Anxiety issue

[BballJ]

Hi all,

I took abit of convincing myself to join the forums and write in here but just wanted some advice.

in the past two weeks, I have had anxiety spiralling out of control, I am unable to concentrate at work or at home, I continually think of the worst case scenario in anything, I wake up in the middle of the night having panic attacks (heart racing, in shaking, heavy breathing) I haven't slept more than 4 hours each night and during the day I am in a constant stressed state that by 2 pm I am tired as can be, I hate being alone, if I'm driving I feel the need to call someone just so I can get my mind off my anxiety and contanst worry feelings. I have lost my appetite, eating maybe one meal a day simply because I cannot eat. I have tried natural over the counter medicine to try and alleviate the anxiety and calm me down but they don't work.... Does this sound like GAD and should I see a doctor about medication?

thank you in advance for your replies.

Jay

[BballJ]

Hi CMF, Quercus (Nat) & randomx,

Again, thank you for your kind replies.

Nat - I agree with what you are saying about my friend, it is tough, so tough because she would be one of my best friends and to hear her say what she said, digs a little deep, she tells me she is crying because my marriage ended but when I reach out for support because I am just being honest, I am quite suicidal at the moment, as hard as it is to write and as hard as it is maybe hear, it is the facts, I would never act on it but my thoughts are just crazy at the moment. I do not see a psychologist or a psychiatrist, I need too but, I need to go back to my psychologist however with this self help seminar I am going to tomorrow evening, I will see how it unfolds as my friend who did the course has come out of it with flying colours and said she will never see her psychologist again. So I am kind of excited about it. I am going back to the gym as well because I need to start working on myself big time.

CMF - I will try to keep posting during the day but can be hard due to work but none the less at night. You do know me well and know I thrive off speaking to others, funny this is after speaking with a very good friend of mine this evening for a couple of hours on the phone, something hit me, I allow myself to adjust to what people need me to be, I drop everything for everyone, I need to make sure people are happy because if I do not, I feel they will up and leave me, which I assume is somewhat related to my mum leaving just like that. A fear of some sort of abandonment. This is just me thinking out loud but could be true. I think one thing that will make me happy is finally being somewhat happy with myself, It is all I can do. I need to get happy within myself to start living life again.

randomx - Thanks for your words, music usually saves me and it is helping a lot so I keep listening but find myself listening to sad songs which doesn't help, only brings you down further. Have started listening to motivational stuff as well. I find it makes me think which helps a lot. I am going to go to that seminar I posted about. Give anything a shot to be happy again.

My best to you all,

Jay

[Quercus]

Hi Jay,

Right well the big S stood out to me in your post. So much so I struggled to absorb much of what you wrote I'm sorry.

Three things...

1. Medical assistance and the seminar can work together. I am worried that the seminar will focus on you helping yourself when really sometimes we do need that check in with a professional. Will you think on this please?

2. Safety plan. Have you got one? Time to dust off the one you filled out when you joined as a champion and review it. Your previous emergency contacts need to be updated. Considered a chat with the BB crew just to check in?

3. CMF is right as usual... Be selfish. Put your needs first. The priority at this moment is you and your safety. If it feels easier focus on physical health. Good food. Exercise. Relaxation. Sleep routine. Try that smiling mind Croix talks about. If you find music hard put on your sneakers and smash it out to angry music. That is my go to and it helps by protecting me from overly emotional themes while inspuring me to tire myself out. Thank God for Marilyn Manson and Rob Zombie. Basically care for body until you are ready to deal with care within.

Be safe please Jay.

❤ Nat

[BballJ]

Hi Nat,

I understand what you are saying and I believe me writing about the big S was tough but I had to own up to it, Chris reached out to me as well about dealing with all of this and it was great. I went to the seminar last night and I see a lot of benefits in it, there were over 250 people in this room, all wanting help. It's all about self discovery and finding why your past drags you down. All about the unknown which kind of intrigues me.

I do not have a safety plan, partly because I know I will never ever act on anything, I was in a bad mindset of maybe if I wasn't here, things would be easier sort of thing. I can snap myself back into reality very quickly. I think about all those people on their death beds with a terminal illness who would wish to have the opportunities I have at this present time and it kind of kicks me up the backside and says you can't just quit because it gets a little tough. This will be a turning point in my life I think, this will be the moment I look back on and say I was so low but here I am today and so high and on top of everything. I have too many goals to achieve to not keep working my tail off to get there. I need to do it, for me.

My best,

Jay

[BballJ]

I also can't say I have listened to Rob Zombie or Marilyn Manson but I can see how that can help. Sometimes I put on hard rap music which helps me in the same way I think that music does for you 🙂

My best,

Jay

[CMF]

Hi Jay,

Sorry for not getting back to you yesterday. I found myself doing a lot of running around and was quite drained last night. The mention of the S word really saddened me too, to know that you feel that low. I too have felt things would be better if i wasn't here but then i think of my kids and how could i put them through that, so i need to keep moving and fighting.

'This will be a turning point in my life I think, this will be the moment I look back on and say I was so low but here I am today and so high and on top of everything. I have too many goals to achieve to not keep working my tail off to get there. I need to do it, for me.'

It is a turning point. This is so true Jay and the fact that you can see this through all your heartache shows strength, determination and a willingness to get through this. This is half the battle isn't it? Knowing you can get through and wanting it. The seminar sounds great and I am glad it intrigued you as it will motivate you to explore more and find why your past drags you down. The fact there were 250 people in this room all wanting to help shows how much people care, that you don't have to be the giver all the time, but you need to accept their care and support, which i feel you are doing now, I can especially see it through here.

Tony White Knight has started a new thread Forums / Staying well / Accepting your mental illness. It may be an interesting read for you. I found it helpful not just for accepting MI but acceptance in general, of life and its challenges.

Jay I found you last post more positive and detected a glimmer of hope and determination. You are an amazing, beautiful soul and I am so fortunate to have met you. You inspire me Jay.

Talk soon

cmf x

[CMF]

Hey Jay,

did you know it's been 12 months that you and I have been friends here on the forums? You first posted to me when I started my thread on Feb 20 2017.

12 months of support from you Jay. I am one lucky girl 😊

Cmf x

[Guest_1584]

Eh j.

hope your a little better today mate. That's a great thought you talked about , so much to do. To right Look at it this way, and how pissed would we be looking down from above and thinking DAMN , l really wanted to do that or that.

l dunno why or how but l still feel enthusiasm , yet l don't have a clue what l'm going to do.those cards we talked about on my thread helped a lot too but mind you , l'm still waiting haha. Hope they weren't full of it eh.

Are you into movies j , that was my other run to , l dunno how but l forget everything with movies so l kept a good dozen pack at least on hand always and did heaps of all nighters. Thank god it wasn't now l'd be screwed l just don't understand all this streaming online movie thing yet , wish we kept dv's tbh , loved holding something ohysically and ready covers and pictures.

Day ata time J , baby steps . You'll get there, believe it.

Hang in there mate.

rx

[BballJ]

Hi CMF & randomx,

CMF - Your replies to me are truly amazing. Your kids are so lucky to have a mother like you in their lives. 100% pure support. There is a glimmer of hope and determination. I am just sick of playing the victim and blaming everything in my life that has caused me to be where I am at today. I let too many people control how I feel and too many things control how I feel. I need to start taking back that control, this is where this self discovery course will come in handy I think. There is so much work to be done on myself but I need to get there. My sister said to me today you have to be ready to change a lot of things and I said I am, for once in my life I am ready to actually make changes to better myself. One thing I want to focus on is spending time alone with myself and just enjoying it.

Wow, 12 months of friendship with you, CMF, that is truly amazing and you inspire me also, more than you may know. I have been commenting on your thread the longest out of all threads here. Wouldn't change it for the world. You are an amazing soul and I hope you remind yourself of that everyday.

randomx - Thanks again for your reply, baby steps is indeed correct. I do like movies but since everything happened, I have not been able to sit still and watch tv shows or movies, trying to be active and doing stuff. I will slow down soon I think but and start enjoying just relaxing. I have started getting massages again just to unwind which is great. Hope everything is going well your way and your daughter is well too.

My best,

Jay

[CMF]

Hi Jay,

That certainly was a positive post, go you! Yes you may need to change 'things' but remember not to change 'you' to suit what others want you to be. We all have things we can work on changing.

'One thing I want to focus on is spending time alone with myself and just enjoying it.' I did this and it so empowering to know that you are comfortable with yourself and do not need another person to make you feel good. I'm not interested in meeting anyone else but if i did i think i would look at things differently. The reason for this is that i don't 'need' them but rather that i 'want' to be with them. I am not actively looking for someone, like i used to but if someone came along i would sense the spark, it would be all about my connection with them. I think in the past i have been with people because i felt lonely and couldn't bear to be on my own. Not anymore. I actually enjoy being on my own now, yes i have the kids, but if they were not here i would be ok with my own company. It takes time but it is a great feeling.

Hope the rest of your week has been ok and you have an enjoyable weekend.

cmf x

[Guest_1584]

Hi jay and cm and others.

Def' J sounds like you have some great things ticking over in there that could give you that thing you need to help.

That's the main thing , doesn't matter what it is if it helps and gives you whatever you need to get you through or even better than that, that's what that counts.

Hey cm. Nice to hear you've found your calm if life , oh whata feeling eh , nice goin. 00