Anxiety and depression/loneliness

[Branka]

Hi to everyone. I have recently moved to Melbourne from Sydney to be with my 2 younger sons and grandson. It was a major decision as I had been living in Sydney for 50 years. I thought that moving would be great. My anxiety and depression has become worse. I have had clinical depression since I was 16 and anxiety for most of my life.

I am living with my youngest son and his wife. He abuses me verbally and emotionally and I now wonder if the move was wise. I simply don't have the energy nor finances to move back to Sydney. I feel lonely and sad as I just don't know what to do. I have no friends however, I have started working whicj has made me feel better.

I am divorced and unable to protect myself from my son's abuse. This is making me extremely anxious and sad. Why did I move in with him? Because I thought he may have changed particularly as he had recently married. I was wrong and feel really confused.

I am new to this forum and hope that I can find some support. Thank you.

[Branka]

Hi Croix

Well was hoping for a quiet packing but didn't happen. I got an earful of how I've ruined his relationship with his brothers and that I still play the victim. He said he can hardly wait for me to be out of his life. I made no responses for fear of an argument.

I am in my car waiting for him to leave for work. Well it will be better for me once I am gone. It still makes me really sad but I try not to think too much about it.

He says I cause nothing but problems. He and his wife are moving into their new house in December and there will be no mother to help him. I have done so much for him and I realise now it's because I just wanted his love and approval.

Branka xxx

[Croix]

Dear Branka~

It's going to be great for you to have your own place, no going home to tension and dispute, just peace. No more sitting in the car! Hopefully your cat will be happy with the change OK too.

I guess we all want love and approval from our children. There is also a certain satisfaction in helping too. It may not work out even, parent may help more than child - or vice versa. I don't think it matters so much provided there is love and appreciation on both sides.

Sadly giving love does not mean it is always returned. As I said before feel sorry for his wife, she has a lifetime of him to look forward to.

I think we would all like to know how you get on and settle in. Reflecting on your move I would not be surprised if you felt a little lonely in your new home, perhaps time for some new social ventures.

Croix

[Branka]

Hi everyone

Hope you are all well I have moved into my apartment and it is awesome. I am so much more relaxed and my anxiety is much better. I am working alot so that keeps me busy. I have my beautiful cat Miranda for company.

I have not heard from my son which is fine by me. I have realisec that he hasn't deserved alot of things that I have done for him and I absolutely refuse to go down that path again. As much as I love him I will not put myself in the position of being used and abused by him anymore. It may sound selfish but he is an adult and needs to act responsibly especially now that he is married and committed to a mortgage.

I have not given him my address and don't intend to at least for the time being. Neither has he given me his new address. Hopefully things will be better in the future especially as we are living apart.

Sorry for not posting earlier. With moving and working I have been totally pooped.

I will continue to post. I would like to thank everyone especially Croix and Mathy for your support and advice during a most difficult time for me. Love you guys.

Branka xxx

[Croix]

Dear Branka~

Hearing that good news is absolutely great. You situation, tone of voice and resolve on how to handle things gets my admiration. You were so stressed and unhappy, now a measure of comfort and peace!

Thank you very much for letting us know. Sometimes people just stop posting and one is left wondering how they have gotten on. Ta

Can you give Miranda a tickle or stroke for me please (dealer's choice)? I suspect she played her part too in giving you a little love when you needed it.

Croix

[Mathy]

Hi Branka, I’m so happy to hear your news 🙂

Thank you for getting back to us, and letting us know how you’re going.

So, apartment’s great, work’s great and Miranda the cat is happy, wins all round by the sound of it.

Perhaps over time, you can reconcile with your youngest son, but, I’d be wary, you have other children who do support you.

Enjoy your new life, my very best for you, cheers M 🙂

[Branka]

Hi everyone

Hope you are all well. I have settled into my apartment and it is great. I have my privacy, independence and I feel much better about myself. No treading on egg shells. Work is great too. I still haven't made any close friends other than my workmates. I have hobbies and I am starting to enjoy them more.

I still haven't spoken to my son who is sitting for his exams for the police force. Part of me doesn't want to talk to or see him which I know sounds awful. Just thinking about being in his presence makes me nervous. However, I will see him for Christmas dinner at my other son's place.

All is well for now. Love you guys.

Branka xxx

[Croix]

Dear Branka~

I'm delighted at your news and the fact you sound so good. As an ex-policeman I hope you will forgive me if I have reservations about your son entering the police.

The feeling of being in charge, sure of yourself - and no eggshells- is great.

I'm glad work has continued to be something you enjoy.

I hope you have a great time over the holiday period - oh, and that Miranda is in the pink

Croix

[Mathy]

Hi Branka, I was very happy to see your post, and to hear that things are going well for you. Has Miranda settled in to the new home?

It’s a comfortable place to be when work is going well, you have a few work friends and are starting to enjoy some hobbies and hopefully some more new friends.

I’m really pleased for you, there were times when I wondered if you would be able to manage to extricate yourself from your Son’s home, so a massive well done to you 😊

I’ll be blunter than Croix, your son sounds entirely unsuited to be a Police Officer - but time will tell what happens there.

I join Croix in wishing you all the very best for the Festive season, and that the New Year brings you a wonderful 2018, bestest, cheers M 🙂

Branka said:

Hi everyone

Hope you are all well. I have settled into my apartment and it is great. I have my privacy, independence and I feel much better about myself. No treading on egg shells. Work is great too. I still haven't made any close friends other than my workmates. I have hobbies and I am starting to enjoy them more.

I still haven't spoken to my son who is sitting for his exams for the police force. Part of me doesn't want to talk to or see him which I know sounds awful. Just thinking about being in his presence makes me nervous. However, I will see him for Christmas dinner at my other son's place.

All is well for now. Love you guys.

Branka xxx

[Branka]

Hi guys

Hope you are well.

Just a short note asking for advice. My son and his wife have moved into their new home which is great. I only found out through my daughter in law because she posted the news on Facebook. Not long ago they messaged me to look after their new puppy which I couldn't do because I was working. I know this sounds selfish but I feel that they only message me when they need me. I feel sad that I have been left out of their lives. They have always expected me to call or message first. Since I couldn't look after their new puppy I haven't heard from them.

My other son is upset that I am working Christmas Day. I explained that I am in desperate need of money and that was why I accepted the shift. He isn't going to pay my daily living expenses or bills. He is upset because he is having Christmas dinner at his place. I told him that I can still be there but I will be late. He sees it as my not wanting to spend time with my family. I am so tired of trying to please everyone and still seem to be letting people down no matter what I do.

Any advice?

Branka xxx

[Croix]

Dear Branka~

I suspect you have had a lifetime of putting yourself second. One of the mechanisms that goes with this is guilt. In fact it is one of the motivating factors that keeps one putting others first.

Anything that has been there for a lifetime does not vanish overnight. On the other hand you are sufficiently removed from the scene to have a sensible perspective. You know it is not practical to look after the puppy, you know you need to work on Christmas day - so you refuse. Good!

Looking in from the outside I see a son who is so wrapped up in himself he does not have sympathy for his mother having to work on Christmas day, and another son who regards his mother as a sort of vending-machine who only exists to hand out goodies on demand.

I'm sorry to be so blunt and it may be - at least the older one - has redeeming virtues. However neither is giving you a square deal. You have not let anyone down, they have let you down.

I hope your work is still giving you enjoyment and Miranda is doing fine. I expect we will all be around at Christmas if you happened to drop in.

Croix