Challenging unhelpful thoughts

[Doolhof]

Who comes up with these terms and phrases like "Unhelpful thoughts" and "sometimes foods" . Why can't we just say it as it is!

I feel so damned depressed and down right now I don't want to be here any more. My mood is telling me that I need a truck load of Some times food...all the chocolate, mud cake, Tim Tams, Mars Bars, Bounties and Hedgehog slices I can find. That is just for today.

I'm trying to fight this depression. I really am. It has such a hold on me right now it is like wrestling a tiger.

I've just had two weeks in a local hospital where unfortunately the only thing they had to offer for mental health issues was little pills and a glass of water to calm me down, a 5 minute chat with a nurse if she had time, advise to look in a magazine, think happy thoughts, go for a walk out on the locked verandah area, have a cup of tea and see if there is something nice to watch on t.v.

All very helpful ideas if you are mildly depressed, but when you are beyond the unhelpful thoughts and feelings, it was like trying to put a cork in a volcano.

Now I am home and trying not to go crazy. I have been using the phone help lines. One lady recognises me now as soon as she answers and hears my voice!

All I want to do all day is to cry, to scream, to sleep, to take more pills to make the pain and the hours in the day disappear.

This is a horrid way to try to live.

I'm trying to get some fresh air, do a bit of gardening, eat mostly healthy food, plan something pleasant to do each day and all those good things.

This darn depression, the sadness, the dark clouds of misery, the sense of no hope and no point keep hanging around. I wish they would take off and let me have some peace for a while.

I feel like I am running out of energy to keep fighting this. But fight I must. I can't give up. That feels like an option, but I know it is not the way to go.

Next Friday I am seeing a psychologist. An appointment I made way back in November. Hope she has some ideas on how to beat this.

"Unhelpful Thoughts" just doesn't express it enough.

I doubt the moderators would publish the words I would like to use right now to express my depression!

[Guest_3712]

Hi mrs D

no I have my answer

I am just another patient to him that's it

after 7 years no call to see why I didn't go orbyo discuss letters

sorry can't deal with this

Stressless

[Doolhof]

Hi Stressle4ss,

It is more than fine if you can't deal with this. I may have put my foot in it in a different post relating to your post. My brain didn't put the two together.

Anyway, I will change the subject.

Today I happened to find myself in a park that has a pond with ducks, I goose and two seagulls. People were coming along to feed the ducks.

It was so relaxing watching the ducks swimming around and diving under the water now and then. When they came close to the side of the pond, I could see their little feet going 100 miles an hour.

Now and then one of the ducks would stretch out a wing and the beautiful teal colours in some of the wing feathers caught the sun. The feathers shone like jewels. It was so lovely to see.

Tonight I thought I needed to attend the bowling with my husband, on returning home though, I was in too much pain with my back and had a headache so decided to stay home instead.

My husband had cooked a roast. I was extremely thankful he had put water in the roasting pans before he left so they can soak overnight. I just don't have the energy to tackle that tonight.

I have made the right choices and I am happy with them.

I know what it is like when you are hurt, frustrated, feel let down, angry and what ever else you are feeling.

It may help to write it all down and then plan to do something that you do enjoy to help make you feel better. Not always an easy thing to do, it certainly helps me though.

Some days I just decide I have had enough of feeling yuck so I try hard to have a better day.

Cheers to you Stressless, from Mrs. D.

[Guest_3712]

It's ok I replied on that post too

Stressless

[Doolhof]

Hi Stressless,

Hoping you have a lovely weekend!

Cheers to you from Mrs. D.

[Quercus]

Hi Mrs D,

Hope you can give the low mood you mentioned elsewhere the boot today 😊.

You may not be a mum but you're a sister and aunty. And that is a wonderful thing.

You may not feel like a wife somedays but I saw your post about your husband writing I love you on the oranges. So he may not show he cares a lot but that doesn't mean you're not a wife and loved.

You may not do paid work but you are involved and busy and appreciated in your community.

And you have 3662 posts here. Helping others. Supporting others. Sharing your experiences for others to learn from. Sharing your feelings so others know even if they aren't able to post too that they're not alone.

Just my thoughts Mrs D. Take care of yourself please 😊

[Doolhof]

Dear Quercus,

Thank you so much for your very kind words.

Cheers from Mrs. D.

[blondguy]

Hi Mrs Dools

I just read your thread topic (properly)

Its only my humble opinion but I can never 'challenge' a unhelpful thought.

I used to though.....back in the 1980's but not anymore as it takes way too much of my mental energy

Challenging to me is like 'fighting' unhelpful thoughts....It only makes the thoughts more intense/worse

Accepting these thoughts as 'boring' lets us live in the moment without paying any attention to them

Dr Claire Weekes spoke about 'accepting' these intrusive thoughts in her little paperback 'Self Help for your Nerves'

Once we truly accept these bad thoughts they become only a distant memory.....they have little or no impact. It takes a lot of practice but it works. I think the therapists call it 'Acceptance Therapy' now.

It just clicked to me after the great posts you have been making on the 'Love Yourself' thread.

Great thread Mrs Dools

Paul

[Doolhof]

Hi Paul,

Thanks for your input. I suppose it all boils down to our own concepts and understanding of "words". Challenge in this case means I am not going to let my thoughts run rampant, instead I will be brave enough to face them.

You wrote:

Challenging to me is like 'fighting' unhelpful thoughts....It only makes the thoughts more intense/worse

Accepting these thoughts as 'boring' lets us live in the moment without paying any attention to them

This makes a lot of sense. To me "challenging" my thoughts is my way of ensuring I question the validity of my thoughts, I consider the truth behind them and decide how I am going to accept them and deal with them. To me that is different from fighting them, it is challenging myself to do something to make the situation better.

Your following comment makes more sense to me than anything the psychologist has said regarding my grief filled memories:

Once we truly accept these bad thoughts they become only a distant memory.....they have little or no impact. It takes a lot of practice but it works. I think the therapists call it 'Acceptance Therapy' now.

The haunting memories around the loss of my children is something I find difficult to accept, it is a work in progress! I need to work on the acceptance of the memories and just let them come to me without compounding them.

Thanks Paul.

Cheers from Mrs. D.

[Croix]

Dear Mrs D~

Reading your conversation with Paul I thought I'd join you both for a moment. I've not really been able to come to terms with past memories - which are probably not the same thing as unhelpful thoughts. I have found one thing, my instinct if I try to 'challenge' them quite often leads int either self-justification -I only did that because ... - or wishful thinking - it might have turned out ...

Both these prolong things and I've found not to be at all helpful. One day maybe I'll find a way to just accept them and the accompanying pain, however at the moment I'm still often in the run away -distraction -mode

I will say reading your recent pages Mrs D I think you are certainly doing something right, by and large you sound calmer and better

Croix

[Doolhof]

Hi Croix,

I've just found your message, thanks. Recently I have been trying to work hard on my memories that cause me so much pain, that effort has been beneficial and I am hoping I can continue in this way.

One of my greatest emotional pains has been the loss of my children. In the past I have accepted the fact they have died, but like you mentioned it is learning how to sit with that pain in an acceptable way is sometimes the biggest problem.

I had written out 2 pages of grief and pain for my psychologist to read. All she said was that I had written it well. I told her I needed to discuss it. She told me to go and work on a formula without explaining how it worked!

I gave that same matter to my dear Doctor. While reading it, he had tears in his eyes, he made comments, he understood, he offered a sense of care. That all helped immensely. It helped me to understand an to validate that my pain and suffering was real.

For some reason that acknowledgement by someone else has helped me to heal.

That and reading information on Acceptance Therapy.

Last night as we were watching a show, it soon turned to women giving birth, lots of babies and children. Usually such images would have me crying and feeling intense pain. Last night I was able to watch all of that with a beautiful recognition of my own children and appreciating the joy in seeing other people's babies.

If you haven't already, look into Acceptance Therapy. I hope you find something there that will provide you with a more comforting way to look at your hurts, pains and maybe even agonies from the past.

Feeling the pain will happen, it can be intense, finding a way to sit with it, accepting it, is amazing.

I'm working on finding "ME" Croix, pain and all.

Cheers to you from Mrs. D. xxx