Challenging unhelpful thoughts

[Doolhof]

Who comes up with these terms and phrases like "Unhelpful thoughts" and "sometimes foods" . Why can't we just say it as it is!

I feel so damned depressed and down right now I don't want to be here any more. My mood is telling me that I need a truck load of Some times food...all the chocolate, mud cake, Tim Tams, Mars Bars, Bounties and Hedgehog slices I can find. That is just for today.

I'm trying to fight this depression. I really am. It has such a hold on me right now it is like wrestling a tiger.

I've just had two weeks in a local hospital where unfortunately the only thing they had to offer for mental health issues was little pills and a glass of water to calm me down, a 5 minute chat with a nurse if she had time, advise to look in a magazine, think happy thoughts, go for a walk out on the locked verandah area, have a cup of tea and see if there is something nice to watch on t.v.

All very helpful ideas if you are mildly depressed, but when you are beyond the unhelpful thoughts and feelings, it was like trying to put a cork in a volcano.

Now I am home and trying not to go crazy. I have been using the phone help lines. One lady recognises me now as soon as she answers and hears my voice!

All I want to do all day is to cry, to scream, to sleep, to take more pills to make the pain and the hours in the day disappear.

This is a horrid way to try to live.

I'm trying to get some fresh air, do a bit of gardening, eat mostly healthy food, plan something pleasant to do each day and all those good things.

This darn depression, the sadness, the dark clouds of misery, the sense of no hope and no point keep hanging around. I wish they would take off and let me have some peace for a while.

I feel like I am running out of energy to keep fighting this. But fight I must. I can't give up. That feels like an option, but I know it is not the way to go.

Next Friday I am seeing a psychologist. An appointment I made way back in November. Hope she has some ideas on how to beat this.

"Unhelpful Thoughts" just doesn't express it enough.

I doubt the moderators would publish the words I would like to use right now to express my depression!

[Doolhof]

Hi Shell,

Thanks for your response. My day ended up a lot better than it started, so I am pleased with that. Yes, it has been a while since I last posted, had a little trouble cutting through the fog! Ha. Ha.

I would have to look up the Lamentations reading again myself, seems things go in one part of my brain and disappear somewhere. In some ways that is great I can read a book a year after I have read it the first time and it is like a new book all over again! Same with movies.

Recently my sciatica had been playing up in both legs so I was not too happy about that. Thankfully that has eased off a little. It is a little hard to walk with all that pain happening.

Yesterday I found a beautiful green and yellow budgie in the garden. I have put it in the old canary cage. I let the local post office people know as someone may tell them they have lost a budgie, plus we put a message on the town's Facebook site. Hopefully we can reunite the bird with its owners.

Hope you have a better day tomorrow Shell!

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

This morning my depressive thoughts tried to invade my mind. I started to think about things I would like to do today. There are a few things I could do in the garden, so I will achieve all I am able to do today, and leave the rest for another day.

My husband is feeling really quite depressed at present, so I will do what I can to give him a boost when he gets home from work. We will go for a walk together later, I have told him it is okay if he wears his ear phones as the dogs barking in the area are really getting on his nerves. I will be happy to just walk together even if we don't communicate with each other.

I will sit and read in my shanty for a while as well and do some craft or draw pictures.

This morning I have responded to a few posts. This world of ours is full of so many tormented souls. Once again I am so thankful I am a part of this community that cares for each other in a very special way.

Cheers to you all from Mrs. Dools

[james1]

Hey Mrs Dools,

Thank you and all I wanted to reply back to say, is this is a wonderful quote from you:

"There are a few things I could do in the garden, so I will achieve all I am able to do today, and leave the rest for another day."

James

[Doolhof]

Hi James,

Thanks. In my mind I had planned the things I hoped to achieve in the garden today. My back had other ideas after a short period of time, so I changed my plans again and trimmed some trees and bushes while I was standing.

The bending and kneeling work can wait. I have learnt that I need to be flexible in what I do in most areas of life. Makes it a whole lot easier to deal with stuff!

Cheers to you from Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

Yesterday I set the day aside to be one of body, mind and spiritual healing. A friend had told me about a retreat she had been on so I wanted to try to replicate that at home.

I gathered all I wanted and headed out into my sitting area in the garden. I had my Bible with me a note book and a book on dealing with depression. I read, prayed and had meditative walks in the garden.

Today I feel greatly refreshed.

[Guest_1055]

Good Morning Mrs D,

Your words prompted me to search for the words refresh in the bible. Because I long to be like that tree that is planted by the living water and does not wither.

Anyway this is one of the verses I found:

"I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint."Jeremiah 31:25

and "The Lord is my Shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lay down in green pastures. He leads me beside quite waters, He refreshers my soul. He guides me along the right path for His name sake.".... Psalm 23:1-3

I am so thankful that you are feeling refreshed Mrs D. And thankyou too for writing what you did for you encouraged me as well.

Shell xx

[Croix]

Dear Mrs Dools~

Having that day of retreat must have been a real boon, I'm so happy for you.

I did not realize you drew, nature or other things?

Croix

[Doolhof]

Hi Croix,

My drawings are very random, depends on the mood and the setting. Some are abstract and have no meaning, just what appears on the paper. I do like to draw many different things from flowers to buildings. Now our weather is a bit cooler I am wanting to get out and about and do some sketching. Trees seem to interest me at present.

I also like getting my paints out, water, acrylic or oils. My paintings are quite amateurish and that is okay, I enjoy the process. A friend of mine paints beautifully, her paintings could go in an art gallery. A bit like singing, I enjoy it but I can't hold a note and that is okay too.

I can make the most of what I have and enjoy the beauty others can create.

Cheers from Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

Good morning to you Shell,

Thanks for sharing the scripture verses with me. I had a quick look in my concordance in my Bible and found two references to trees by streams, one is Psalm 1:3 and the other is Jeremiah 17:8.

You might also like to look up Peace and Prayer in the concordance. The Bible tells us many times that Jesus went off somewhere quite to pray, usually at the top of a hill or mountain.

Saturday morning I may head out into the garden again for a time of peace and quiet with God. I might even take my sketch book and draw some of the mazing nature we have in the garden. Now that is a plan.

Wishing you all a peaceful day, cheers from Dools

[Doolhof]

Having trouble fighting those unhelpful thoughts.

Part of me feels like it is time to give up.

Struggling to put one foot in front of the other.