Anxiety issue

[BballJ]

Hi all,

I took abit of convincing myself to join the forums and write in here but just wanted some advice.

in the past two weeks, I have had anxiety spiralling out of control, I am unable to concentrate at work or at home, I continually think of the worst case scenario in anything, I wake up in the middle of the night having panic attacks (heart racing, in shaking, heavy breathing) I haven't slept more than 4 hours each night and during the day I am in a constant stressed state that by 2 pm I am tired as can be, I hate being alone, if I'm driving I feel the need to call someone just so I can get my mind off my anxiety and contanst worry feelings. I have lost my appetite, eating maybe one meal a day simply because I cannot eat. I have tried natural over the counter medicine to try and alleviate the anxiety and calm me down but they don't work.... Does this sound like GAD and should I see a doctor about medication?

thank you in advance for your replies.

Jay

[CMF]

Good Morning Jay,

Nat has such a way with words doesn't she? It's like you're sitting right there with here having a chat. If you want to bored senseless i can help for sure but I'll tell you something funny first.

I went to look at terrace/townhouse yesterday. It has 4 levels, amazing views, an elevator andis next door to little miss' school. It's not really what i would want, i mean the kids could have a floor each but i would probably not be able to find them! Anyway, to go in you had to take your shoes off, this is fine but i didn't have great socks on. I walked around, had a look, owner in one room working, obviously has loads of money and here i am in my everyday clothes walking around with a hole in my socks. On the way out i chatted to the agent as he knows me and found myself with one foot over the other trying to hide the hole in my sock. When i went to leave i saw him look down at me feet. Well,what could i say? I looked at him, stuck out my foot, laughed and told him if i knew i would have to remove me shoes i would have worn better socks. To top it off, as i said it the owner appeared at the door!

That was my embarrassing moment for the day. The agent and i had a little chuckle and i walked off in my socks, shoes in hand as i was too embarrassed to put them on in front on him and the owner.

Hope today is better for you Jay.

cmf x

[CMF]

Hi Jay,

how was your weekend? How are your feeling?

cmf x

[BballJ]

Hi CMF & Nat (Quercus),

Once again it was amazing just to come on here and read your posts, I made a decision today to try and get back into my routine and get back into the forums in a capacity of talking to everyone again. I'd be lying if I said I haven't missed it and of course you find people. It is nice to be welcomed and wanted somewhere, let me tell you that. I also would be lying if I said I was doing ok. I am not, at all, I have hit rock bottom as of today. It is finding the fight again that I am wanting to do and I thought if I get back into my routines then it will help. I find I cannot even listen to music at the moment, listening to this self help pastor on YouTube who is really resonating with me, and I would love to share a clip I listened to, today with you both, if you care to listen. It goes for about 10 minutes but I think you will relate with it - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1A_SSEBEPBw - this speaker is a pastor and has some great insights. Love to know what you think or if you relate. There is a quote in this clip that I just instantly related too - "You know how to work better than you know how to cry for help" That is me summed up, I just keep going rather than ask for help.

A good friend of mine reached out to me yesterday who knows a lot of my struggles and was doing a self development course all weekend and this person, reached out late last night and said, I want you to come to this, this will help you, this will help you bounce back, I have put you down as an assignment and want you to come along to a info night and see what you think. This will change you. I am having an opening mind about this and agreed to attend because this person is one of the most sceptical people about this stuff and was actually crying to me on the phone. They want me to do this for me. I said I need too, I am drowning at the moment, I will try anything.

My best,

Jay

[Quercus]

Hi Jay,

The idea of you drowning in your pain is an awful thought. I think anything you feel able to try to distract yourself is a good idea. If your friend's activity doesn't help you've lost a few moments of your time and gained awareness that someone in your life values you and cares enough to try.

I keep wondering (although the whole situation is distressing) what in particular is upsetting you the most? For example is it feeling lonely or the upheaval of your routine and 'normal'... I just had this thought (it could be a stupid idea). That if you could pinpoint the worst trigger you could put something in place to help. Like loneliness... Getting a mate to live with you for a while... That sort of thing. What do you think?

I'm glad you feel able to get into the routine of coming back here... Just please remember to take it easy ok? And let us support you too.

❤Nat

[BballJ]

Hi Nat,

I guess where I have struggled the most is the lack of support. I honestly thought I would have more from friends and even family. It's not easy. Everyone has their own drama's and I just got told by the very good friend of mine that I haven't been there for her so therefor how I am feeling is a reflection on how I made her feel. This was hard to hear because I have invested a lot of time in this person but to be told that really does hurt. I can pinpoint it and it does come down to loneliness, I am not good on my own, I never have been. Maybe that stems from my mum leaving, I don't know. The support on here is great and I appreciate it so much because you guys do care, but you need that support from your friends and family too.

I had an ex girlfriend reach out to be 6 months ago who is an aspiring writer and she messaged to say she is writing a blog about past relationships and wanted to give me a heads up that she will be writing about our two year relationship. For some reason I read it this morning. Probably did more damage than good because it was all her perspective and what not but it opened my eyes, for 10 years now, nothing has changed. All the insecurities I had are still there, she even wrote I was suicidal. Mind you, at this point in time, it was right after my mum had left so was all relevant. Was a little eye opening to be honest. Something has to change. Just do not know what it is yet.

My best,

Jay

[BballJ]

As always, thanks for your support 🙂

[Quercus]

Hi Jay,

I'm kinda peeved on your behalf. This good friend of yours is not much of a friend at all in my mind.

Surely she can realise when you're married there are limits to how deeply you can be emotionally involved with and help another woman!!

My husband would be rightfully angry if I had a very close male friend who I was leaving at all hours to support. It just doesn't work. There has to be boundaries. And your spouse always comes first above all others.

Maybe that makes me a crap friend. But I think your friend is being an arse. Who wants a friend to feel abandoned and hurt just to have a taste of their own medicine?? Bleh. Cut this woman off Jay she's cruel.

As to the blog. Arrgh if someone wrote about me I'd sound like an utter nutcase. Maybe I am. But to the right person those faults aren't impossible to manage as long as I am helping myself too.

Which brings me to my question. Do you see a psychiatrist? Or psychologist? I don't remember you mentioning it. The situation with your Mum is a massive trauma. No wonder it affects you even now. Have you talked about it? Fear of abandonment and being alone have made me do so many things I regret. I end up pushing people away on purpose so they don't get too close. If I push them away first they can't surprise me by leaving me. Not just in intimate relationships but my friends and family too. Part of me wants to irritate and anger my husband until he leaves because I'm afraid of the surprise. I hate being alone too.

Right enough about me. What can do you to help yourself. Ok so your support network is crap, time to find new supports. The easiest and most immediate will be a medical professional. But what about hobbies. Classes. Gym. You've got this Jay. Take control and keep yourself busy 😊.

Ah crap. I have to go. Bloody neighbors dog is in with my Shepherd again and he's digging up my garden.

Take care of yourself please Jay.

❤ Nat

[CMF]

Hi Jay,

I am so glad you are posting to us. I do remember that you are happy when you are helping others, often sacrificing your own happiness and i was wondering if being back on the forums would make you feel good. I think it is good to get back into some sort of routine and back to what you used to so but of course only to the capacity you are comfortable with for now, no pressure for anything more. i like that you ost throughout the day, I don't have to wait till late at night to hear from you :-). I'm with Nat, to hear of your struggle is heartbreaking and as for your 'friend' well what she said to you shows a lack of maturity. Perhaps she is so self absorbed in her own problems that she didn't even notice how much support you have her. I understand about the lack of support from family and friends. When i separated, with 2 kids, my family didn't really do much to see if i was ok, or offer much help. I had to ask, which is not my style. Friends get funny too, soon take sides, some just don't associate with you much. It is sad. I too could not handle being on my own, I needed someone but unfortunately i met the wrong one - 'him'.I was so desperate to have someone that i refused to accept that the things that did not sit well with me were in fact red flags. I see that now but have gone through a lot to make me realise, worse than my original separation. As for the blog, I think your feelings at the time are very justified, unfortunately in that context people don't get the whole picture, just her interpretation of the situation. Having said that, if you see a pattern, and you want to make changes, then this is a good time. You now have time to focus on you and your need, not on everyone else and what they need to be happy. What do you need Jay? What will make you happy? what do you want from life? If i remember correctly you moved to the country, will you move back to the city and your family? Would you like that Jay?

Time for a bit of soul searching i think.

Hugs

cmf x

[Guest_1584]

Hi JAy.

So sorry your where your at mate, been there.

The friend too that left you to it like that yeah, l have the same , a huge family , no one came to me and the one person l chose to share things with, through it all in my face about 2yrs later ,. and she betrayed my trust in other huge ways by telling the whole damn family everything about my marriage l talked about to her confidentially. Craziest thing was she's been through it herself and spent half the time in tears with me talking about it.

Yet the most unexpected people put out a hand to you , , humans are so damn weird aren't they.

Don't worry that you can't even enjoy music just do what you feel like but strangely music actually saved me. l got left with all the debt and house payments , l had 1200 in the bank and thought to hell with it l'm buying a sound system , still got it , still love it. House payments went to crap that month but eh it was worth it. This thing saved my bacon, really, and for some reason music was the one thing l could enjoy, that or movies, both took me away , far away. So l'd play stuff all night often till dawn because l couldn't sleep anyway.

Anyway l hope the thing with the friend is helps man . that would be so nice and l love the way he's come to you with this . Maybe you should see what it's about if your up to it , l would've loved something , anything , if l could possibly have gotten into it.

Maybe your right too if you do feel like you could still be involved in the forum right now , if you felt up to that it might take your mind somewhere else for the time , like music did for me.You could try it if you'd like to at least .

Hang in there mate , day ata time, as people said to me a million times, things will get better.

rx

[Guest_1584]

PS , funny sock day CM , how typical is that eh. You could wear perfect socks for 10yrs and never have to take shoes off hey but the one day you grab that pair - yep you betcha.

But eh , sounds like an incredible building.