I have been in this vicious cycle for so long now and nothing gets better. I am battle fatigued. Truely just numb. Single parent to 2 teens with mental health issues and a narcissistic ex ( kids father). I have experienced my ex attempt suicide, my youngest who was 10 yo at the time attempt suicide and my now 14yo attempt suicide 4 times. I live an emotional roller coaster that I vant keep up wth unless I self medicate. I have 2 inpatient admissions in 7 months cause I just can't see any light left. We exist not live. I am totally lost. We have support services in place but nothing changes . I don't know how other people seem to cope and I can't. I don't know what's wrong with my brain. I feel damaged and broken. I don't want pity and I know there are lots doing it harder than I am. I want to know how to survive this or is it possible t survive ths? And please don't advise me to self care. I truely have little or know time to myself to address my own needs as my chidrens needs are high plus I work to pay bills. Sorry to sound grumpy and selfish. I am just lost and feeling hopeless.
I wish you could see yourself though our eyes. Your last post:
Love, self-sacrifice, tenacity.
Such admirable qualities don't just apply to heroes when a natural disaster strikes or some other big event, they happen most often, as with you, in ordinary life.
It's a very blustery day. The kids have seperatation anxiety. I have told them when I am run down physically and emotionally I need to go to hospital or respite. All they hear is what about us. We are not leaving the house. Stuff workers coming in. It creates more anxiety for me just thinking about it. That's why I need to suck it up and keep moving. This is no room for me to fall
As you know I am hopeless with how all the so called help works,I don't want to make you cranky or sad,I'm just throwing stuff at you in case it can trigger some good,ok.
Have you asked BB what is available?
Is there any sort of home care for the kids if you went to hospital or even just time out for you?
