Dealing with a cheating ex

[There]

Hey everyone,

I’m completely new here and needing support. My ex broke up with me 6 weeks ago. I’m feeling completely lost and empty. He came into my life after my marriage broke down (another story) and helped me get back on my feet. We had so much contact, loved doing the same things and spent so much time together. We were long distance for 6 months before I moved for him and a great job opportunity. I’d been in Vic for 11 months when he decided to break it off. He’s a very supportive person who likes to help people. So I wasn’t worried when he was helping a couple of female friends. We began to have an issue when I asked for some reassurance (he had increased phone usage and turning phone on silent - my ex husband cheated on me also, so I realize that I could be hyper sensitive to that) about these ladies and I suggested that it could be in the form of meeting them or anything that was comfortable to him. He got defensive and 3 days later broke up with me saying that he wanted space, it was him and he needed to deal with his issues and fix himself. He led me on a little bit saying things like he wanted to check in, he wasn’t sure if we were over or not etc. fast forward 4 weeks later and he’s seeing one of the girls (the one he works with and not his typical type of woman he likes). I’m finding this so hard to deal with. I have no motivation, I feel empty and just so hurt. I actually don’t think he was that honest in our relationship (I’ve since found out some other lies he told me at the start of our relationship). My head knows that he is bad for me as I’ve also come to realize from self reflection that he actually isn’t that supportive and is very selfish, doesn’t truly communicate (only on his terms or when he wants/needs something). My heart just wants him to come back and work on things with me and I know that’s not going to happen. I’m so down he has just moved on and I feel like he didn’t value our relationship at all. I’m crying all the time and sometimes I don’t even know why. I feel like I have no friends here in Vic and everything I do or want to do reminds me of him because it’s the things we used to do. I’m terrified of running into them as I know he would still be doing the things we would do together (with or without her). Just feeling so lost.

Thanks x

[There]

Hey Rx,

Paintings done but far from dusted! Good to see mum, dad and the horses though.

Glad the beach was nice 🙂

I’m sorry to hear that about your gf. Sounds like maybe she needs some more space to work on herself more? It’s such a hard bloody thing when all you want is for your partner to wake up and realize that you’re trying to help them and they just see things differently. So. Hard. 😕

Me... well thought I was doing great today. Had feelings like maybe I could do the things Mr. M was holding me back from, travel, moving OS (was always a dream) but then on the way home the tears hit and the wanting him back came flooding in. Sucks. I just want it to end.

Hope everyone’s Tuesday is tremendously terrific 🙂 no apologies for the cheese on that 😛

J x

[Brad49]

Thats Funny/co incidental T(here) i run 2.21 km every morning followed by weights and personal training 5 days a week.Right now im looking for a running /fitness partner.

[Guest_1584]

haha well, ya both putting me to shame right now l stopped running 2 yrs back and just can't be bothered getting myself back out there lately.

l miss the always feeling so good from running though, amazing how creeky and slow ya body gets again after you stop and you know all it needs is that exercise again to shale it all up.

Shyt sorry nikki , damn fool of an ex. Is there anyway to talk it through with him and work at getting it right peacefully. That's what my ex and me have done right through , so much better for mt daughter .it's killed sucking it up with ex sometimes l've wanted to blast her that bad, j's right though as long as she doesn't think l' attacking her or sending her on guilt trips, she's great , for an ex.

Well gf and l are still talkin. She's been mostly good and she has made lots of progress and turned a few corners for sure, pretty big ones after all. What we really need though is to just be together good, again, this apart is driving us both pretty crazy. l've almost got her on a plane back home for a mth, almost. That's what we need to know. Trouble is l can't even imagine anyone else.

[There]

Haha that is Brad! It’s always easier when you run or work out with someone. I do classes with my cousin but I’d like to hit the weights to try and tone up a bit and the running... Mr. M used to keep me motivated as I find it a bit hard when doing 5km not to get bored!

Where are you based if you don’t mind me asking? I’m not even sure I’m allowed to ask anyways?

[There]

Hey Rx,

Hang in there. It sounds like there’s hope at the end of the tunnel. I’d kill for that! I’m so pleased, I hope she can get on a plane and come home for a bit. But where to from there? Have you thought of a long term plan? Is she OS for good or how long? Sorry so many questions!

J x

[Ruby3]

I’m not sure how much longer I can do this for guys.

I don’t want to be a single mum. It’s too hard. He screams for his dad all day everyday. And all I can think about is what my ex did. How he’s humiliated me.

im not sure how I’ll ever get over this.

[There]

😞 Nikki I’m so sorry. It is so bad and only time will help you get past this. You’ll have really, really bad days (and I’m having them too). Have you spoken to your psychologist about your son?

You are a strong woman. Look at everything you do. My mum sent me this which really helped me work out the difference between responsibility and fault. Google Will Smith fault and responsibility.

Its not going to be an easy road and you’ll stumble and not want to get up (I’m down there with you at the moment, you’re not alone) but you will get past this. You’ll find a man who treats you like you should be treated and cherish both you and your son. He’ll support you, love you and want to work through the hard times with you. He’s out there wondering why he can’t find someone like you. It sucks not finding them straight away but you’ll be a stronger woman when you meet them.

J x

[Brad49]

Born and raised in Brisbane T(here) .My Pt advised me yesterday to try doubling my run to 4.5km and to see how it goes.. She thinks i can do it easily. My 1st attempt will be this morning.

And Ruby if you look at my thread before christmas i said exactly the same thing.You know i have a 2 year old son going through the exact same thing.Just give your son as much love and attention as you can.Time will heal.If you don't believe,look at my progress.You WILL get over it.

[There]

Lovely! Hope you can find someone to work out with, makes a difference. That’s excellent, doubling it up. Let us know how you go!

How are you doing?

J x

[There]

How are you feeling today Nikki?

I’m pretty sad about Mr. M... wish he didn’t do any of this. Wish he realized what an idiot he’s been.

J x