Dealing with a cheating ex

[There]

Hey everyone,

I’m completely new here and needing support. My ex broke up with me 6 weeks ago. I’m feeling completely lost and empty. He came into my life after my marriage broke down (another story) and helped me get back on my feet. We had so much contact, loved doing the same things and spent so much time together. We were long distance for 6 months before I moved for him and a great job opportunity. I’d been in Vic for 11 months when he decided to break it off. He’s a very supportive person who likes to help people. So I wasn’t worried when he was helping a couple of female friends. We began to have an issue when I asked for some reassurance (he had increased phone usage and turning phone on silent - my ex husband cheated on me also, so I realize that I could be hyper sensitive to that) about these ladies and I suggested that it could be in the form of meeting them or anything that was comfortable to him. He got defensive and 3 days later broke up with me saying that he wanted space, it was him and he needed to deal with his issues and fix himself. He led me on a little bit saying things like he wanted to check in, he wasn’t sure if we were over or not etc. fast forward 4 weeks later and he’s seeing one of the girls (the one he works with and not his typical type of woman he likes). I’m finding this so hard to deal with. I have no motivation, I feel empty and just so hurt. I actually don’t think he was that honest in our relationship (I’ve since found out some other lies he told me at the start of our relationship). My head knows that he is bad for me as I’ve also come to realize from self reflection that he actually isn’t that supportive and is very selfish, doesn’t truly communicate (only on his terms or when he wants/needs something). My heart just wants him to come back and work on things with me and I know that’s not going to happen. I’m so down he has just moved on and I feel like he didn’t value our relationship at all. I’m crying all the time and sometimes I don’t even know why. I feel like I have no friends here in Vic and everything I do or want to do reminds me of him because it’s the things we used to do. I’m terrified of running into them as I know he would still be doing the things we would do together (with or without her). Just feeling so lost.

Thanks x

[There]

Thanks for mentioning those Rx. It all sounds so hard and heartbreaking. Is she aware she does this? So hard 😞 how long is she OS for?

i don’t think the ex husband was having a mlc... he’s only 33 (like me) and we split when we were 32. Think he just got bored to be honest. But... Mr. M... another story. Commitment I think is his issue. So many red flags and he’s sabotaged is by emotionally leaning out. I just want to realize he’s made a mistake. Wish it would happen. Feeling ok today. Still sad...

J x

[There]

Sounds complicated Brad. I’m sorry both you and your son have to deal with this. It’s hard with a liar... how many times can you trust them? How are you going?

[Guest_1584]

Yeah sorry brad, god can't win.

Thanks j , yeah l think you'd be safe in earlier 30s , God only knows.

Well , if we were going on she could come back now for awhile but l don't think there's much hope.

She's even turned vegan ,neurotically vegan , in just 3mths.

Ah well , l may get my closure if nothing else..

[Brad49]

ive been pineing for her for the past week.. all this contact with her and talking about her..

I need to go out and enjoy myself somewhere or go out on a date real soon or both combined 😛

[Ruby3]

Hi guys,

hope you’re ok brad, I understand the pining feeling well. Do you think you’re ready to date? I thought I was but then the rejection feels doubley as hard when it happens because of what we’ve been through? What do you think?

How are you doing j? You’re doing so so well with your exercise etc to try and stay off the AD, I should be doing this but struggle to find the motivation.

How are you feeling today rx? Have you heard anymore from her or has she given you anymore clue as to what she wants?

Nikki x

[There]

Thanks Rx... I dunno the 2 relationships I’ve had have ended in cheating so I can see where the sabotage comes from. Mr. M turned 40 this year and I wondered if it was a mlc but really think it’s commitment problems.

Has she spoken about coming home? Any more word from her? Wow that’s a huge change in just 3 months. This limbo must be hard. I can understand you wanting either to work on it or get some closure.

J x

[There]

Hey Brad,

Yep know the pining thing well too. You defs should get out and do something for yourself! Do something that you want to do that she wouldn’t or held you back from doing. I always find that helpful 🙂

J x

[There]

Hey Nikki,

Im doing ok. The last 2 days have been better. I’ve been trying to cut myself off when I think about them or him by saying ‘I don’t want him’ has helped a bit but I still have moment where I just cry and miss him. Do you find that?

I think the exercise only happens because I live with my cousin, we go together so I have someone I have to account to otherwise I’d have no motivation and I’d be on the couch with a pack of Tim tams 😛 I also lost 20kilos in this whole mess (I know it’s crazy, when I’m depressed I don’t eat at all) so keeping that off is motivation too.

How have you been feeling?

J x

[Guest_1584]

Hi guys.

Really no way to tell from here with your h J, it could be as simple as he just met someone else. God only knows.

l'm sorry it's happened and left you in this predicament though so hurt and the whole box of rocks, God l dunno. Seems we have to put a padlock on a partner these days.

Yeah we've been talking non stop for days now. But it's not gonna go anywhere , seems the best l'll get is closure, answers, Yeah she was due to come back about now so it would've been the perfect time to spend time together and let the magic take over , that would fix everything it always did with us. She's trust worthy it's not that it's her mind that gets carried away when we're apart.

Such a shame , and she's also been really dealing with her issues too and coming good in all that but it;s not gonna be of much help now damn it, not to us anyway.

But anyway , it's all so complicated to explain but basically we're kaput and it's the end of the line l'm afraid.

How things going nikki , hows the job , hope it's been going well.

Oh well , heading to the beach this arvo , wash away the sorrows .

Have a good wkend everyone.

rx

[There]

I can’t really handle the thought of him meeting someone else and her being better than me 😞 they certinally wont have the easy going relationship we had because I don’t think anyone is more easy going than me haha maybe he needs a fight every now and again? We only had 2 in the whole 18 months and they weren’t even that bad. I wish he’d realize what a mistake he’s made. Everyone says I’ve dodged a bullet, I dunno. I just miss him. Then they say is it him you miss or the companionship... it’s him I miss.

Im sorry to hear that Rx, wish she could’ve come home and you could sort it out face to face. Hard to do that when you’re so far away. I’m sorry to hear it might be the end. do you get that feeling from her? Maybe you both need some time and space?

Hope the beach is nice! I’m back home (interstate) painting my house with my parents. Too hot!!

J x