Challenging unhelpful thoughts

[Doolhof]

Who comes up with these terms and phrases like "Unhelpful thoughts" and "sometimes foods" . Why can't we just say it as it is!

I feel so damned depressed and down right now I don't want to be here any more. My mood is telling me that I need a truck load of Some times food...all the chocolate, mud cake, Tim Tams, Mars Bars, Bounties and Hedgehog slices I can find. That is just for today.

I'm trying to fight this depression. I really am. It has such a hold on me right now it is like wrestling a tiger.

I've just had two weeks in a local hospital where unfortunately the only thing they had to offer for mental health issues was little pills and a glass of water to calm me down, a 5 minute chat with a nurse if she had time, advise to look in a magazine, think happy thoughts, go for a walk out on the locked verandah area, have a cup of tea and see if there is something nice to watch on t.v.

All very helpful ideas if you are mildly depressed, but when you are beyond the unhelpful thoughts and feelings, it was like trying to put a cork in a volcano.

Now I am home and trying not to go crazy. I have been using the phone help lines. One lady recognises me now as soon as she answers and hears my voice!

All I want to do all day is to cry, to scream, to sleep, to take more pills to make the pain and the hours in the day disappear.

This is a horrid way to try to live.

I'm trying to get some fresh air, do a bit of gardening, eat mostly healthy food, plan something pleasant to do each day and all those good things.

This darn depression, the sadness, the dark clouds of misery, the sense of no hope and no point keep hanging around. I wish they would take off and let me have some peace for a while.

I feel like I am running out of energy to keep fighting this. But fight I must. I can't give up. That feels like an option, but I know it is not the way to go.

Next Friday I am seeing a psychologist. An appointment I made way back in November. Hope she has some ideas on how to beat this.

"Unhelpful Thoughts" just doesn't express it enough.

I doubt the moderators would publish the words I would like to use right now to express my depression!

[Guest_3712]

Hi Mrs D , TA

Ive read your posts with interest re families and wish I could be as positive and forgiving as you

This may sound strange but I believe my unhelpful thoughts here are that I will ever be able to forgive my parents

Nothing will convince me that they did the best they could or had their own crap that made them behave the way they did- to continue to delude myself any longer is surely counterproductive?

i have spent my whole life convinced it was all my fault and even now my self worth is zero a lot of the time.

in the face of repeated criticism or worse being ignored I still came back for more on the off chance there was a reason why and just maybe I would get a few crumbs of affection

I have lost all but one sib over constant stress and angst due to my ongoing depression and addictions and I can't fight anymore

So is it unhelpful to continue to hope for something that is never going to happen and be constantly disappointed?

Welcome your thoughts

Be kind to yourself

Stressless

[The_Abyss]

Stressless - it's such a shame that you have fallen victim to your family's dysfunctional attitudes.

A neighbour who shared an AA class with my adult told me a few years ago ..."your mother doesn't blame you anymore for ruining her life". Up until that moment, I hadn't realised that my mother had blamed me at all. I knew our family was dysfunctional, and my siblings and I all coped with it differently. My mother plays us all off each other, creating divisions, poisoning all the relationships. Knowing it is so doesn't make it better.

I'm sorry you feel at fault for your family. As the old adage says, you can't control what others think, you can only change your response.

TA

[Guest_3712]

Hi TA,

You have some really valid points and I appreciate you sharing your story and its obvious you get it. Unfortunately what my parents thought and did was ingrained into my psyche , so my response was accepting they were right and I was wrong. Even when I was rebellious and trying to prove them wrong, it was still playing into their hands. They still wielded the power.

I guess now I am a little less concerned about what people think about me, but I know deep down I am still that desperate little girl seeking approval and validation that will never come. I don't say these things lightly or for sympathy, but as statements of fact that have taken many years of therapy to uncover.

Understanding them and accepting them are two totally different things though.

Be kind to yourself

Stressless

[The_Abyss]

Ah Stressless, yes, I hear you. I too am that same small child seeking validation....

[Doolhof]

Hi TA,

Hopefully the child minding will work out well for you. I looked after two of my nieces while my sister was at work one day a week. I loved it.

My older sister is not that good at keeping in touch. I don't hear from her that often. If I do phone her, if she doesn't feel like talking she gets her husband to tell me she is busy and she will call back later. I don't get offended as I know that is what she is like.

For about 15 years I had a beautiful relationship with an older lady, she was like a precious friend, a guide, a Mum and a delightful Christian witness as well. Some weekends I would stay with her and her husband when I was struggling.

Unfortunately she developed cancer and was no longer with us. I treasure the memories of this lady. I've looked around in the Church for a relationship with the older women there, not much has developed yet.

Speaking of Church, I didn't make it there this morning as I just couldn't get myself out of bed. My body was in so much muscle pain it was ridiculous. I couldn't even move for a while without wanting to cry and scream out in pain.

Thankfully now I am up and moving around a bit the pain is easing off. Painkillers are helping with that as well. Our bodies are great when they are running well! Ha. Ha. I'm going to sit out in the sun later and maybe do a little light gardening slowly!

Hope you have a good day, cheers for now from Dools.

[Guest_3712]

Hi Abyss,

Yes that small child is always there isn't it? Thanks for relating.

Just read your fear for today and hope you find some peace today, go to work and have a good day. Most times the fears are in our head only as I'm sure is the case for you.

Be kind to yourself

Stressless

[The_Abyss]

Ah Stressless...'catastrophising' I think they call it! Yes, we build things up in our mind to be much bigger, much more important than the reality. The very root of anxiety!

Mrs D - the loss of that relationship is so much deeper than just the loss of a friend. It's the loss of future plans, of stability, of safety. Is her husband someone you can continue to visit, to recapture those times of security? These relationships are so difficult to "replace". They rely on you "clicking" with someone, finding that connection on a much deeper level. To rebuild the trust, the history, the safety, the friendship, the easiness of just "being". I have never had that connection, except perhaps with my husband. I envy those 15 years you had with your friend and hope you regain that beauty one day soon.

TA

[Doolhof]

Hi TA,

Thank you for your lovely message. Before my dear friend died, her husband was in aged care for a few years with dementia, each day she would go to the home and feed him one of his meals, she continued on until he could no longer eat and then passed away.

Her devotion to her husband was amazing. It came to a point where he didn't open his eyes. I have no idea what he was still able to comprehend or recognise.

So no. Both of these lovely people have now passed away. I planted a rose in the garden to remember them.

Sometimes I think I don't build on friendships deeply now due to losses and hurts in the past. It is a shame as who knows what joy I am missing out on. Maybe I need to change that!

Cheers for now, from Mrs. D.

[Guest_3712]

Hi all

Tried to challenge my unhelpful thoughts re today's psych appt . Too embarrassing, too hard, he'll think I'm an idiot- again , what if same receptionist is there, .....

No good - worked myself up do much couldn't drive even if I wanted to do took any extra shift at work

so I guess this falls in the avoidance file.- running away as usual. He may ring when I don't show up - or not

Don't know if I even care anymore I'm so miserable and may have lost the only person I can really confide in

self sabotaging as usual

sorry for the downer hope those of you going to psych appointments today hope all goes well and you get some answers

Be kind to yourself

Stressless - I'm trying

[Doolhof]

Hi Stre4ssless,

I'm really sorry you did not make it to your appointment today. Did you receive a phone call at all? I'm just wondering how that goes regarding a possible fee for not attending. The psychologists I have seen all send out a bill if I do not attend.

Will you try to reschedule? I am sure many people have cancelled at the last minute or not attended at all.

Do you feel the thought of running into the same receptionist made you not want to attend, or was the whole situation too daunting for you?

I'm seeing the psychologist on Tuesday after I walked out on her at our last appointment. It will be interesting to see what happens. I'm hoping I will have the guts to tell her how I am really feeling and not keep those troubling thoughts to myself to just build up until I erupt somewhere else!

Hope you manage to settle down and feel a bit better with in Stessless. Thinking of you,

Cheers from Mrs. D.