Battling the booze

Kazzl · ‎08-02-2016

When the black dog bites, many of us reach for a drink. It can ease the pain, help us relax, block out what's going on in our minds. If it's just the odd drink now and then, even one or two a night, there's no harm and maybe even welcome relief. But for some of us, many in fact, literally drowning our sorrows becomes a problem in itself. We drink more and more until the booze takes over, and drinking becomes all we want to do.

That was me for a long time until I finally realised the combination of booze and depression would kill me. If I wanted to live, if I wanted to be able to manage my depression, I had to get sober. I did, nearly five years ago, and it's the hardest thing I've ever done.

If booze is controlling you and you're not controlling it, this thread is for you. If you want to regain control - get sober or moderate your drinking (which for many is harder than quitting) or if you're worried you are drinking too much, join us here.

On this thread I'll talk about my battle with the booze and offer advice and support to anyone who is struggling. I welcome anyone who's been there or is worried they are going there, to join in. And I hope others now living sober will come here to help our friends who are struggling.

One thing this thread is not is a place to discuss how much a drink or two helps you. It's not an anti-alcohol thread, but it's not a general discussion about alcohol either. It's for people who are genuinely worried about it or who want to control it, and it's a place of celebration (without judgment about drinkers) for those of us who are now living sober.

I hope anyone who's battling the booze will join us.

Cheers 😀

Kaz

Kazzl · ‎25-11-2016

Hey lovely lady, how good to see you!

Congrats on the six months sober hun, that is a wonderful achievement. And I'm so pleased the treatment went well, and that you have a supportive friend helping you on the journey.

I know what you mean about words hurting. Every drinker has their own view on whether they are or are not an alcoholic and what that word means to them. I call myself a non-practising alcoholic. I find it useful as a reminder that, for me, I'm only one drink away from losing it all again.

However, I also think that saying 'permanent' or 'forever' is almost setting ourselves up to fail. Forever is too far away. There's a very good reason AA and others promote the 'one day at a time' approach. It makes it more achievable. Sobriety becomes a series of small victories, day after day. And if we slip, we have only slipped for a day, we haven't thrown away weeks or months.

Anyways, just some thoughts. It is never-ending, but it does get easier. I'm always here if you want to chat about it hun or need some support. So good to see you again.

Kaz

xx

pipsy · ‎25-11-2016

Hi Kazzl. Thanks for your warm welcome back and words of support. I considered AA, but because of the religious part I decided against. I try to follow the 'one day at a time' programme, and the knowledge of how I hurt my kids gives me the inclination as well to remain 'dry'. My special close friend (who has become my lifeline), and the fact that I have a job which includes driving the elderly to appointments and shopping means drinking cannot be part of my life. I also did a stint on jury service this year, and I met a chap who was also recovering from alcoholism. This chap gave me a graphic detailed account of an accident which nearly claimed his child. He showed me a photo of what had been his car. He gave me some pointers on sobriety which has also helped. As I mentioned earlier, each 'dry' day is another victory and I know my special friend will be there always. Knowing I have friends who understand, such as you and my special friend does make it easier. Thanks again, Kazzl. It's good to be back on BB.

Lynda xxxx

geoff · ‎26-11-2016

dear Pipsy, I must congratulate you for the effort you have put into giving up the grog, it's never easy and what one person says to you about giving up the alcohol may not apply to how you feel or perhaps you can't relate to how they were able to stop themselves.
How can someone say to you that it's not a good idea to continue drinking, unless you have total trust and love for that person, well that's what is needed otherwise it's just another person who only seems to be nagging to you about something they don't understand themselves.
Even though these people are worried about you and very concerned for the road you are heading down, the constant pressure they continually put on you, will only mean that you won't stop drinking, and that's why each one of us need someone outside of our family who desperately wants to help you stop.
They have to know that this person has a love for you and definitely wants to be there all the way to help and discuss this issue of alcohol, because there maybe a time when you do relapse but know that this person is there waiting to pick up once again and get you back onto your feet.
Of course we hope that this doesn't happen, but for you it's such a wonderful effort and to achieve this is what you have to be so proud of. Geoff. xx

pipsy · ‎26-11-2016

Hi Geoff, and thank you for the kind words. I understand the person in my life cares and loves me and is there for me whenever. There is really only one person who can stop drinking and that is the person who drinks. Others can and do offer support, however a recovering alcoholic is usually better as they understand the emotional tug-of-war that is constantly there. This special person I have in my life is a recovering alcoholic himself so he is completely aware of where I am in this battle. There has been times when this person has been brutal with me, I hated it, but needed it as it was done as and when necessary in my recovery. The brutality has been done out of love and respect and this goes further to help. I suggest AA to this person, he said that was a personal choice as it doesn't always help. I vetoed it myself due to the religious overtones. My goals in life now consist of facing my friend who I love dearly and telling him I am 'dry' and have been for x amount of time. Continuing my job, having the strength to lead others as I have been led. Proving to me and my lifeline that 'anything he can do, I can too' is proving to be interesting. I know he gets a kick out of everything. He is truly amazing, but I will knock his socks off when we meet again.

Miko123 · ‎01-12-2016

Hi all,

ive been reading this thread for a few days. I am also struggling with diagnosed depression/anxiety and I have definitely been using alcohol to combat it. Since my diagnosis and medication prescription 2.5 months ago I feel like things have worsened. This is partly due to me starting to try to deal with psychological issues that have caused the depression and partly due to the fact that I continue to drink (not daily, but easily1bottle of wine every 4-5 days). I will abstain and then I'll drink a bottle. I shouldn't do this in meds. Unfortunately it calms the anxiety that builds over 3-4 days. It is so nuts to suddenly feel so trapped. I joined this group for asvice and support as the religious bits of aa (despite,or maybe because of, being raised catholic) turn me off. I'm a reasonably normal person, married, 2 kids, a writer and teacher, a published author, an ongoing student if Mandarin Chinese ... but struggling and needing help from those who have been here. Thanks.

pipsy · ‎01-12-2016

Hi Miko. Welcome to the ongoing 'battle of the booze' thread. Battling depression is hard enough, but when you're also battling staying 'dry' suddenly it's whole new ball game. I never mixed alcohol and AD's, never felt that brave (for lack of another word). I did find drink numbed the depression, however sobering up next day brought it back, with a vengeance. Each time I drank to numb the pain, the depression really had a field day, as drink increases the depression. Yes, the pain eases, but the depression itself doesn't. I used every argument in the book to excuse the drink problem I had. My special friend was the only one who 'saw through' my excuses and he was the only one who could blast me as he had been where I was therefore he totally understood my arguments. Alcoholism is a vicious, cruel merry-go-round of emotions, and the only person who can stop the cycle is the alcoholic. Accepting you have the illness is half the battle, finding ways to stop the drink is the other half. AA for me was a no-no for the same reasons you have stated. It was incredibly hard at the start of my (now sobriety), but by marking each day as a 'victory' six 'dry' months has seen changes to my life. The first 6 months dry was for me the hardest, it's easier the longer I remain dry. I can now refuse a drink as slipping is not an option. There are no easy 'one answer fits all' for this, only you can stop. Your wife and kids love you, you love them, however till you can find ways to overcome the need for alcohol the battle will continue. I'm sorry if my words hurt, but sometimes being harsh works better than walking round the garden. The man in my life never gave up, but there were times he hurt. He had to, to 'wake me up'. Believe me I know where you are, so does everybody on this thread. We do understand but as I said, till you make the conscious decision to stop, you won't. Keep posting here as it helps knowing others are battling like you. You are not alone in this, Kazzl, myself and Geoff are all here to assist and guide you.

Lynda

Miko123 · ‎02-12-2016

Hi Pipsy,

thank you for the reply. You are quite right, not harsh at all. The truth does hurt, sure, but that's ok, it's the truth. It is good to be able to share with people who understand. I will continue to check in here for sure, as the support is very important. Thank you.

geoff · ‎02-12-2016

hi Miko, firstly can I say that Lynda had a long journey before she could even think about overcoming her alcohol, but she has done it which I have always congratulated her, and now she has found her two feet, got a job she loves and has shown how knowledgeable she is, because before the alcohol stopped all of this.
So many times people self medicate their depression by drinking alcohol and it doesn't matter whether you abstain for a day and then get back into it, because what it means is that you're still addicted to it, you need it to numb what you are going through, and I was no different as I drank everyday, and because of this plus having depression my wife divorced me.
There were many times I did abstain by going cold turkey and this could be for a couple of months, but then it started all again.
Going to AA wasn't what I wanted because the same folk were there every meeting and always stood up and told the same old story, so there wasn't any inspiration nor real encouragement but was told I had to go because I lost my licence.
When we think about drinking, sure it may disappear when we're intoxicated, but the problems are still with us as soon as we wake up, so the merry go round begins once again for another day, until you are criticised for having to drink everyday by your wife and/or kids which will then cause more problems added on to what your depression is already doing.
What we think is that it improves our ability to do the work we are already doing, which makes us feel as though we could conquer the world, but that's a deception, because the next day you may read over what you have written and think 'did I say that' and then delete everything you said.
I'm pleased you have this post because we're here to help you. Geoff.

Miko123 · ‎02-12-2016

Thanks Geoff,

you're spot on also. It just helps to receive advice from people who've been through it rather than those who don't fully understand what it's like. I will keep checking in, especially if I start to feel the pressure building up. I find exercise a good distraction, and I've read about other distraction techniques but I guess it's mostly about pushing through that need to silence my brain. Maybe it's about riding out the feeling of stress... do you find sugar helps? By the way, my name might be a little deceiving, I'm female. Thanks again. 🙂

pipsy · ‎02-12-2016

Hi Miko. My apologies for the misunderstanding of your name. When you mention sugar as a deterrent, that's actually another no-no for me, I have type 2 diabetes. I would maybe seek a medical opinion about sugar helping with alcohol addiction. It's rather like giving up smoking, some people chew gum, others eat anything and everything. As Geoff also pointed out there are people who mean well and who will try to 'talk' you out of drinking, but alcoholics need more than someone who has no idea, telling you why drink is bad. Coping strategies are necessary for when the addiction seems to take over. One thing I found, the man in my life was great when I needed a distraction. Not necessarily actually contacting him, but knowing I had to tell him I'd slipped, the knowledge I'd let him down, let me down, let my kids down. When you have support from someone who has experienced what you're feeling, that's when you have the coping strategies. My man would tell me how disappointed he was. That in turn would disappoint me, I hated the knowledge I'd let him down and disappointed him.

Lynda