Battling the booze

[Kazzl]

When the black dog bites, many of us reach for a drink. It can ease the pain, help us relax, block out what's going on in our minds. If it's just the odd drink now and then, even one or two a night, there's no harm and maybe even welcome relief. But for some of us, many in fact, literally drowning our sorrows becomes a problem in itself. We drink more and more until the booze takes over, and drinking becomes all we want to do. 

That was me for a long time until I finally realised the combination of booze and depression would kill me. If I wanted to live, if I wanted to be able to manage my depression, I had to get sober. I did, nearly five years ago, and it's the hardest thing I've ever done.

If booze is controlling you and you're not controlling it, this thread is for you. If you want to regain control - get sober or moderate your drinking (which for many is harder than quitting) or if you're worried you are drinking too much, join us here.

On this thread I'll talk about my battle with the booze and offer advice and support to anyone who is struggling. I welcome anyone who's been there or is worried they are going there, to join in. And I hope others now living sober will come here to help our friends who are struggling.

One thing this thread is not is a place to discuss how much a drink or two helps you. It's not an anti-alcohol thread, but it's not a general discussion about alcohol either. It's for people who are genuinely worried about it or who want to control it, and it's a place of celebration (without judgment about drinkers) for those of us who are now living sober.

I hope anyone who's battling the booze will join us.

Cheers 😀

Kaz 

[geoff]

dear Moonstruck and Healer girl, there is no easy way to give up the alcohol, everybody is different, and some people are able to stop 'cold-turkey'whether it's for a rest or for good, that's a decision which we all have to make, but if you want to give it a rest then you're on your way to stop for good.
Everybody has their own way which could help others while at different times they have to find the best option that suits them, but never the less there are times when all you want to do is pick a bottle and scull it until all of this pain has gone, however it never goes away because the next morning you are back to square one, and then have to face it all again.
Both Kaz and myself have struggled no different than what you are going through, and when you say you are not coping then that's all you need to say because just those words pull me back into what I went through, and I can't answer this for Kaz because that would not be appropriate.
OK it's good to talk to your psych about your alcohol problems, but you can't stay with them all day and eventually have to leave and this is where all that pressure is put back onto you, can I just have one sip, nobody will find out and then I will feel better, maybe, but that one drink leads onto another and then another, so all your hard work has ended, and back to where you were before.
For all of us to achieve anything in life we have a starting point, you can't start painting your house and then stop, just as when you start to not drink, can you then go back to what sort of situation you were in before.
If you drink then you are unable to solve any problems, because medically your mind is in another state of mind. Geoff. x

[Kazzl]

So true Geoff - for me one's too many and ten's not enough.

Kaz

xxx

[Moonstruck]

Hi Kaz

I guess as drinkers, we are all different and unique in our method of dependence on the stuff (or former dependence). You see I was never a "one is too many, 10 not enough" drinker...didn't go on till I passed out or became incoherent or anything - doesn't make it less of a problem I realise.

I am going through such stress and indecision about my part time casual job..I don't want to do any more..I want to tell the elderly business owner (I am the only employee he has left by the way..me and an accounts person). he is leaning on me more and more to help him out with suggestions, fix up his errors, remind him of things.....been with him many years and feel it will not go down well at all..but I am getting of "a certain age" myself, I don't have any interest in the work any more, and it's adding to my anxiety levels like you wouldn't believe!

I need a drink, and want one so badly...just to "take the edge off" the anxiety, the indecision, not wanting to let an elderly man down (his business would fold if I left him, a big load for me to carry). Oh God, this is why I drank...dear good friends on this thread...I know you understand, I am just hanging out for one!!

(sorry for the over-venting...couldn't help it!)

[Rhes]

Hi Moon, I hope you're ok. Haven't been posting but have read of your struggles. I guess I'm still in the 'honeymoon' phase of giving up booze, finding myself etc and haven't had any big crisises (is that the word?) to face yet. Still, I know they're gonna come coz that's life.

Yesterday someone nailed a 'proposal to develop' on our front gate. No one told us and it's very sad because this house has been my first sober sanctuary (I quit when we moved in coz I knew the change of scene would help). I'm amazed at how philosophical I am about it though, and so damn glad I'm not boozing to try and 'solve' the moving problem, when or if it comes to that. I've been doing heaps of meditation which is very helpful (the binaural beats that Kaz mentioned, chuck on some headphones and check out of reality in a healthy way 🙂

I do hope things are getting better for you and thinking of you! Hi to Kaz, Geoff and everyone else too 😊

[Moonstruck]

Thanks Rhes......I've been getting stuck into the non-alcoholic beer a bit today....and doing a bit of de-cluttering of old documents etc...supposed to be good for you to clear out junk from your house.

Came across some notes on cognitive therapy...challenging thoughts, changing your thinking etc that a psych gave me back nearly 20 years ago!! (the date of my next appt was written on them)...so that's how long I've been dealing with this bloody anxiety.

I remember telling her it's like a barometer, a temperature gauge...with each drink it was like "seeing, watching" the anxiety levels drop...such relief! (the non alcoholic stuff doesn't seem to have the same effect - funny that!!) On the other hand, neither will it destroy my liver like the other stuff had begun to - badly actually!

I read these old notes...they were actually pretty good. I will certainly hang onto them. I am glad you mentioned headphones while listening to meditation CDs. When I play mine, the voice tells me it's better with headphones on, but I don't have any at the moment. From what you said, it seems to be a good idea for me to get some...perhaps I am missing out on the best part of the tapes. Will they plug into any old standard CD player?

Good luck with the possible property move - it does seem a rotten blow to have happen when you've come so far. Have a good night Rhes........Moon S.

[geoff]

hello Moon, it's a real struggle for to be 'battling the booze', your temptation is becoming very hard and very difficult but you're hanging on, it's hard to be at this stage, but what would happen if you decided to have a drink just to end this misery, Ok better but as the time progress's and the next morning how would you feel, guilty and upset that it has once again taken control of you, or perhaps you might not care, or then feel as though you have let us down as well as yourself.
Maybe you could have a drink and see what happens, it may even convince you that you don't need it and realise that when you drink all the problems go away, which you know, but guess what, they will still be there again in the morning, so what has it achieved. Geoff.

[Rhes]

Hi Moon, hi Geoff, so true what you said, I always think of that. Moon I know what you mean about the non alcoholic beers, I get stuck into the tonic water because I used to like G&T's, it's like a placebo effect and I don't miss the gin. Yep headphones should work on any CD player as long as they're not the cordless bluetooth ones. I was using those little ones that go into your ear but they don't carry the bass like the big ones that cover your ears. It's interesting stuff, I'm glad I found it 🙂

Thanks, I think the house situation will be ok. Seems I haven't lost my capacity for anxiety about things, it's good to have an understanding place to share it 🙂

Wishing you well xx

[Moonstruck]

Guess what I bought today Rhes......earphones! thought they'd be better than the "big headphones" as I always fall asleep while listening to my tapes? I will let you know how they go.

I am a tonic water fan too...it's good stuff! Edenvale champagne works too, (alcohol removed) if you want to look as if you're joining in celebrations, drinking a toast etc....

[Rhes]

Haha that's awesome, I'll try it 🙂 hope the headphones are a goer!

[pipsy]

Hi Kazzl. I too am an alcoholic. My drinking was mainly through drink being so readily available as I was growing up. My father was a chronic alcoholic and would start drinking early afternoon, till bed time. I made some half-hearted attempts to stop, but it was difficult as alcoholism was not recognized as that. My mother made excuses for my dad and we were encouraged to drink. I married young, my marriage failed. I managed to regain custody of my kids and entered into a toxic, violent relationship where drink was again constantly available. My ex passed away under very sad circumstances, I drank then to numb and forget. It's only through a severe health scare earlier this year, I was forced to stop drinking. I was diagnosed with a breast cancerous tissue in my right breast. The cancer tissue was removed, I then had 5 weeks of radium treatment. I was told if I drank the treatment would be stopped. Through a wonderful, personal friend I was helped all the way with understanding and kindness. I did experience one 'fall' some time ago, but realized I had too much to lose to continue on the downward, destructive spiral. It's been 6 months and the urge is there, but not as strong. My friend is still very much part of my life and his continuing support is necessary in this never-ending battle. My personal promise to him is to one day look at him and say I'm 'dry', permanently. He actually made the comment one day, that 'once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic'. The words hurt, cut deep, the meaning is clear. Each 'dry' day is another victory.

Lynda