Anxiety and depression/loneliness

[Branka]

Hi to everyone. I have recently moved to Melbourne from Sydney to be with my 2 younger sons and grandson. It was a major decision as I had been living in Sydney for 50 years. I thought that moving would be great. My anxiety and depression has become worse. I have had clinical depression since I was 16 and anxiety for most of my life.

I am living with my youngest son and his wife. He abuses me verbally and emotionally and I now wonder if the move was wise. I simply don't have the energy nor finances to move back to Sydney. I feel lonely and sad as I just don't know what to do. I have no friends however, I have started working whicj has made me feel better.

I am divorced and unable to protect myself from my son's abuse. This is making me extremely anxious and sad. Why did I move in with him? Because I thought he may have changed particularly as he had recently married. I was wrong and feel really confused.

I am new to this forum and hope that I can find some support. Thank you.

[Croix]

Dear Branka~

I'm tremendously relieved you are out of that house, an enormous and brave step to take.

Frankly I'm not in the least surprised you feel guilty, miserable and upset. You are human and were going to have some sort of reaction to all this. Because you buttons have been consistently pressed to produce feelings of guilt and failure there is a big spill-over now.

In addition you are seeing the end of a set of loving hopes you had about leaving Sydney and settling down in harmony. Having such hopes dashed is heart-breaking. All this rolls up inside you and misery is the result.

While you will not feel like it may I suggest now is the time to be kind to yourself. It's not being self-indulgent, but a necessary thing to try to restore some balance in your feelings and perspective.You need to know deep down you are sensible, strong and practical. On little thing that helps is some small rewards.

I don't know what you normally like but perhaps a movie, a book or a call to someone in your family if here is anyone who will be prepared just to be on your side and not voice too much.

Did you go to an organization or department to get the motel placement?

Please remember we are going to be here for you.

Croix

[Branka]

Hi Croix

I rang 1800respect. They suggested I ring safesteps which I did. It just snowballed from there. It's quiet but I'm just having a hard time settling myself emotionally. I have actually been crying all day.

I keep questioning my actions and is this this just feeling guilty. My son messaged to say that I was behaving like a teenager. Which means I am being immature and thinking rationally. I didn't bother to respond. I simply said I was safe.

I will be assigned a case worker tomorrow to hopefully sort things out and try to find more permanent accommodation. I was told that I can't work at the moment and I am not sure why. I really need to work. But I will do as they request. I guess there must be a reason.

I pray that life gets better. My son said he never wants to see or talk to me again or to be around his future children. Maybe he doesn't really mean it. I so want us to have a great relationship.

But I for now I need time to heal mentally and emotionally.

Branka xxx

[Croix]

Dear Branka~

Getting a case worker should be a big help, you are a stranger to all this and they see it every day. I'm not exactly sure why they say don't go to work, I would guess maybe they did not want your son to catch you there and give you a hard time. I'm sure once things are sorted you will be back there.

Of course your life will improve. Just being out of that environment is a start.

Incidentally the next danger point is going back. Some do end end back in exactly the same situation again. Thoughts that "things weren't that bad" or "I overreacted" or "I should just stand up to him" can take over when alone and in a strange place. Please don't be fooled.

You said

But I for now I need time to heal mentally and emotionally.

That's spot-on

Croix

[Mathy]

Hi Branka,

I’m glad that you’re now in a safe place, with some support from a sympathetic organisation (I checked their website). I’ve felt a great deal of concern for you and the situation that you are in, so try and relax, let them help you, and take some time to gather yourself.

Can I suggest that you block your Son from calling/messaging you? It doesn’t have to be permanent, but a few days of being free from him and HIS emotional stuff, might be good for your emotional state. Especially whilst your getting yourself established somewhere else. When you’re ready and feeling stronger, then you could deal with that stuff.

I also note that SafeSteps are able to organise a foster carer for pets, until people are in a situation where they can care for them again. Just thinking this would be an option for your cat?

I’m wishing you a peaceful night, and I’m selfishly pleased that you are in a safer place, all the best M 🙂

[Branka]

Croix just know that I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

[Branka]

Hi Mathy

I feel a little more relaxed than I did earlier. After crying all day I feel emotionally exhausted. Being here means I don't have to deal with the abuse. My son messaged once only which I chose to ignore. He hasn't bothered me since.

As I mentioned to Croix it's time to let myself heal mentally and emotionally. I believe I deserve that. After 50 years of abuse from my father, husband and son it's time to really think about what's best for me. Thank you for your support.

Branka xxx

[Branka]

Hi to all

I have had a peaceful night. I am still feeling very weepy. My daughter in law messaged to say that my cat is very upset that I am not there. I am missing my cats company terribly. I know they will look after her until I can get her. Her company and love is so good for me.

I am just feeling sorry for myself. I know this sounds really selfish. I am in the motel waiting to hear from safesteps. I am so scared I might lose my job as I am getting calls but have to say no.

I don't know what to do with myself all day. It gives me too much time to think about everything.

I hope there is light at the end of the tunnel. It just can t see it now.

Branka xxx

[Branka]

Hi to everyone

Spent another day crying. I feel so emotional and down. Received a message from my son that if I don't come home for my cat (she has been fretting for me and yowling) he will report me missing. Is this a threat? I rang domestic violence line and was told to stay strong.

I am inspecting some rental properties on Saturday and hope I find something suitable. I know I need to stay positive but it's really hard. I have decided that I will work as I cannot sit all day in the motel. I think too much and end up exhausting myself.

Hope all goes well.

Branka xxx

[Croix]

Dear Branka~

Sounds a hard day. Did oyu get to talk to a case officer at all? Unless they gave a very good reason I'd think going to work would be an OK idea. I've found when in great distress that working helped to drown things out.

Plus you will not have to worry about refusing calls.

I agree you have to stay strong, sitting alone the doubts and fears start to come out. Can you ring your older son or his family and have a talk, if only to pass the time?

Croix

[Branka]

Hi Croix

I have spoken to my son in Sydney and he is disgusted with his brother's attitude. He himself doesn't want to have anything to do with him.

Unfortunately I haven't seen a case manager. It could take some time. I am seriously thinking about going home. Apparently my cat is very distressed because she is missing me. I wonder if this is just a ploy to get me to come home. I'm a little confused and unsure.

Branka xxx