Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[ecomama]

Hey Grandy and the girl gang (gee gees? nah), 

Wow Grandy YOU DID IT! Even thru that awful weather too! Go you! 

What a brilliant set of circumstances helped this happen. Love this. 

Good you got to get the results so fast. Hoping the Dr has some good suggestions for where to next. 
Nice to have one perfect kidney! Nice lol. 

Now you're on the other side of that biggy. So happy to hear you treated yourself to cinnamon donuts and hot cuppas, perfect ending lol. 

Hey Paws, Hanna and all the other lovelies here, 
EM

[mmMekitty]

You, Grandy, & Betty, brilliant! Yes, indeed, in that horrible weather, too, well done the both of you!😺

Proud of you? I hope so, Grandy, that was a tough one, & you did it, full bladder & all!

I had to do something like that once, & had to get to the appointment by bus, stopping & starting & being jostled, too - they don't know how lucky they were that I managed to hold on... hehehe 😸

All the best for whatever happens next.

💖💖💖💖

Warmly, like hot chicken soup,

mmMekitty 

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, ecomama, mmMeKitty and everyone…🤗..

Thank you all, strange yes how the universe can intervene on our plans….Deebi, I thought about ringing her back up and telling Betty that I wasn’t going…but that would have meant that she would have stayed at my place for the day…..I do love Betty, and she does stay at mine on stormy windy nights, which is okay because we are mostly sleeping….daytime is harder because I need to keep her entertained and her mind of the weather outside….I was really proud of her on Thursday, she done really well…

It’s a long straight road, mostly the speed limit is 110 which is too fast for me even when the roads are dry……I was traveling along at around 80kilometres per hour….and was constantly overtaken by cars and huge trucks….spraying up lots of water from the road….luckily I had my window up…otherwise I would have gotten soaking wet☺️….the outside of my car got a good wash, and is nice and shiny again….I still need to wash of Paws’s little nose prints off the back windows though😂…

I don’t know the extent of damage (if any) caused by the cysts….the scanning Dr.  was kind enough to explain and show me on the monitoring screen what they were seeing…..I will get a full report and diagnosis when I next see my Dr….If it’s anything dangerous or life threatening…. I’m sure I will get a phone call from her before my next appointment…

I absolutely love willow trees, theirs a huge one just inside a property on the road to the town I volunteer in…I can only admire it as I drive past it….because their is no where to park…

I do want to go back to that town…..I haven’t been shopping for years…personal shopping that is…you know like Big W, Kmart, Best and Less…and that’s something I really want to do now, since I drove passed the big mall…maybe when the weather warms up a bit…

Im going to try and get some more sleep now….before the sun comes up….I did fall asleep earlier, maybe too early🤔…but need some more…

I really do hope that everyone has a good day today….

Forever big love Deebi, with my care and bear hugs..🦜💅🌹💙💕💙🧸🤗..

My care, love and hugs to everyone…🌹❤️🤗…

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy.🕊🌱🌿🌴..

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy and everyone here,

You did so well to manage that drive in such nasty weather - the storms wind and rain were very bad here, I didn't like driving in it!  I hope you get a good report on your health from the specialist.  

Could you take your friend along to that shopping mall in the other town one nice day?  You could have lunch together somewhere there, it would be a nice outing for you both, perhaps on a nice mild Spring day?

Grandy, I wonder if you would enjoy scrapbooking?  There was a group who used to do that in the town I used to live in on the coast, and they seemed to enjoy the social gathering and the work they did was beautiful.  I saw a DVD on it in the op shop here and that gave me the idea for you - I just looked on Utube and there are some good videos on creative ideas for scrapbooking.  Maybe you could think about doing that?  You could do it yourself at home, or with your friend if there isn't a group to join, or you don't want to be in a group?  Anyway, just an idea.

Sam had a wonderful play at the dog park yesterday with a caramel coloured cavoodle - but he's tired out today.  I did some grocery shopping but it's so expensive now isnt it!  Only a few things seem to come to so much money.

My car badly needs cleaning and vacuuming = such a big job!  Hugs from us here to you xoxoxo

(I can't work out - I only see your latest post on the page - I don't know what happens if I hit the left arrow - and there is only a row of dots to the right - and after that it starts at number 514.  I don't know how I see your post before this, or what others have said!

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

Oh well done lass doing that drive in such weather... & managing in the waiting room... I'm so pleased you rewarded yourself with a donut or two 😊 Betty wasn't the only one who done good. 👍💙

Umm I probably should admit there might probably be nose prints on the side windows too 👀... I was good though & cleaned off my muddy paws prints from the back seat... 

I love weeping willow trees too... growing up the neighbours had one right next to the fence so we had half of it in our yard... I loved being underneath it... I have the room here for one or two dozen but they are now classed as noxious weeds in Vic & so I'm not allowed to plant any... 😥

Hugs

Paws

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

Just popping by as I thought you might like a big friendly 🐻 hug (or two)...

I'm hoping your achy muscles are settling lass.

No pressure for you to reply... 

Gentle snuffles from Woofa

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Paws, Hanna, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and everyone….

Thank you for the hugs..🤗..

Tuesday was the anniversary of my late husbands passing….I went okay most of the day, keeping myself busy at the shop…Then on the way home….”Smoke On The Water” was played on our local radio station…then a sadness fell over me and I got quite emotional….I could remember him sitting in his music room, playing that song over and over again until he perfected it…he did that to so many different songs….I lit a candle in front of his photo and asked him again like so many other times…”Why”?….

On Monday an older reptile tank came in to the op shop…it’s really quite small as far as aquariums and tanks are…but I bought it anyway, not for reptiles or fish…I am going to try and make my first terrain….hmmm…some look really beautiful on you tube….I love moss and tried to “grow” it a couple of years ago….so I might try to incorporate some moss in the terrain….

I miss the weekly…well mostly weekly company of my former support worker…I seem to be going to work those 2 days and then spending the other 5 days not even wanting to go outside on my veranda and am closing myself up inside my home….I keep away from Mrs nsc as much as I can….unfortunately she is a very angry person with world….I don’t need to be listening to her anger…it’s to triggering….

Today is raining (which I like)….so I have candles burning and playing Leo Rajas’s Pan Flute mix….Tony WK suggested it to me years ago and I find his way of playing very calming…plus I love the gentleness of the pan flute music…

My aches and pains are slowly subsiding except for the pain that arthritis causes☺️…

Hope everyone is having a good snuggled up in blanket day today….hugs with my love and care to you all and your fur/feathered family members….🦋❤️🤗…

Hya bbff…SSS love sent along our golden thread to you……as well as a few bear hugs, my care and kind thoughts..💙💫💫💙..🧸🧸🧸🤗 🦋🕊💕🎀🐈‍⬛🐓..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy🕊🌱🌿🌴…

[demonblaster]

Hi Grandy 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and all🖐

Dear love how uncanny hearing that song of all ones to hear at that time. Geez that’s so sad and a very good question. Ahh Grandy yes indeed …why? Poor darling 🤗 such unfair treatment no one needs or wants. 
I really am so sorry for your pain and horrendous memories 💜

I feel sad that you’re not wanting to be on your veranda yet completely understand that and keeping away from Mrs NSC IS A REALLY wise move but not good being a prisoner in your own home. She certainly is a very angry lady by the sounds and no I doubt anyone would want to be around someone like that. 
Sounds like changing the direction of convo would be difficult too. 
Maybe we can do some virtual veranda time, we have SO many beautiful memories there and maybe we could have our lovely friends ther with us. 

Whenever I look at the stars ✨🌌 I think of you. We’re together admiring the magnificent show 💏

Oh darl that sounds amazing the terrium you’re going to do. Yes moss is amazing I like that too. Cool. And while I remember aren’t weeping willows absolutely beautiful. Here’s a home grown contribution hun with love from your 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 …🌵🌿🎄🦩the Stalk can be a deco. 

Leo Rajas that is so nice isn’t it. I’ll listen with you darlin if ok 🎼🎺 couldn’t find a flute drats. 

Grandy so lovely our 💫 Golden chain my sss.
You make such a difference in my life. For that I’m eternally grateful. 
Thank you for being such a beautiful friend and person. 
I always hold hope that one day we’ll be in rl 🌈🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜

Im still working mentally on your 🎁 my Gorky boys usually they come straight out but this is taking an age soz hun 😊

Love you ya know 🌸🌞💐

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy and EM, Deebi, Paws, everyone

I'm so glad you've decided to have a go at making a terrarium!  Some of the ones on Utube are amazing.  The reptile tank sounds perfect.  I thought it might be a nice thing to do at home.. to create a tiny, living miniture garden is such a lovely thing to do... I got a book from the library tonight on tiny gardens... some people create little scenes in a bowl of earth with little bridges and fences etc..

I don't know that song Grandy, but songs can have so much meaning for us.. I'm sorry it made you sad.  Mrs NSC sounds a bit like the ringleader of the nasty women's group here in the dog park - I think that the nastiest woman is very unhappy and she is always angry and gets in a rage - my mother used to get into rages so I hate that kind of anger... good to stay away when she is in that kind of mood Grandy!

I had to go supermarket shopping today - gosh fresh fruit and veggies are expensive - I want to make a chow mein and a satay chicken.. I get the easy recipes off Google - and tweak them a bit myself - I love that you can buy frozen vegestables already all cut up and ready to use now... so easy.  It's turned wintry today which I love of course... so it's good cooking weather.  

I am off to get dinner after talking about cooking!!  I spent too long browsing in the library, but on a wet evening it's a nice thing to do - and I get chatting with the library staff who are very nice here.

Big hugs, I hope feel better soon - do let us know how the terrarium goes!  Maybe you could turn it into a fish tank if you change your mind!  oxoxoxoxo

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy I'm trying to find where is the latest post where I can reply to you, I wish these new forums weren't so difficult.

It's so wet this winter my front yard is muddy and in the park in town there are sink holes forming, you can get sucked down to your ankles.

I hope Mrs NSC and the ladies at the store are behaving themselves! Keep warm. Little Sam has had a carrot warmed up in the microwave to gnaw on (he loves that!) and is asleep on the spot on the floor where he gets the most warmth from the aircon!

I hope you have your furs cuddled up next to you. I have my pot of tea and bikkies and I'm going to watch TV.... I quite like the cosy winter evenings at home - wish you could be here sharing the pot of tea and bikkies and chatting.... 🙂🐩💌☕🥧