Dealing with a cheating ex

[There]

Hey everyone,

I’m completely new here and needing support. My ex broke up with me 6 weeks ago. I’m feeling completely lost and empty. He came into my life after my marriage broke down (another story) and helped me get back on my feet. We had so much contact, loved doing the same things and spent so much time together. We were long distance for 6 months before I moved for him and a great job opportunity. I’d been in Vic for 11 months when he decided to break it off. He’s a very supportive person who likes to help people. So I wasn’t worried when he was helping a couple of female friends. We began to have an issue when I asked for some reassurance (he had increased phone usage and turning phone on silent - my ex husband cheated on me also, so I realize that I could be hyper sensitive to that) about these ladies and I suggested that it could be in the form of meeting them or anything that was comfortable to him. He got defensive and 3 days later broke up with me saying that he wanted space, it was him and he needed to deal with his issues and fix himself. He led me on a little bit saying things like he wanted to check in, he wasn’t sure if we were over or not etc. fast forward 4 weeks later and he’s seeing one of the girls (the one he works with and not his typical type of woman he likes). I’m finding this so hard to deal with. I have no motivation, I feel empty and just so hurt. I actually don’t think he was that honest in our relationship (I’ve since found out some other lies he told me at the start of our relationship). My head knows that he is bad for me as I’ve also come to realize from self reflection that he actually isn’t that supportive and is very selfish, doesn’t truly communicate (only on his terms or when he wants/needs something). My heart just wants him to come back and work on things with me and I know that’s not going to happen. I’m so down he has just moved on and I feel like he didn’t value our relationship at all. I’m crying all the time and sometimes I don’t even know why. I feel like I have no friends here in Vic and everything I do or want to do reminds me of him because it’s the things we used to do. I’m terrified of running into them as I know he would still be doing the things we would do together (with or without her). Just feeling so lost.

Thanks x

[Guest_1584]

Gday J.

Ahh look people say stuff like that , l reckon they're just trying to come up with something that might help really.

Of course we miss the person , we miss the relationship , we miss the whole lot. Quite possible he does need a few fights , my gf does , if it doesn't happen she'll start one, then she'll twist it all around and tell me next day it was my fault, Look , tbh , she's worked on herself a bit but only in a few areas that she actually acknowledges but that's another thing , like l saying it's complicated but she's still not right for sure. No where near it , the more we talk the more stuff is starting to come out again this last few days , which was what split us up in the first place , tbh , she's a bit better but she's still a bit of a mess. Nothin l can do , or go mad trying. No thanks.

Anyway yep beautiful day at the beach , in the shade mind you haha, can't lay round in this heat all day. Had some great swims.

Happy painting , 20 tomorrow here , that's a bit more like it.

[Brad49]

Going on a date is more of a stroking my Ego type thing right now.I dont care if the date goes nowhere. Just the fact that i can get a date and be out and about.. if the date goes somewhere fine 🙂 if not thats fine too 🙂

My exercise.. well im looking the best ive been in years .. When my son was born i was 129kg 2 years later im now 95kg with lots of lean muscle everywhere and looking good. Im very fit right now. i run 2.2kms every morning and was recently tested over 1km for 5mins 🙂 I do weights twice a day and personal training classes 5 days a week... This is something i always wanted to do.. to be lean with lots of muscles . Its my happy place 🙂

[Brad49]

well i did something stupid.. My wife called this morning as i was about to have my relaxing day off..I thought it might be good for our son.we ended up going to the weekend markets together all 3 of us... spent a few hours out there.Wound up with me being angry at her and having a argument and yelling at her and me telling her never to call me again.Turns out her and her boyfriend were having a few problems.. so she was trying to patch things up with me. Now they are back on track she doesnt want anything to do with me.. I feel used and abused

[Guest_1584]

Oh no man l hope it wasn't in front of your son, he would've been so happy to be with his family again. Not that l could blame ya going off at her.

Sorry about the rest though. Maybe it's just as well my ex doesn't call me in that way l still cringe and feel sick every time there's a message though , have 5yrs now. Dunno if l'll ever stop that, l bloody hope so one day.

[Ruby3]

Hi everyone.

Hope your long weekend is going well.

Feeling a bit stressed out. Had a couple of arguments with the ex because he’s not stepping up and being a father like he should. Keeps cancelling days with his son, bringing him back to me early etc. whenever I say anything he sees it as an attack on him and starts to get nasty, makes comments about my appearance etc or my ability as a mother. I’m just sick of him

I filed for sole custody yesterday so fingers crossed that goes through.

Nikki x

[Ruby3]

Hey brad

hope you’re ok. Only just saw your post.

It wasn’t stupid to call her and spend time with her, it would have been nice for your son and I’m sure that’s why you did it. It’s terrible that she’s done that though, she’s obviously just someone who has to have someone and can’t be on her own? Do you get that feeling too?

I think now you are in your happy place just keep doing what’s right for you. Easier said than done though I know.

Nikki. X

[Brad49]

My wife has multiple backup plans going right now im one of them. One of them she mentioned was moving into a place of her own if things go sour with her bf. Me personally im like wtf? shes already planning for that?I shouldnt be suprised ,shes only after him for the money and drained all his personal savings already by what she was telling me... Typical gold digger.. But yeah my Personal trainer keeps telling me how good i look now.. and i know it 😛 ive gone from 117kg from when my wife left to 95 kg, muscles on my arms,nearly a flat chest and im bulking up.. looking like liam hemsworth without a shirt is my aim and im halfway there 😛 (but in reality im a twin to russel crowe) heh

[There]

Good on you Brad! Long distance high five on the weight loss that’s so freakin awesome! I’m down 30 kilos (like to do 10 more) from my marriage weight, gym 5 nights and I like to go on the weekends if I can. I used to love running would do 3km every morning and park run on the weekends. I haven’t really since Mr. M left... we used to run together 😕

Just wanted to say well done! That’s amazing and it’s hard work but so worth it in the end!

[There]

Hey Nikki,

That’s bloody terrible! I’m so sorry you have to go through that. I know it doesn’t help now but he will regret one day not being there as a father. And to talk to you like that. I’m sorry he’s said those terrible things but he’s just trying to deflect from the fact he’s feeling sh*t because he’s being a bad father or he can’t do more. Don’t take it personally it’s all a reflection of himself. He thinks that about himself.

Good luck on the sole custody.

How are you apart from that?

J x

[There]

I agree with Nikki, Brad you would’ve had best intentions for your son with catching up with your ex.

Sounds like you know what she is like, which is good.

Love the self confidence, good on you Brad! And some great goals to look towards! Haha As long as you don’t throw phones like good ol’ Russ you’re doing great! 😛

J x