Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello, Paws, mmMeKitty, Hanna, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, ecomama and everyone….🤗..

Thank you all for your beautiful supportive posts….they do mean so much to me.

I often think the same about my life…and how hard it is to comprehend what I went through…It’s hard to try and put it aside and try to live a normal*  life…It just can’t be done, no matter how hard I try….it’s always in the centre of my brain….raising its ugly head most days…yet life goes on and I try my best to hide the hurt my damaged soul holds…I think you understand what I’m talking about EM….survivors of DV and abuse…yes we are….but, forever fighting ourselves to try to forget and get on with life the best we can…DV and abuse long term has put fear into our hearts, and unable to fully trust anyone again….or the fear of being happy brings out the guilt we were made to feel by the abuser….is a very real product of it…one that is hard to ignore…but we do try..

I can’t help but worry about Ebony, she was born in my lounge room and captured my heart straight away…..she was the tiniest of the litter and was born with a heart murmur…..that’s one reason why I kept her…another reason was I just fell in love with her, something special about her.

I would love to sit and watch the chickens with you ecomama…chickens are funny creatures…when I throw my left over greens over the fence…it’s like everyone for yourself…clucking and flapping their wings😂..

It is very sad about the Queen passing…she was a beautiful strong woman…

I think once she’s back home it’s going to be hard..she needs to not run around for at least 6 weeks….I’m trying to make a small section in my lounge room closed off so she has no space to run around….if I can’t do that, I’ll be taking a few weeks off work….until I think she’s well enough to be on her own.

I hope everyone’s day is a good day…sending you all my love, care, hugs and gratitude…your all amazing people..♥️🌹🤗 🙏

Deebi, please don’t ever be sorry about posting….your a true and precious friend…and you always will be my bbff…I understand that at times, especially in mh, how hard it is to post…even though our heart wants to…it can be very difficult to put our thoughts and feeling into words….unconditionally L💙VE  you…

My kindest thoughts are with you all..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy.

[Hanna3]

Grandy, there are some very good dog forums, if you google, "prepatellar surgery dog recovery" or similar , you will find a couple of forums discussing the post op care and owner's experiences. People have some great suggestions. Most can do 5 minute walks on leash, some take the dog for car rides, they recommend chew toys and moving the dog from room to room with them.. Some people are very anxious like you.. I wonder if you might find reading the discussions reassuring and helpful? Just google around there are several of these.

I also find the vet nurses where I go are happy to help with concerns and they often know some good tips - could you go and chat to the nurses, they might be able to reassure you and they might have some helpful advice. 🙂🐩

[Hanna3]

Prepatellar surgery dog recovery dog forums - or pet forums - will get you to some good ideas Grandy - people do find keeping their dog from weight bearing much quite tricky... lots of good ideas though like car rides or a pet stroller - there are plenty of other anxious owners out there!!!!  I do find the vet nurses where I am often have a useful tip that the vet doesn't mention - so might be worth a chat to them if you are anxious.  We do worry about our beloved furs don't we!!!  hugs.

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Hanna…waves and hugs everyone…

Thank you Hanna…I had a look today at your suggestions and have found the writings on those pages to be very helpful….I will definitely use some of the suggestions there…

Thank you so much for your time and care….Yes lovely Hanna, we do really get concerned for our much loved pets…

Ebony sends you a fluffy hug..along with mine..🐕🤗🌹🤗..

Hugs everyone..

Grandy..♥️

[ecomama]

Dear Grandy, you are such the most precious soul on earth, truly. 
Keeping little Ebony because you knew she had heart issues and you knew you'd do anything and everything to take care of her. 

You have and you do. 
Please always be you Grandy. 

My Prayers will be constant on Tuesday for darling Ebony. Her recovery is worrying you, hopefully you can get some awesome tips on keeping her recovery on track. Miracles do happen. With an Angel like you looking after her, her whole life is a miracle! 

Grandy thankyou for your deeply kind words on my thread and here. I can barely see the keyboard for my tears atm. Hard days. 

Yes, my dear sweet friend, our lives have been soooooooo freaking tough. 
Yes the abuser's words often burst into my mind but they were all liars. 

We aren't anything they said. 

They saw us SHINE and thought "I want that", then tried to set about dimming our light and our lives. 
Did they triumph? 

Hell no.
At times perhaps, for a while.. 
demons like these cannot destroy Angels Grandy. 

We are scarred, we carry the burdens of their abuse but we rise like they never could. 

We KNOW love and can express love. What a BLESSING.

I've been Praying both the Serenity Prayer and the Full Armour of God Prayer on repeat today. 
We're getting through Grandy, that's all we can do. 

Love always
EMxxxx

[Hanna3]

Grandy after the first few days of recovery you might find yourself picking up Ebony and carrying her into the car and onto the car seat with the windows down so she can put her head out, and drive her around so that she can enjoy the sights and smells and the breeze on her face! 🐶🐕🐩💞

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

Just popping in to check on you & Ebony... Woofa sends her feel better soon slobbers

Hugs & gentle ear rubs from me

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hi Paws, Hanna, ecomama, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and everyone……🤗..

I wasn’t allowed to see her after work yesterday….but the vet told me she is doing really good, and if she is doing okay tomorrow (which is now today) , I can bring her home this afternoon….her fur mumma, has been fretting for her….first time ever they have been separated…..big fur mumma kisses when I bring her home😁…

I asked the vet surgeon for written instructions for her care…telling me will only go in one ear and out the other…need instructions written down…..

I am so grateful for VetPay…otherwise poor Ebony would still be in lots of pain…no doubt she’s in pain now…but that is being controlled by cold packs and meds….and will ease off in a couple of weeks….and she can run around in around 6 weeks time…The vet surgeon had to find all the ligament pieces in and around her knee..it had completely ruptured…then her placed an artificial ligament made of (I think he said nylon)…where the other one was…it’s wrapped around her knee joint to keep it in place….I can’t wait to see her and give her a little treat and lots of human mum hugs and cuddles…..

On a sadder note..my eldest sons family has 5 funerals to go this over the next 2 weeks….My grandson lost his bbff last Tuesday week along with 4 other beautiful children that were close to him….such a horrible tragedy…..I have been torn between going down to support them…or get Ebony’s surgery, done….but they told me that they need time to process and grieve all that has happened together and that they wanted Ebony’s surgery to go ahead….my heart aches for them…..Their community has pulled together with so much love and support for the families of those 5 children….🥲..

We often hear people say, how short and unpredictable life is…to love each other with all our  heart, never hold grudges….tell our family and friends that we love and appreciate them…as much as possible, because…..in a split second things can change….how very true are those words…

I hope everyone has a beautiful day today…sending you all my love, care and caring hugs..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🍃🕊🌱🌿🌳..

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy,

I'm glad to hear your dog has done well and I hope she is safely home with you tonight!  Yes you will be playing nurse for a while, but animals are amazing the way they recover.

Was that the awful car crash Grandy?  That was terrible, how do we get young people to understand the risks and dangers of driving fast.  I am so sorry.

Hugs.

[ecomama]

Hey Grandy, thanks for the updates about Ebony. How is she doing now? 

Prayers for her speedy recovery. 

Prayers for all those beautiful teenagers lost in a terrible tragedy. 
How impossible for all their families and the greater community. 
I'm grateful they're supporting each other. 

I'm sure your love and support and Prayers means a lot to your dear grandson, and your other family members. 

Thinking of you, 
Love EMxxxx