Challenging unhelpful thoughts

[Doolhof]

Who comes up with these terms and phrases like "Unhelpful thoughts" and "sometimes foods" . Why can't we just say it as it is!

I feel so damned depressed and down right now I don't want to be here any more. My mood is telling me that I need a truck load of Some times food...all the chocolate, mud cake, Tim Tams, Mars Bars, Bounties and Hedgehog slices I can find. That is just for today.

I'm trying to fight this depression. I really am. It has such a hold on me right now it is like wrestling a tiger.

I've just had two weeks in a local hospital where unfortunately the only thing they had to offer for mental health issues was little pills and a glass of water to calm me down, a 5 minute chat with a nurse if she had time, advise to look in a magazine, think happy thoughts, go for a walk out on the locked verandah area, have a cup of tea and see if there is something nice to watch on t.v.

All very helpful ideas if you are mildly depressed, but when you are beyond the unhelpful thoughts and feelings, it was like trying to put a cork in a volcano.

Now I am home and trying not to go crazy. I have been using the phone help lines. One lady recognises me now as soon as she answers and hears my voice!

All I want to do all day is to cry, to scream, to sleep, to take more pills to make the pain and the hours in the day disappear.

This is a horrid way to try to live.

I'm trying to get some fresh air, do a bit of gardening, eat mostly healthy food, plan something pleasant to do each day and all those good things.

This darn depression, the sadness, the dark clouds of misery, the sense of no hope and no point keep hanging around. I wish they would take off and let me have some peace for a while.

I feel like I am running out of energy to keep fighting this. But fight I must. I can't give up. That feels like an option, but I know it is not the way to go.

Next Friday I am seeing a psychologist. An appointment I made way back in November. Hope she has some ideas on how to beat this.

"Unhelpful Thoughts" just doesn't express it enough.

I doubt the moderators would publish the words I would like to use right now to express my depression!

[Guest_322]

Hi Mrs D.,

You seem very exhausted and sound so disheartened. Some days (and nights) can be difficult...

Do you want to let us in on what's been going on in your world lately? Maybe there's something that is making you feel this way. But I also understand that there isn't always a clear cut reason too...

I'm big virtual hug,

Dottie xxx

[Doolhof]

Hi Dottie,

Thanks for the big virtual hug. I really needed and appreciated that.

I'm feeling like everything is too much effort. I spend my day walking around in circles achieving very little. I just want to either stay in bed all day or run away or worse.

No real reason other than I wake up in the morning.

This new medication makes me feel less motivated and like my brain is numb and dead. I'm just really tired of feeling this way.

[Guest_322]

Hi Mrs D.,

You do sound like you're feeling very low and despondent. It's absolutely horrible to feel this way.

Your new med is clearly having some awful side effects- I was wondering if you have discussed this with your GP or psychiatrist. I'm not sure if this is part of the body's adjustment period to the meds or maybe your dr could do something about it to help you (?)

Hang in there, Mrs. D. I know you're very tired, over it and could possibly sleep for the next 7 days straight but I've faith that you can get through this. As you have in the past. Baby steps, huh?

Another big, squeezy virtual hug.

Dottie x

[Croix]

Dear Mrs Dools~

You are having a horrible time, and I feel helpless to ease things for you. Life is just not fair.

Can you use your sketch book, even a little bit - just for distraction - or worship?

Croix

[Guest_1055]

I was thinking about you Mrs D, and wondering how you are going there... Are you still feeling like you want to hide in bed or run away. Oh Mrs D, I know this feeling. One just wants to block out everything and retreat into another place. Perhaps one where there is no more sorrow, pain or fed up with life feelings. Mrs D as you have told me before that you have a belief in the living God. So I encourage you to run to Him, He is there as you have known before. He will hold you like no other can. He loves you.

Love Shell xx

[Guest_322]

Hey Mrs D.,

How are things going? I know things have been very rough.

Dottie x

[Doolhof]

It is no good.

Life is a waste of time.

We suffer in silence and no one cares.

If we call out for help we are ignored.

Support is there for a moment only.

Sinking. Sinking. Sinking.

Maybe that is best. To find the bottom and wallow in the mire.

Rest my aching soul. Find peace in nothingness.

[Guest_1055]

Oh Mrs D,

I am so sorry.

I am listening to you.... And I just want to hold you in hope it will bring some comfort to you.

You are not alone, even though it properly feels like it.

Shell xx

[Croix]

Dear Mrs D (Sounds friendlier to me than just 'Dools')

I guess at times the words of others just roll off me and do not penetrate enough to help heal or comfort - even though they are given with great care.

The I have to look inside, at me, at my memories, at what I know has meant something to me before.

I do remember, when a youth, listening to my father in the pulpit citing Isaiah 43:2. Even though very young and sheltered from the really bad things of life I found it a help with unpleasantness at school or whatever "great disaster" I happened to be facing.

What else is inside? - The knowledge I've come though umpteen times before. That later on I've found enjoyment. That I could go up to a number of people and they would say their world would be so much less without me.

Croix

[Doolhof]

Dear Croix, Shell and Dottie,

Thank you.

It seems to me this new medication is sending me nuts in a way I have never experienced before. I spoke to my Dr. about it and he wants me to persevere a bit longer.

My brain is so fuddled. I think I have done something but I haven't done it at all. In the mornings I struggle to make a cup of tea as it seems I have forgotten how to.

I tried to send some posts on here but must have pushed the wrong buttons as nothing happened. The ride on mower didn't work for me yesterday. My husband turned the key and it worked straight away. I couldn't get the t.v. to work either. I even struggled with the telephone! Today I couldn't get the washing machine to work.

I'm trying to challenge these negativities, I just don't understand what is happening to my brain right now.

For some reason this medication has caused me to experience quite severe Diurnal Mood Variation or Morning Depression. Mornings used to be my favourite time of the day.

Oh dear, I sound like a grump!

Wishing you all the best with your mental health!

Cheers from Mrs. Dools