Battling the booze

[Kazzl]

When the black dog bites, many of us reach for a drink. It can ease the pain, help us relax, block out what's going on in our minds. If it's just the odd drink now and then, even one or two a night, there's no harm and maybe even welcome relief. But for some of us, many in fact, literally drowning our sorrows becomes a problem in itself. We drink more and more until the booze takes over, and drinking becomes all we want to do. 

That was me for a long time until I finally realised the combination of booze and depression would kill me. If I wanted to live, if I wanted to be able to manage my depression, I had to get sober. I did, nearly five years ago, and it's the hardest thing I've ever done.

If booze is controlling you and you're not controlling it, this thread is for you. If you want to regain control - get sober or moderate your drinking (which for many is harder than quitting) or if you're worried you are drinking too much, join us here.

On this thread I'll talk about my battle with the booze and offer advice and support to anyone who is struggling. I welcome anyone who's been there or is worried they are going there, to join in. And I hope others now living sober will come here to help our friends who are struggling.

One thing this thread is not is a place to discuss how much a drink or two helps you. It's not an anti-alcohol thread, but it's not a general discussion about alcohol either. It's for people who are genuinely worried about it or who want to control it, and it's a place of celebration (without judgment about drinkers) for those of us who are now living sober.

I hope anyone who's battling the booze will join us.

Cheers 😀

Kaz 

[Mozartscape]

Hello everyone

I came across your forum just this morning after searching online for help. My mother died in July this year and I have been descending into a deep depression ever since. I was very close to her and now she is gone. To numb the pain and feeling of isolation I drink. I downed two and half bottles of wine last night. I couldn't get home from work fast enough to get that bottle open. I passed out on the couch like I do most nights lately. Reading some of your posts has given me - what? - hope? Is that the right word? I'm not sure. It has just given me a feeling that I am not the only one who is suffering like this and that others have also gone/going through similar things. For the first time in months I feel like my eyes have opened and I'm seeing things again. I actually cleaned the house for the first time in months and I used to be so house proud. I just haven't cared about anything, including myself. I will hopefully stay in touch with your forum and share my experiences. Maybe I can offer someone some hope for a better future.

[Kazzl]

Hello Mozartscape, welcome to the forum. I am so sorry to hear about your mum. I lost mine many years ago but remember the pain and sadness so clearly. Time does heal, as they say, but you never forget. I hope you get to a point soon where you can focus on the good times with her and your sadness can transform into sweet memories.

I am very pleased you've joined us. Well done for recognising you have a problem developing and deciding to take action. You can and will get control back. And we're here to help. You are by no means alone in this.

I'm glad the forum has given you some hope, and thank you very much for saying so. Please do stay with us and keep posting, I'd really like to get to know you. Talk about anything you want, whether it's grief, drinking, depression or anything. And we also have a Social Zone if you just want some company - check out the BB Cafe.

Very best to you Mozartscape - hope to talk again soon.

Kaz

[Kazzl]

Moon my lovely, a big hug to you. I'm sorry you're in such a black place, and sorry I wasn't here when you posted. How are you today?

Sweetheart, you know that bottle is just taunting you. It won't help you. It won't. It's just sitting there calling out to you, testing your mettle and playing tricks with your mind.

Get rid of it. Tip it out. Not down your gob, down the sink. Then it's gone. I know that seems a terrible waste to us, but once it's gone, it's gone. I tipped out a full bottle of Cointreau (my favourite) when I decided I had to stop. Just about broke my drinker's heart haha. But once it was gone it never bothered me again.

Don't add to your reasons for despair hun. Come back for a chat if you want.

Kaz

xx

[geoff]

hi Moon, all our casks or bottles we have tucked away, hidden where nobody can see them nor know that they are there, a drinkers dream isn't it, knowing that when we want to drink, off we go to our hiding spot and scull as much as we can before anybody notices where we have gone, until eventually the grog takes control of us and it shows that we have had a drink, so people ask us 'where do you hide it', or 'where is it', and as much as you confess that you haven't had a drink, the secret is out because they can tell from the way we behave and smell of alcohol even though we try and eat as many lollies as we can hoping that it will disguise the smell of grog, but it's a dead giveaway, so all the turmoil once again begins and back to square one.
You promise that it won't happen again, but your trust has been lost, so they don't believe you.
Yes just one drink would make you feel better only until the effect wears off, but there is nothing left in the bottle any more so then what can you do, run out to buy another bottle or sit down and have a think that there will more problems that will arise now and in the future, so do I want to always have alcohol around to numb that feeling of being sad or can I reach out to people who are able to support me so that you won't drink.
What happened to you was last night so I don't know whether or not you succumbed back to the Baileys, if you did then please don't worry, it's one step forward and you may fall back two steps, that's always how it is when trying to overcome an addiction, we know that this may happen, but you can't be upset by doing so, because as soon as you do, then we have to get you back to where you were, in other words overcome these 2 backward steps and bring you back to where you have been. Geoff. x

[Moonstruck]

No I didn't succumb Geoff. I'd ruin my "three and a half years without a drink" record wouldn't I?....LOL.....

[Kazzl]

Onya Moon. 👍

xx

[geoff]

hi Moon, well done under the pressure you were. Geoff. x

[anonymous175]

Here, here to banishing booze... Booze is no friend of my. I departed with it some 21 months ago. It was the best thing I have done to regain my mental health. I encourage anyone that struggles with booze to embrace sobriety.

[Kazzl]

Welcome Contradiction! Well said - and a big congratulations on 21 months sober, that's fabulous. If you want to share more about your path to sobriety and how you have maintained it, please feel free (though no pressure to do so). This thread is all about helping and supporting people trying to kick the booze and any advice we sober folks can give is very vert welcome.

Well done you - and lovely to meet you. 👍

Kaz

[Moonstruck]

I sound like I am drowning in self-pity and that is so unattractive, I realise that. I apologise, I am sorry but where else can I vent? I have never been this low in spirits over the years without being able to have a drink to make it better.......I know I have been dreadfully depressed in the past, but always had my "medication"...my few drinks and I could almost "see" the anxiety and depression fading away bit by bit, like watching a temperature gauge..the alcohol worked!! It made me feel better...now I have to live through this and just cry constantly. This weekend being a public holiday is torture for me. The past couple of days I've looked at the clock from when I get up "oh good another hour gone...only x number of hours to get through until night falls and I can look forward to my bed/cocoon and "escape" from this deep melancholy that is seeping through my veins.I spoke to my neighbour yesterday, on my way for a walk. I smiled, I joked. As I was walking, my eyes were filling with tears behind my sunglasses, it didn't matter, no-one could see, I didn't embarrass anyone or make them feel uncomfortable. I sat looking at the ocean, crying.I returned, later that evening I joked again and laughed and shared my neighbour's harmless pleasant conversation as if my life was going beautifully.....no one knows. This is new to me because it's the first time I've had to cope with it, without alcohol...I don't think I can make it.