Challenging unhelpful thoughts

Doolhof · ‎18-02-2017

Who comes up with these terms and phrases like "Unhelpful thoughts" and "sometimes foods" . Why can't we just say it as it is!

I feel so damned depressed and down right now I don't want to be here any more. My mood is telling me that I need a truck load of Some times food...all the chocolate, mud cake, Tim Tams, Mars Bars, Bounties and Hedgehog slices I can find. That is just for today.

I'm trying to fight this depression. I really am. It has such a hold on me right now it is like wrestling a tiger.

I've just had two weeks in a local hospital where unfortunately the only thing they had to offer for mental health issues was little pills and a glass of water to calm me down, a 5 minute chat with a nurse if she had time, advise to look in a magazine, think happy thoughts, go for a walk out on the locked verandah area, have a cup of tea and see if there is something nice to watch on t.v.

All very helpful ideas if you are mildly depressed, but when you are beyond the unhelpful thoughts and feelings, it was like trying to put a cork in a volcano.

Now I am home and trying not to go crazy. I have been using the phone help lines. One lady recognises me now as soon as she answers and hears my voice!

All I want to do all day is to cry, to scream, to sleep, to take more pills to make the pain and the hours in the day disappear.

This is a horrid way to try to live.

I'm trying to get some fresh air, do a bit of gardening, eat mostly healthy food, plan something pleasant to do each day and all those good things.

This darn depression, the sadness, the dark clouds of misery, the sense of no hope and no point keep hanging around. I wish they would take off and let me have some peace for a while.

I feel like I am running out of energy to keep fighting this. But fight I must. I can't give up. That feels like an option, but I know it is not the way to go.

Next Friday I am seeing a psychologist. An appointment I made way back in November. Hope she has some ideas on how to beat this.

"Unhelpful Thoughts" just doesn't express it enough.

I doubt the moderators would publish the words I would like to use right now to express my depression!

geoff · ‎19-02-2017

dear Mrs Doolhof, I wish I could offer you the magic cure, but even if there was one, it may not suit you, because everyone is different and they have their own thoughts which are paralysing only them and that's the annoying part to depression.
There maybe movies we can provide which will make you smile and laugh, that would be really good, but deep down it won't stop all those awful feelings and thoughts that continually torment and harass you.
You can't blame yourself for feeling the way you do, because what depression does is that it knows everything about everybody so it can pinpoint any specific detail just to mess with your brain, so it lingers around until you are strong enough to stomp it out of your life, but until that happens it's outside of your control, but you aren't alone, because the list of people responding has been enormous, because we love you, as an attachment develops between all of us.
You have to take it day by day and remember that although you are struggling like hell, you have so many people who would do anything they could to help you get over this hump, but please don't punish yourself, because if you do then you will only feel worse,and remember when you see the psychologist you may forget something, so do as we have often say to many other people to write down all your thoughts, even though it's going to be painful, I think it needs to be done. Love Geoff. xx

Doolhof · ‎19-02-2017

I understand where you are all coming from.

I am just so exhausted, confused, tormented and struggling.

I know I need help. I don't feel like there was any in the hospital apart from medication, food and a bed.

Gotta go. Crying too much I can't hardly see the key board.

Guest_1055 · ‎19-02-2017

Dear Mrs D,

Your crying has been heard by me. And I just want to put my arms around you.

Here is a gentle song that I hope will reach into your very soul.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=SqBMNSuDf7g

If you would like to listen to it, I am pretty sure you just highlight the above link, then copy and paste it into your internet browser.

It is called: The hurt and the Healer, by Mercy Me.

Just know I am thinking of you, and you are not alone even though it may feel like it.

Shell xx

gld · ‎19-02-2017

Hi Doolhof,

You mention watching a movie/clips with a funny side to have a laugh. Three australian movies that come to mind, The Castle, The Man Who Sued God and Kenny and an New Zealand one, Hunt For The Wilderpeople. I am not known for my humour but these have made me chuckle as well as shed a tear.

Good clips i enjoy seem to be, Monty Python or pommy comedy and it never seems to miss is Tim Minchin.

Holding on to hope there is something here to give you a giggle.

Gen [Hugs]

I feel concerned for you if you struggle too long with these emotions as there are supports out there to connect with as you need. 24/7 ph 1300 22 4636

Guest_322 · ‎19-02-2017

Hi Mrs D.,

Saying hi, offering a hug and as for funny suggestions, I'm personally a huge fan of SNL (Saturday Night Live) , which you can find on YouTube. They do sketches on a whole range of things including politics, tv shows, social commentary, etc.

On a more serious note, I realise you're hurting immensely. I honestly can't offer very much but some (more) virtual hugs and to say hang in there.

Dottie x

topsy_ · ‎19-02-2017

Hi Mrs D

I can't add anything to all the advice above but I can add my love & best wishes. You've given so much to people on BB. Now we are all behind you.

Just take care not to hang on too long before getting help, even if it's not exactly the help you'd like. I remember a time I felt like crossed a "trip wire" after which all rational thought was gone. In the long run, it's much better to ask for help before you get to the wire..

Youre in my thoughts & prayers, Lyn.

Elizabeth CP · ‎19-02-2017

Sorry I didn't reply earlier. I read your initial post yesterday but was too tired to reply but kept thinking of you and wanting to help. You mentioned wanting to eat tons of tim tams etc. I can relate to that but also know first hand how bad that feels after. Feeling physically sick on top of feeling even more out of control is not worth it. One thing I found helped me was eating some nice fruit & yogurt & I would make myself cocoa with skim milk & artificial sweetener. Savouring the sweet delicious tastes helped dull the cravings for junk & left me feeling better physically & mentally. Choose whatever you think will taste good to you without being relatively healthy.

I know you mentioned wanting to get back to exercise slowly. That is a great idea. It is important to set really small achievable goals for each day & slowly build up. If you had just come out of hospital following heart surgery you would need to take things easy slowly increasing the amount of physical activity. Doing too much would risk causing further problems. The same principle applies to you. You have returned home to recover from your illness. Don't compare what you are doing now to before because that is unfair. When I was struggling to recover from an ankle injury I started walking VERY short distances I knew I could manage easily. & increased it each day. Succeeding really helped me feel motivated so it helped me physically & mentally whereas before I'd tried to do more but failed leaving me feeling really down.

I wish I could give you a great suggestion to take away the pain you are going through but I can't but I want you to know that I care. I hope these suggestions I've made can help a little. You seem to enjoy gardening usually. Perhaps you can try starting with 5 minutes working on one little task and then take a break while reminding yourself that you did something good.

I hope you start to feel better soon

MisterM · ‎19-02-2017

Hey Doolhof,

Not sure what to say but I wish you all the best and hope this passes soon for you.
Hang in there please.

MM.

Doolhof · ‎20-02-2017

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for all of your messages. They have helped me immensely. Your kind words and encouragement have made me realise that that even though I am going through this really horrid time there is still hope when to me I felt like there was none.

My Dr. has put me on a new anti depressant, I realise it will take a while to kick in and will have no idea how effective it will be just yet. He also gave me some anti psychotics that send me to sleep for hours or turn me into a zombie where I just sit on the lounge and drool! Well maybe not drool, I do have tissues.

I was also given a box of pills called "Mother's little helper" in the 60s and 70s. Yesterday I took a couple of those, one in the morning and one in the afternoon. They certainly took the edge off my pain. I need to tell myself these pills are okay for now, they must be as that is what they were giving me in hospital and my Dr. gave me a script for them.

Thanks for the suggestions of the comical relief. I will check some of them out. I do like The Castle and watched the Kiwi movie that was mentioned recently.

The garden does seem to be my "safe" place and is calming except for when the neighbours dog barks for hours on end. The poor thing is bored and has little room to run around. We have offered to take their dog for a walk and let it in our garden while I am out there, but they declined.

Thanks to Mother's Little Helpers, I am a lot calmer. The tears are still there just not as distressful.

I appreciate all the words of kindness and the hugs, means so much to me.

I have been using the phone help lines as well. I have a list of numbers near the house phone. Mobile phones don't work in our area!

Today is going to be a better day! Yesterday was a lot better than Saturday! That is a bonus.

Huge hugs of thanks to you all, from Mrs. Dools

Guest_322 · ‎20-02-2017

Hi Mrs D.,

I'm relieved to hear you sounding more settled and less distraught.

You sound like you're making the most of the resources and assistance available to you.

I'm glad things started looking up on Sunday- may that continue today. Maybe spend some more time in your "safe place" (your garden) as you clearly benefit from being there.

Dottie x