Anxiety and depression/loneliness

[Branka]

Hi to everyone. I have recently moved to Melbourne from Sydney to be with my 2 younger sons and grandson. It was a major decision as I had been living in Sydney for 50 years. I thought that moving would be great. My anxiety and depression has become worse. I have had clinical depression since I was 16 and anxiety for most of my life.

I am living with my youngest son and his wife. He abuses me verbally and emotionally and I now wonder if the move was wise. I simply don't have the energy nor finances to move back to Sydney. I feel lonely and sad as I just don't know what to do. I have no friends however, I have started working whicj has made me feel better.

I am divorced and unable to protect myself from my son's abuse. This is making me extremely anxious and sad. Why did I move in with him? Because I thought he may have changed particularly as he had recently married. I was wrong and feel really confused.

I am new to this forum and hope that I can find some support. Thank you.

[Branka]

Dear Mathy

Thank you for the hugs I really need them. I will look for a rental property as fast as I can. As I said if there are problems I won't hesitate to take out an AVO against my son. He needs a good wake up call and realize that he cannot treat anybody the way he does.

My daughter in law had the audacity to say that I am not thinking straight. This time my cat comes with me. She is not feral as my daughter in law says. My cat hates my son. He even said that she should be put down. She is a very loving and affectionate cat.

I will take care. Working is a big bonus as I am amongst nice and friendly people.

Branka xxx

[Mathy]

Hey Branka,

Sometimes I think cats really “out” bad people. They seem to have no ability to “cover up” their feelings about people, unlike dogs, who generally love everyone. I would pay great attention to your cat’s feelings 🙂

Please take care, enjoy your work and try and make some good friends there - perhaps confide, if you find the right person. Having friends in your situation is important, and you never know what help you might receive. And one day you might have the opportunity to return that help, cheers M 🙂

[Branka]

Hi to everyone hope you are all well

I am home and all is quiet. I pray that it stays that way. I'm glad to be with my beautiful cat. I really missed her. My son and I are actually avoiding each other. I don't mind.

I am frantically searching for a rental property and working as much as I can so that I can move out asap. My anxiety and depression levels have dropped which is great. I am determined not to be anxious but to be strong and positive. I have had the last week at the safesteps accommodation to think. I am a worthy person and deserve to be treated with respect. I have always been a people pleaser and now it's time to look after myself.

I just hope that my son keeps to his word and leaves me alone. It's a sad state of affairs when it comes down to avoiding each other. I love my son and pray that the situation between us improves. I try to have faith that he will change but my psychologist said that most abusers don't.

I still feel a little afraid of my son but this time I won't allow him to abuse me. An AVO may be a wake-upcall for him but I hope it doesn't come to that.

I'd like to thank you all for all your support and advice. I appreciate it so much. You have made my days easier to get through.

Branka xxx

[Croix]

Dear Branka~

You have started to find the strength that has always been inside you. I think you are quite right and that the time away from that constant overbearing emotional battering has allowed you to have some perspective.

I guess out fingers are crossed you get a place soon with no real dramas in the meantime

Croix

[Mathy]

Hi Branka,

Croix has written wise words 🙂

Please try and stay in contact and let us know how you are doing. I’m here for you and want to see a happy ending, cheers M 🙂

[Branka]

Hi Croix and Mathy

It's3.38am and I can't sleep. I have tp get ready for work soon anyway. Things have been very quiet at home which almost makes me a little anxious. I am wondering how long my son will stay quiet.

I'm filling in applications for several rental properties and pray that I am accepted for one.

It really saddens me that my son and I can't have a great relationship. I have to admit and it shames me to say that I am avoiding him also. It's mainly so that we don't get into any arguments.

It's my faith in God, your support and work that keep me going. Ps.as well as my beautiful grandson and my cat

Branka xxx

[Branka]

Hi all

I didn't think the peace would last. My son is angry with me for staying at the emergency accommodation. He said he did nothing wrong and that I am blowing everything out of proportion. He said he only wanted the best for me. Maybe he's right. He started calling me a victim again and that families have arguments all the time and things are said but not meant.

He just won't accept the fact that he abused me emotionally and psychologically. He believes abuse is physical only. He wants me to ring domestic violence people and retract everything I said. He said that I am ruining his life and wants nothing to do with me.

On a good note I have been successful and found a unit to rent. I move out on the 9th Nov. So I somehow have to grit my teeth and get through the next 2 and a bit weeks. He wants me to pay rent and I explained that I really need the money. He doesn't care. I really owe only 3 weeks and not 4. But I couldn't be bothered arguing.

He said that if I ever need anything not to come running to him. That's ok. He says I am selfish but I would have done anything for him had he been different.

Light at the end of the tunnel?

Branka xxx

[Croix]

Dear Branka~

Thank you. I'm glad you have found support from religion, us and of course your cat. It is amazing how not feeling quite alone can make a whole heap of difference. It can allow us to make better decisions and also feel better about ourselves.

It's a bitter thing to understand a child is not what we hoped, and that our love is not returned. I really have no answer.

Keeping your distance sound the only way to go. Shame does not really come into it. You know there is so much chance of an altercation if you were in his presence, and there is no way you want that. It is utterly destructive.

Hopefully one of those applications will hit the mark

Croix

[Branka]

Hi all

Things didn't stay quiet for too long. My son thinks ( and I guess I was) avoiding him. He was avoiding me also. He is still calling me a victim and now believes that I am ruining his life. Apparently, my other son messaged my youngest son and said he didn't want to have anything to do with him and his wife because of how he has been treating me.

My son has been questioning me about the emergency accommodation I stayed at. He wants to know exactly where I was. I didn't tell him. He wants me to ring domestic violence people and retract everything I said because he thinks it will affect his application for the police force. I told him no names were given but he keeps going on about it.

He says that I have ruined his relationship with his brother and that I am trying to ruin his life. I can't explain to him that I would have done anything for him had he been different. He says that families argue and say things that are not meant to insult. Yeah right. He still believes that he is not at fault ie not abusive. That it's still my fault.

On good note I have found a rental and move out 13th November.

Light at the end of the tunnel? I hope so. However, my son says he wants nothing to do with me. Is it for the best? Hope things change.

Branka xxx

[Croix]

Dear Branka

As I'm sure you know there are some in this world who will go to any length to blame others for their own failings. Sadly your son is one of these.

To blame you is simply ridiculous, and if as a result of his actions his application to join a police force is rejected then so be it. Actually it might be on shaky ground anyway, most forces include psychological testing as a routine part of the recruitment process. I'm ex-police and joined in the 70's. Even back then such testing was standard.

The news of the rental is an absolute blessing and I've no doubt your life will be amazingly different. Hopefully you have found somewhere not too far from work. With luck you will not have another confrontation before you go.

His having nothing to do with you is certainly the best for now, as for the future, I guess you have to wait to see if he settles down.

Croix