Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Hanna and everyone..🤗..

As hard as it was...I am pleased that I went in..and in a way I don’t think it will be as hard next Tuesday....Well I hope not..

It would have been nice if they said sorry..but I know how hard that can be...I don’t hold grudges against them...even though they have hurt me...I don’t think I can ever trust them again...maybe they weren’t thinking properly about that...maybe they were just thinking. about putting them in their market stall...I know money can do evil things to people...It’s better all round if at work it’s a comfortable atmosphere for working...She works out front..I don’t go out front...I work out back with another newbie that took old newbies place...

I don’t mind..keeping the peace..it comes easily to me...When I upset people regardless of what it’s about..I immediately feel sorry and guilty then I feel an overwhelming need to make it right again...Maybe it’s something else I have wrong with my brain....idk..

You’re all very kind and caring people...I feel indebted to you all..for your kindness, understanding and care...You all mean more to me then you’ll ever know...💜..

My bbff...Love you dear sister...The pleasure is mine lovely sss...as always yadimh, sss ...

My kindest and caring wishes to you all..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🌱🕊..

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy (waves to Deebi, Croix, everyone)

I'm so glad you did decide to go back to the store and you're going to keep on going back - I was hoping you would, I think it's good not to burn bridges and I felt you would miss the support of some of the people there. Good on you Grandy lady!

I have the same guilt feelings as you get sometimes, it's the way we were brought up, were were not given any self-confidence, I was always told I was no good and in the wrong growing up, and it's so hard after that kind of childhood to ever feel sure about yourself and your decisions. I've burnt bridges with people in the past and I've regretted it, I would find another way now, I've learnt my lesson - so good on you for returning to the store and keeping on going! I truly think that was the best decision.

Well done you! Cuddle up with your furs and feel good about yourself. Fluffiest of soft hugs from little Sam!

Deebi - you have stuck by Grandy all the way, you are wonderful! Fluffiest hugs to you too!

[demonblaster]

Hey beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 Hannah and everyone ⚘

Dear Grandy you just keep striving ahead don't you sweet love.

Absolutely loved hearing you saying it probs won't be as bad next time at work.
Huh you reckon no courage.
I've always seen a brave strong lady with a magic Golden heart 💜 oh but it's Gold in a different light 😅

I too am glad you're still going lovely. That in itself is standing by yourself. Love it.

Big shame the other newbies moving. I hope this ones nice and a friendship eventuates. Can't imagine it not with you.

Maybe in time when your confidence builds more and you begin to like yourself you'll be easier on yourself. Such a gentle soul you are.

Blows me away that your strength of spirit didn't allow the mutts in your life to destroy your goodness and make you a bitter sad lady. To me that's an incredible strength beyond. You're so lovely Grandy I'm honoured to have you in my life and so close 🤗

Love you too beautiful friend. You da 💣bomb.

Hope todays a lovely one and sunshine although at least rain hopefully cools it for you.

Is anything growing in your garden? Some nice flowers with luck. Hey maybe a Pumpkin and watermelon might ignite in their seasons.

Have a beautiful day dearest bbff

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯 always 👀🤝🕊👭🌞

Hannah thank you for your kind comments. Grandy's always same for me. She's such a beautiful soul 😚

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Hanna and everyone....🤗..

Thank you for your caring posts..and your nice words to me..

If I didn’t go back..I would be causing myself to going backwards..without Tuesday’s commitment, I would have no reason to leave my home...and I know I wouldn’t if I left work...Just trying to help myself the best I can...Betty doesn’t understand why I’m not angry with the 2 girls...I don’t know anger..especially towards people..When someone hurts me..I escape into myself...taking sadness, guilt, shame with me..

What drives anyone to hurt another person, whether physical, emotional or sexual is something I don’t and won’t ever understand...Why they would do that..it’s so heartbreaking to hear or see...If they were on the other end of the abuse like I was...maybe they would be different people..idk....Bitter no, I survived my childhood and marriage, with deep scars which is causing me, having trouble surviving life as it is now....Depression and anxiety I am learning and can manage at times...PTSD I can’t manage...It grabs me so quickly...

Nothing growing in my garden...except weeds😁..I should clean them out and get started planting some seeds..just no motivation this spring...

Its cold here today with periods of sprinkles and rain...I’ve just been vegging out on the lounge today..checking out different things I might like to do...Candle Making looks okay, so does soap making..problem is it’s cheaper to buy them ready made...then to buy everything I need to start making them...and I would have to buy everything I need online..

Think I will have a bath now..and spoil myself a bit with some scented burning candles, listening to some soft music...and of course lots of bubbles..

Gentle and deep sss love, my bbff..💜🐻🤗🌹🦋..yadimh..always in my ☁️..👀🤝...with my respect..🐻🤗..

Love, care and hugs..Hanna and everyone..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hi sweety bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩

Just wanted you to know you're in my thoughts day and night spirit soul sister and for you to know I'll always love you deeply.

Been sleeping most of today.

See you tomoz honey

PubAok really do love you very much dear friend.

👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝🕊😚🤗⚘

[Nellie56]

I too have had similar feelings and have felt an overwhelming urge to just give up but the fact that you persist seems to indicate your a fighter even if you yourself don’t think so. You have been through a lot and sometimes we just need to be kind to ourselves and be nurturers of ourselves and give ourselves permission to not be ok sometimes.. Mood lifters can be music, reading, cooking a favorite meal or yummy cake may be even share some with an elderly neighbor. Making a cuppa and sitting in the sunshine listening to the birds sing or even a short nature walk can be food for the soul. I wonder if you like gardening as I love to watch things grow it feels purposeful but most of all talk, you can talk it out here its a safe and a non judge mental environment. Thinking of you and hoping your feeling much better soon. 🙋‍♀️

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Nellie ...and everyone..

Thank you for your beautiful caring posts...

Nellie..I feel really honoured that you made your first post on mine..Thank you so much...

I love lightning my scented candles and watching the flame flickering while I’m listening to some peaceful music...

All animals..I love..Sitting out front and listening to the birds, watching the clouds is my daily mindfulness practise..To me Nature is their for us healing our broken soul....Your welcome to chat here anytime you like..if you decide to make your own thread up...please come back here and let me know the title of it so I can support you along on your journey...How are you feeling now dear Nellie?

Deebi and all..I went to work today, feeling apprehensive and anxious, making up scenarios in my brain most of the weekend and Monday....Umm..today was quite good, co-ordinator talking to me like before...well just about..still a bit of tension in the air with her.....The newbie, has been working their before on Wednesday and Friday..she is now doing Tuesday....

I have been avoiding visiting my Dr..because of how down I was...I have been told I must visit her on Thursday and absolutely no excuses this time...I’m not feeling as defeated or down now...which is better for me when I see her...

After about 3-4 days of windy, cold raining weather..because I had to work today..the sun was shining and it was beautiful sitting outside in the sun for lunch...

Oh this morning a little sparrow decided it wanted to check my home out...poor thing was flying into my windows trying to get outside...It landed between my buffet and the wall...it got trapped their..so I crept up to it and took hold of it very gently...gave it a little pat...Awe they are so soft...then I set it free....I think it made me feel better for the day ahead...A sign of being trapped, then freedom...go little sparrow!.

Deebi...how are you my dearest bbff..sss deep caring love 💜 4 Eternity...🌹🌱🕊👀🤝☁️..

I hope everyone had a good day today...

Sending my love, care and hugs to you all..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

[demonblaster]

Beautiful Grandy and everyone ☺ Hi there Nellie 👋

Grandy love hi darlin 🤗 I'm loven hearing you saying if you didnt go back to work you'd go back to before. You're starting to look after yourself this is fantastic sweetylove.

I really do think it's very smart to give yourself reason to leave the house dear friend thats survival at it's best. You're charging forward huns.

I'm with Betty not understanding you being angry at them but your beautiful gentle nature doesn't allow you to have bad feelings towards people. You're a gentle soul 🤗 hugs

No I'll never understand how people can be such mutts with eachother. Yes I'd think they would be different or maybe that's how they think it should be. Disturbing isn't it.

Handling PTSD will come lovey it's deep rooted pain that's stewed and had increasing power each time it's repeatedly hurt for yrs upon yrs is why I'd think it'll take longer.
If anyone can get through it's you lovey.

That' ok hun about your weeds, maybe in a mania or some other time you might feel like gardening.
This rot really takes a toll on us doesn't it. It's best to rest as much as po I reckon.
You're doing just fine our beautiful Grandy floss 👍

Oh that bath sounded so good. Hope the candles and music worked some magic darlin ☺🕊

Aren't the scenarios a whopping pain. They're a constant nag.
Thing is we don't know what's ahead it's another part of beasties rot.
When I realise I'm there I redirect my thinking. I guess it's in those times we need to talk to the thought and be aware but not accept it as truth.

Awesome she was nearly ok.
Hope newbies nice. She's lucky having you to teach and be with her.

Good Dr insisting to see you. Yip hard when we're blaghh.

Cool the sun shining. Been a nice bit cooler here too. Some rain and storms occasionally.

Oh the dear little sparrow. How cool having a little pat. Sounds gorgeous they're sweet little creatures aren't they.

I'm ok thanks hun for asking still catching up.
Dear Mr 😍 is making it easier to handle he's so easy to be with. Dear lovely darling he is, so much love.

Love that it was trapped and you gave it freedom.

Same gorgeous eternal growing love. 4 evs beautiful 🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜😍✨🗯🤝👀🕊⚘

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

Lass I'm so pleased you managed to go to work today & there was no nastiness there. Well done you.

Ohhh what a lovely thing being able to hold a tiny little sparrow & then seeing it fly away unhurt. I've had birds inside, but I've always had to open the house up to let them fly out by themselves. You must have very gentle movements to be able to catch it in your hands.

Sending you the huggliest of hugs

Paws

[Croix]

Dear Grandy

I'm relived you went and there was no nastiness. You have faced down the dragon. If that helps you see the doc that's great, I truly beleive you are a slightly changed person, and you did it.

Maybe that sparrow is a metaphor, maybe it is just your gentle caring nature showing though. I'm glad it was OK -you too.

Croix