me know of the changes before I arrived! That would have made a huge difference.

Instead I feel frustrated and annoyed.

At least I used up some of that angry energy vacuuming and mopping the floors.

Part of me thinks why bother to try to get better?

Ah, this sucks.