Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[mmMekitty]

Hi Grandy

When I wash my hair & condition it, I let the water run over my head until I leave a very small amount of conditioner in it to help reduce tangles. After that, would you be able to use a comb, in your right hand to comb it while it is still quite wet? We're not going to attempt fancy styles, just, maybe make a part & make the rest tidy, then leave it to dry.

I was doing this when my own left shoulder was quite bad with the (suspected) burtitis, & I was unable to do my own hair washing.

& when I came home from surgery, too, I could not move my shoulders much at all at first. I don't think my pain at that time compares to what you are coping with, but it was restricting my movements so much.

Sleeping was very difficult them (but my sleep is erratic, so I am sort of used to it. I admit, with getting older it is harder to deal with a lack of quality sleep or too few hours of it. I will allow myself naps. I try to be aware when my body is telling me now would be a good time to get myself off to bet. It soesn't always help, & I get frustrated & cranky at myself & remember, it does no good doing that. If anything, getting grumpy & frustrated only makes my sleeplessness worse. I think to myself, it's nothing I've done wrong, nothing to blame myself for, so let up, mmMekitty. Then do my best to distract myself away from those thoughts. I use audiobooks for that.

Weren't you listening to bedtime / sleep stories? I seem to think you were, & had said you enjoyed them very much.

Try to find things that bring you pleasure & help you to feel calm, hard as that is while in pain. I think it's true that while feeling physical pain our experience of psychological pain increases, & vice versa: high levels of stress, anxiety & depression can make our experiences of physical pain worse. So the more often we can interrupt any of the pain we feel, & focus on something else, something calm, relaxing or enjoyable, the more we will feel in control & capable of coping.

Am I making sense? I'm getting tired again, so I wonder if I'm rambling.

I'm sorry, Grandy. I don't think it's a good idea to be driving while in so much pain. Asking someone, such as Betty, to drive you is the wiser thing to do, for your sake & for others on the road, if you are distracted by being in pain.

Warmest hugzies

mmMekitty

[demonblaster]

Hey there sweety Grandy Pawsy Kitty Croixy adnd everyone 😊

Darlin girl I've  been thinking so much more about your really hard situation atm. I do hope by now you have some answers and hope for fixes you poor love it's terrible being in so much pain and it pays out hard on the mental state too. 
RUOK darlin. And hoping by now you have the blood results too. What a worry.

Sweety I think in order to reply here I might have lost a post that I thinks still noted hopefully. I thought I"d posted it but apparently not or not that I can see anyway here. 

Grandy we had some rain here on and off for about 3 days, I hope you have a gorgeous sunny day like we have here today. 

I have to pop off now hun going to the Dr have a batch of carbuncles again, too much fun but think they're backing off. 

You have no idea how often you're in my thoughts daily dear friend, but I need to be supporting you more my love, not feeling like much of a true besty but can improve on that sweety. If thoughts were posts well...

Really do love and care so deeply darlin. PubAok huns. I"ll keep an eye out more often. 
Always good well the best of wishes darlin. HOld on huns 🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜

Caring thoughts of dear friends here too 🙂

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Shelly, mmMeKitty, Paws, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and readers….🤗..

Thank you all for your caring posts,

My bed times are all over the place, when I get relief from pain I go to bed to get some sleep….always listening to the sleep stories or sometimes a collection of fairy/folk tales…

mmMeKitty…I have stupid hair…if I comb it when it’s wet, it goes Afro frizzy…something I was bullied for for most of my school years…I had it chemically straightened a few times once I got a job…then came the straightening irons…I bought one, learnt how to use it…and still using them today…I know it’s only hair…but I do have huge issues within me about it….I did manage a sort of hair wash…then I bent my head forward and straightened it with my head on my knees upside down🙃..it looks okay…I guess…

As frightened as I am about the cortisone shots, I’m also looking forward to the relief I have been told I’ll get from them….I am definitely not driving my car,  I just haven’t got enough movement or strength without the intense pain in both arms, stopping me..

I do hope that your bursitis doesn’t come back to you, mmMeKitty I’ve had it in my hip and it’s extremely painful…Do you listen to audio books when your all tucked into bed?…Yes mmMeKitty you made sense…🤗..tiredness does that to us..

Oh no..Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, I’m so sorry that those horrible carbuncle are back again…I can only imagine the pain they give you…poor bbff…I get boils..(only if I eat fresh cream)…no where near the size of carbuncles and the way carbuncle’s hurt…I do hope your Dr. can do something for you…maybe they can do a….oh, I forget what it’s called….um, oh yeah!…got it…a biopsy on them....to hopefully find out the causes of them…Really do 💭 of you daily..I often crawl along the golden chain and scatter some star dust around you while your sleeping…love you so much dearest bbff..💙🦋🌹🐇.

I have work tomorrow, so I’ll be going to bed very soon…Hope everyone is feeling good both physically and mentally….sending you all my love, care, hugs and kind thoughts..💕🦋🤗🌹

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[mmMekitty]

Hi Grandy,DB & everyone

I just remembered seeing (when I could see better), a woman with afro-style hair, which was dark getting quite a lot of white through it. She sooked like she had a lovely silver halo around her head! It really was gorgeous. I think now, she must have put in a lot of effort to keep it neat & so beautiful, or it was hairdressers.

Personally, I love wild curls. & red hair too. So, when I have seen people who had both red & wildly curly hair, I've felt immediately drawn to them.

My (ex-)step-mother had criticised me for my straight hair. "Straight as a board" she would say. She insisted once that I go to a hairdresser to have it permed, & didn't like what they did. Since I din't want it done in the first place, I let them do whatever. & then the curls only lasted a few weeks.

Now I know, from someone I once knew, how soft short curly hair can feel - I'm betting your hair would feel so soft too.

But don't take my word for it. Your hair is part of you, so I guess the thing to do is to sit awhile & appreciate what you can about it.

There are things I am critical about my own hair., but I am enjoying the fact it is losing the colour I didn't like, & becoming silvery, eventually white, while i still have some on my head - I am going to appreciate it. The way it's thinning, maybe I'll end up with cobwebby hair!

I could stiffen up if I don't keep doing exercises, & the stretches I was shown. Those things did help so very much when I had bursitis last year.

I keep my audiobooks on overnight, so I can distract my mind, drawing my attention away from how my body feels, what I might begin to think & feel if I didn't focus on the book & not hear so much of my tinnitus.

I hope you, DB, can have some relief from those carbuncles soon.

Hugzies to everyone

mmMekitty

[demonblaster]

Hi there dear Grandy and all our lovely friends ‌‌
Sweety when I last posted I couldn't see any of your posts or anyone elses recent ones which is why I didn't know what was going on. Then yesterday I think it was or the day before here they all were and it wasn't through not looking, I did for a while. 

Wow you sure have some nasty stuff going on you poor love not that I doubted any of your pain. Crikey there's all sorts of things happening. OH Grandy love. 
All the very best for a good outcome with the needle you dear love so much going on eh. 
My Dr told me once when I was going to have one in the neck that it's quick. I do understand your concerns esp that it's so sore. 
Agree with a comment to focus on the results for it. Poor girl my hearts always with you darlin. 

You had your hair cut huns. That would have been hard but I think it could be a wise move with how it all is trying to keep it atm. 

Geez I hope you've been getting some quality sleep which sadly is quite difficult with terrible pain. 
Sweety it seems it's really bad getting up from bed, I was wondering could an option be to sleep upright on the lounge. Maybe pack pillows gently under & around your arms. And could you have something there to put your feet on to seem more like laying down. 
 It's so hard knowing you're going through so much there alone. I'd be there if I could hun you know that eh.

SO much love and care sent down our Golden chain into your heart sweet friend. 
Hold on darlin you're doing so well in hard times. 
Always thoughts sweetyheart. 

‌‌‌‌

[Ggrand]

Hello mmMeKitty, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and everyone..

Thank you for your caring posts…

I had my injections yesterday, one in each shoulder…Oh what I was so scared of…it didn’t really hurt, just felt uncomfortable when the Dr pumped the steroid into my joints..felt like someone running their finger over a bruise…

The past few weeks before I got my injections….I was getting extremely worse by the day…my left hand fingers felt tight sore and I was unable to move them much at all…, my right leg would give electric shocks down it hen I tried to bend it…and hurt with each step I took, even sitting/laying down gave me no relief…to try and pick anything off the floor, just impossible….I was very suicidal…and preparing for it….BUT…THEN…

I had those injections, within an hour my left hand fingers felt normal, I could move my right arm without much pain..my left arm, my left arm and right leg still hurt…after a few hours, the pain in my right leg, I noticed started to ease..my left arm I could move with pain, but not the intense pain I had before….I went to bed and slept 5 hours straight…the best sleep I’ve had for months….

This morning I woke up, with the expected headache 🤦‍♀️…right arm about 85% functioning without pain, left arm is still not the best, only about 20% functional without that intense pain hitting me….no right leg pain, fingers on my left hand strong enough to hold a cup of tea again and do everything I did before this struck me down…I see my specialist next month for possibly another 2 injections and a date for possible surgery..

Untreated rotor cuff damage can lead to tendinitis then frozen shoulders then onto further damage to connected tissues, bones and muscles…(something that I didn’t know)…but sure did find out about…

Things change…I’ve gone from suicidal thoughts a couple of weeks ago, putting it off each day to the next day…..to now looking forward to tomorrow and the next tomorrow….That’s something we all should try hard to remember….That THINGS DO CHANGE….AND CAN GET BETTER…We just have to hold onto Hope…..all the time..

My love, care and squishy hugs to everyone..❤️🦋🤗

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

That's wonderful news. So pleased the needles didn't really hurt like you were worried about. That is amazing that the first lot of needles has given you so much relief so quickly, I was worried it would take a series of needles before you had any relief.

5 hours sleep!! yay you!! Being able to sleep is so important, remember you can have a siesta each day just to top up your sleep hours if you need. Has you spoken to your Dr about the headaches? I would hope she might ok you taking pain meds until you get your shoulders etc sorted.

Gentlest of hugs

Paws

[mmMekitty]

Dear Grandy, that's a wonderful update! I'm so proud of you for the strenth of spirit you have, taking things day by day & despite your fears, havint the injections. 

Having hope & having information to use against those 'beasties' in our minds sure is wonderful.

I am so thrilled for you, I want to celebrate! [LRC beaming & purring, zoomies with joy]

Squishy hugzies to you, too!

mmMekitty

[demonblaster]

Hey there darling Grandy ‌‌💏 & lovelies ‌‌

Just managed to lose a post so here we go again. 
Grandy that's incredibly good news, so happy it wasn't overly painful with the needles and fantastic some of the pains subsiding already. What a relief that must be. 
Yikes that must have been scary the hand and legs having bad reactions too you poor love what you're going through. 

Oh that must've felt like heaven getting 5 hrs straight sleep. What a difference a decent sleep can make. No doubt many more hrs are needed to get back on track but what a great start eh. Happy for you darlin.

Very sad you were feeling that you wanted to end it. Pain can have as you well know an incredible hold on us mentally and physically. SO SO glad you didn't. Oh Grandy darlin it's a terrible place feeling that way. 
It's so good that you're now looking forward to tomorrow and the next day. 
That's an inner strength that surfaces and I"m SO glad it did. Well done Grandz love ‌‌
 ‌‌
Ok darlin be gentle with yourself & a pat on the back I reckons due for holding in there hun. Thanks goodness. You're so loved and appreciated by many here and rl.

Love you darling friend. Hoping healing continues daily. 

💏💜🤗

[demonblaster]

Hi there dear Grandy and all you lovely people 

Just popping in to see how you're going sweet lady and hoping sincerely there's still some marked improvement in your mobility. 

We don't realise do we just how much we have until something starts playing up. Making life incredibly difficult and depressing to say the least. I really hope you're still sleeping better too Grandz that makes such a difference in our mental state and physical too for that matter. 

I don't know if you're back at work yet which I imagine would be hard to do but good for the mental side if nothing else. If so I dearly hope you're staying away from the the heavy lifting. 
You've come so far Grandy love, I remember you being so worried about being out the front amongst people and look now how you're going. I'm so thrilled you're doing so well. 

I'm sending a lovely bright cheerful virtual piccy of a gorgeous sunny day with it beaming and sparkling on the water that's slowly and gently making little peaks then subsiding into the fresh water and spreading itself slowly around your feet going through your toes and making you feel completely warm grounded and happy. 
See that beautiful Yellow flower, that's for you and you can pop it in the vase that's bopping along behind it. 

Have a happy good thoughts only day dear friend. 
You so deserve good in your life darlin. 

Always deep love care and endless thoughts wishing only good for you. 
Take care every one too. Wishing happies for you. We all deserve goods in our lives, sometimes just allowing good memories can give us the ups we need to help us through the hard times. It gives us some balance rather than only the down thoughts.

Always care 😊 and appreciation

💏💪🤗👀💜💫🍫