Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[demonblaster]

Hi beautiful 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all other lovelies ☺

I hope you're doing as well as can sweety those migraines and the intensity you suffered take time to bounce back from.

Dear Grandy so hard being at your sons place. It must be quite an effort keeping it together poor love 🤗 I wonder if that stress bought on the 🤕 tho you mentioned the cooler mths and they do bring on a lot of arthritic pain too.

How's your health in general holding up precious? I imagine the bursitis is giving you curry too from the lawns. V. Painful.

Oh soz meant to say at mine thank you darlin re small cost for online game I haven't bought for ages going really well. Appreciate that ☺

😆 sounds like a plan the rolling thunder for our band. Good name for one too. We'll have to go easy on the drums with your poor head. Hope thats good again geez its hard work. I was up again v.early with a nasty 🤕 going back soon for more 💤

Hoping you're sleeping better now. Good you got some hrs at least. Glad you have an option to help there which Im guessing sooth the racing tortured mind.

Grandy love you're in my thoughts daily so often. The comfort and security having you as a besty bbff is so nice.

Thank you for being such a loving warm beautiful person.

You're loved by many precious soul 🤗⚘👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀🤝🐉🦄

Oh did I mention yAdimh sss puAbok 🍫🕊

Hope your days good hun ☺

[demonblaster]

Hey there 👩‍❤️‍👩Grandy and our lovely friends 💗

RUOK precious friend?
I know and respect there's no pressure to post & that's ok lovey if you're ok 🤗
If you're not sweety we're hear for you when/if you're ready 🤗

Our friendship didn't take long at all to deepen did it and turn into an incredible caring loving one.
You're the best of the best Grandz 💗 that won't change

You're in my 🗯 so often daily because of the beautiful person you are 💜

I've said it before and will again lovely one that so many rotten to the core people have/do treat you so badly and taken so much from you...but they didn't destroy/take or taint your beautiful soul 💜

You could have turned into a bitter horrible person as a result but you didn't!
The opposite...you have the biggest most pure heart with so much going for you maybe one day you'll see more of your true self ⚘

The strong love and compassion in your 💜 gives so much warmth & comfort helping so many people that are lucky enough to have their lives touched by you.

Your fantastic sense of humour hun is something else they 😡 didn't take from you my girl. Grandy we do/have so much fun 😀😂😄

So often I think of our times laughing hurting crying or just chatting and always being there for eachother. It's Gold 💛 hey they haven't got a pweddy Gold heart that's a shame so this'll have to do.
I sprinkled some invisible (couldn't find it 😄) gold glitter dust that only sparkles when you look at it sweetyheart

Darl there's SO much more to you that I really don't know how to word.
You know when to say things. I think integrity's the what I'm after.
So much comfort in someone not only caring but understanding too

You're an intelligent lady Mrs Grandy love I'm learning a lot from you in many ways. Another thank you ☺

Anyway my darlin I'm repeating this because I know which is such a shame you can't see it but a reminder it takes mammoth courage and strength of character to keep all your beautiful qualities 💛

So yet again I maintain & think others that know you would agree these wicked disturbed people that have taken you down to indescribable places leaving horrendous pain with your mental health... they didn't break you as such

You came out on top by continuing to be such a beautiful person. YAdimh sss 💫

Thank you for being you my gorgeous & for being such an awesome bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤗

PubAok 💛🤝🦄🕊💗

Deep love from your 👩‍❤️‍👩 Deebi 😚

[mmMekitty]

Thinking of you, too, dear heart, Grandy. My heart, gentle hugs & whatever strength I can give you. Here to listen when you want to talk.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

mmMekitty

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Paws, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, mmMeKitty and all...🤗..

Thank you all for caring....

I’m okay...I can’t get over the feeling of being judged by something that another poster has said about my words on another thread a couple of weeks ago...It really hurt...I was only trying to help this person...,but apparently my words could have hurt other posters....I must have said bad, because the mods have taken my post away...now I’m questioning myself and deleting, rewriting, editing, deleting, rewriting... just about every post I write...

I never mean to hurt anyone...just want to help people...I never heard of the descriptive word that was used to describe my words...when I looked it up...I went down pretty quickly....thinking, that they think I am this horrible type of person..

I have my Cardiologist appointment tomorrow and Thursday...So I think I’ll go to bed after a quick cuppa tea...

Will reply properly my dear friends...just need a bit of time..

Thinking of you bbff...love and care so much for you..💙🦄🦋..big hugs precious friend..🧸🤗

My love, care and hugs everyone..you’re all beautiful people...💚🦋🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy dear lady, and everyone

I'm sorry you're feeling down.. I think sometimes typeface is difficult as the reader doesn't see facial expression or hear tone of voice, and so what we've written can be misinterpreted.

We all know you are kind and caring and would never mean to hurt or upset anyone here!

I don't know what or where this was, but try not to be too upset. I think this sort of thing can happen on forums like this quite easily.

I am on another forum and I've seen someone leave what they meant to be a joke and someone else has misinterpreted it and taken offence, and then the poor person who left the joke has had to apologise and explain! It happens to us all I'm sure.

Hugs and I hope all goes well for you tomorrow 🙂🤞💐💝

[demonblaster]

Dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩🤗🤗🤗

Ah darlin that's awful. It really does sting badly especially that you NEVER intend to hurt anyone I don't think you have a bad bone in your body. You're hearts pure was just saying that to Mr Deebi 😍

Absolutely whether esp being a CC/ VC or not it's very clear that you're about helping people Grandy and care deeply.

Geez hun I'm so sorry that's happened,. Is there anyone when you're up to you could talk to here about it..I often wonder how you're going being a CC but unsure if that can be talked about.

I've heard along the way if we have a query to contact bb.

modsupport@beyondblue.org.au

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/about-us/contact-us

I'm unsure which might be the better to contact if you feel up to it.

You probs know the adresses. If I have them wrong happy to be corrected by anyone ☺

Dear sweet lady I sincerely hope this can be sorted out.

Thoughts and best wishes always esp for a good report from the cardiologist our dear friend. It's comforting hearing they seem to keep a good check on you.

Thanks for opening up lovey that was probs hard 🤗 and yes take as much time as you need hun

Love you big time sweet Grandy always 👩‍❤️‍👩💜

Always your bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜 nigh night darlin ✨ I'll tuck you in and am right there with you in spirit and mind 🗯 as always ☺💫⚘🤝

[mmMekitty]

Dearest Grandy,

I'm so sorry that's happened, & like me, you feel it so deeply. Yes, I've had my words judged & taken away in the same way, for the same reason. It shakes me up so that I question every word I think to post for several days, & I feel I can't be as 'myself' as I try so much to be. I find myself questioning what I am about to post, with the thought in mind that 'my needs are not as important as are the needs of more vulnerable people' so I can't have the discussions I would like to have. Once again, I have to take a back seat.

However, I do like how it feels to think I sometimes have helped someone, just being here, so I try to be here more again, after a week or two of being 'quiet'. Withdrawing isn't good for my mental health.

That I refuse to leave BB entirely is a sign to me that I am more resilient than I once was.

& I realise some people here mean a lot to me & Grandy, you do mean very much to me. Your kind & caring words, even to others, when I have read them are as a warm hug. I think you are a wonderful participant within this community, exemplifying compassion & generosity of spirit I don't see nearly often enough in the world.

Take some care & compassion for yourself, dear heart, Grandy, & time too, as you need. I'll be here for you.😸

No matter where we are, no matter what we say or do, there are going to be people who do not understand us, or how we express ourselves. We might try to reframe what we say, in different words, or at some other time, & still not be understood,& our intentions may not be as clear to them as we imagine. Human communication, I think, surely is one of the most complicated things on this planet.

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️You & your furbabies.😺

mmMekitty

[Paw Prints]

Dearest Grandy,

Lass I'm giving you the biggest most comforting hug possible. 🤗🐻🤗

Of course you feel bad that someone was upset at something you wrote... that shows what a kind, gentle, compassionate, caring soul you are... you would never intentionally say or do something to hurt another...we all know that...

Unfortunately because the forums are just written words sometimes people read them in a way that isn't how we meant them... I think most of us who have been on the forums for a bit have had that happen... & if the other person doesn't even try to see that we meant to be kind & helpful & gets upset by our words... yes that really hurts... they could/should have replied simply querying what you meant rather than assuming.

Lass there is a number under your avatar... it is a very big number... look at it... look at how often your words have helped people without being misunderstood... (yes I include the posts to the games as they help others too)... you have given so much to so many here...

Love & hugs dearest Grandy (& his Woofiness sends nose bops)

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello...Hanna, 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Deebi, mmMeKitty, Paws and everyone.🤗

Thank you all for your kind and caring posts...Your words have helped me....I am so very grateful for having such beautiful people in my life...

mmMeKitty....I could never leave BB...it’s a huge part of my life....a part that I can’t be without....here feels like family to me...a beautiful caring wonderful and amazing family....even though none of us, might never see each other...that doesn’t stop the deep caring feelings that does grow from our words to each other....words that come from our heart and soul....

Deebi...I know you’re waiting for my Cardiologist report...So my precious friend I’ll tell you....My heart is still doing it’s job... a bit more off rhythm at times.. quite a few ectopic beats...but no worse then 6 months ago...Next appointment is end of September...

Not sure what else to say right now...I get embarrassed when people say nice things to me...gee I’m glad you all weren’t here when I read them...l think my face went more redder then a beetroot....and cried enough tears to fill ocean.....Yes I do blush...☺️...

One thing about having a caring family, whether in r/l or here on the forums....is that it gives us strength...and a reason...to fight to stay afloat...

Big time love, care back to you dearest bbff..💙🦄👼🌹..24/7 💭and 🧸🤗...🕊🌱

Much love, care and hugs to to you all..💚🦋🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🕊🌱🌿🌳

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy and everyone,

Deebi - I hope you are slowly feeling a bit better, it sounds as if you have been in the wars a bit lately dear lady!

Grandy - late today I popped into the local Op Shop looking for a cushion to suit the new armchair which came today to put in the sunny little reading nook I have put together here... there was a lovely lady volunteering there and we had a lovely and interesting conversation... so often the ladies there are not very friendly.. this one was delightful... what a difference you can make to people's lives when they come into your store if you are friendly and welcoming!

Years ago I was in O town in the op shop when a group of nuns came in, they were visiting a while from an overseas country that was very hot - and as you know, O town gets extremely cold, and they were brouht in to find some warm clothing for them for winter.. I have never forgotten how kind and helpful the staff were towards these elderly nuns - it was marvellous to see the trouble the volunteers went to, to find the sisters warm cardigans and jumpers - because of course the Sisters have no money themselves.. the Sisters also seemed very kind and a bit overwhelmed... so you see, you can make such a difference in people's lives by doing the work that you do at the store!

Big hugs oxoxoxoxo