Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[demonblaster]

Dearest Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone ☺

Oh your poor son still going through such pain. It'd be a worry hun. You're a beautiful person and I've ever doubted for a second a beautiful loving mother

What you go through is just terrible Grandy. I'm so glad you have a lovely sounding Dr that's doing right by you. Good girl doing as she's asked that's self care stepping in.

I hope it in time becomes easier to be going as in leaving the house and being around some people. You have strength and courage that I know you don't see sweet Grandz but we do precious lady 🤗 oh pop that hug in your purse hun it'll help when it gets hard. You'll feel the strong love security oh oh and I popped in it's 💓 that'll transfer to yours a stack of happy memories. Beasties scared of anything happy the big sooky la la.

Grandy I think if anyone can it'll be you that can give him reason to see the Dr.

Was and do wonder how your general healths going lovey. Has the bursitis settled in the hip and mainly hows your heart health. Questions but only when/if you feel like talking about huns no pressure.

It wouldn't help hearing about the goings on at work. I feel a little comfort from hearing that, that it's not only directed at you. Very small comfort in a rotten situation.

Not sure if I mentioned if they're not volunteers they might be resentful having to work. If they are with luck they'll move on. Clearly something not good in their lives and they're making it hard for those around them. I'm refraining here you realise aye 😅 Anyhoo I dearly hope there's improvement along the way.

Kudos pushing yourself to go to work hun. Another example of determination and grit. Power to you our Grandy 👍it's admirable my girl.

I know I say this often but it's true from the day I first met you here which is one of the top things in my life you keep trying even when as you mentioned above, in the past it's all gotten on top of you, you always get back up and keep pushing through.You're a survivor Grandy. Seeing you become stronger even if only in trickles which isn't quick enough eh but it's happening which is absolute Gold. I loved hearing you say you won't let it get you to that low again. Same I'm not going back there. We know too well how hard it still is but that strength we're building not only will save us it'll get stronger in time.

PubAok bbff 💜👩‍❤️‍👩💫🗯 so happy we're doing this together. Safe trip lovely one 🤗😚 be nice being with loved ones 💗 Best wishes for your dear son 🤗

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Croix, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws and everyone....🤗.

Thank you all for your beautiful and caring posts...

I arrived at my youngest son’s late yesterday afternoon...he was still at work for another hour....big hugs when he came came....(with a few tears from me)....He works today..(half day) then home for the long weekend...Sunday we are going to my eldest son’s for a lunch bbq...then I will stay their for a night then back to my youngest son’s place....I haven’t mentioned Drs yet...but will later on gently bring it up...I can see he is struggling sometimes with different types of movement...His burns have healed well...and he has no pain from them....

Deebi....my physical health is okay...not great but I’m managing okay...Since I’ve had the booster, the hip/leg on the bursitis/arthritis side is giving me a fair bit of ouchies...coincidence or the colder weather I’m not sure...my heart is on some days is completely normal and I’m un aware of it pumping away....then other days I feel every beat of it...I see my cardiologist on the 28 & 29th of this month....for a 24/7 halter monitor again...

I quit Tuesday’s at work...Then the boss rang me...and talked me into going back.....right now I’m so very angry with me...because I don’t want to work on that day and I couldn’t say to her...no I’m not going back....What is wrong with me...that I have to please everyone except myself? Will I ever learn?...NO!...I don’t think so...

I am pleased that I did drive down to my son’s place...feels good to have people to talk to and eat with...Oh and the hugs....How good are those good morning and good night hugs....nothing compares to them....

I will now have to go home before Anzac Day...because of me saying I’ll continue working on Tuesday’s....my bad to me...again..

I hope you’re all feeling better then okay...it’s sprinkling her...wow when you walk on the grass it’s sloshy...with so much water in it....

Deebi....I will pop over to your place today/night...Pubaok...we have to be....don’t we?...24/7 thoughts of care 🕊🌱..dearest bbff🌹💙🦋🧸🤗..

Sending you all my love, care and some hugs...💚🕊🌹🦋..

🤗Grandy..

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy (and hi to Deebi, Deebi I hope you are all right, I know you have suffered some terribly sad losses recently dear lady)

I am glad you got to your son's safely Grandy, and it sounds like you are having a lovely time, I'm so pleased for you! Enjoy it all and make the most of it! How are your furs managing, are they happy there too, I hope so!

See how you go with the Tuesday at the store, if the boss persuaded you to stay she must value you, and that says a lot. Well done you!

Beautiful Autumn weather here at last and the trees are all turning, it's beautiful.

Waves from me and little Sam xoxoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Hanna, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws and everyone....🤗..

I’m driving back home tomorrow...a bit anxious but okay...

I did gently persuade my youngest to get his stomach check out...according to his surgeon he is healing good...the amount of damage done to him in that area will take a round a year or so to heal completely....because he had a large hole burnt through his abs....takes a long time to heal....completely..

I spent a couple of days at my eldest son...on Sunday afternoon all his children (5) came to visit for a bbq...I got to see all his children together...and play with my great grandson (2yrs old) for the first time...he is so cute...I enjoyed myself their...my eldest son does ask so many questions about his dad....which gets me down by feeling guilty that his childhood was traumatic for him....when I could have done something about it had I been more brave...To see him interact with his family is so beautiful...I am so proud of the person he is...

While I’m at my youngest son...I feel more comfortable...he has made my visit happy and enjoyable...they both have....It’s really nice to be with family...my grandson (youngest son’s son)...is like most other young teenagers...connected at the hands by phone/iPad it computer😂😂...

My fur babies are really good in the car...they lay on their beds in the back seat and when I stop..they poke their tiny faces up against the window for a look....They have been playing with my son’s dogs and having fun....Feel a bit bad that I’m taking them away from their playmates tomorrow....but I really want to be home now....I miss the quiet of my home....here their are cars, trucks and bikes constantly driving past..sometimes very loudly...and people...so many people around the streets...it’s very noisy day and night...

The only reason they want me back...is because the day I left Tuesday’s...so did Betty and that days co-ordinator...they can’t find anyone to work Tuesday’s and have no one to run the shop on Tuesday’s...I start back next Tuesday.....I’ll give it another try...Betty said she wants to come back as well....only if I return....Work really is playing around with my mind...

I hope you all had a nice Easter....and are feeling okay..

Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...I will try to pop over to yours before I leave to go home...not much alone time here with family around, to be able to talk here...loves goes deep dearest bbff..💙🦄👼🐣🧸🤗..

Sending you all my love, kind thoughts and hugs...💜🦋🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy, wave to all,

It must be a relief for you all to know that your son's wound is healing well & it being painful isn't a sign of anything wrong...

I'm so happy for you that you have had a lovely time with all your family... I don't think you should feel guilty about your eldest not asking questions about his dad... if/when he needs to I'm sure he will... that he is being a good dad himself is wonderful & that is the best thing you could want for him...

I can understand you wanting your quiet at home... we do get used to being able to hear nothing much but the sounds of nature around us... I could never go back to living in the city.

Huggily hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy and everyone

It's evening and I'm only just home... I think the lovely sunny weather might be over .... were you at the store today Grandy... I'm losing track if you meant today or Tuesday next week... I hope it goes/went well for you..

It sounds like you had a lovely and useful trip away... I think it's good if your eldest son is asking about his father, that shows he is thinking about it all and trying to understand whatever happened.. much heathier than keeping it to himself...

I'm so glad you had such a nice time, and that you're home safely, I do admire you doing all that driving on your own - and the furs sound good as gold..

I bought some more tea light holders at the op shop today - looking forward to lighting them tonight and seeing what colours and patterns I get... they're so cosy in the lounge room..

Little Sam got rumbled by a couple of big dogs today at the park - it was his fault, he was growling at them - he ended up hiding under my chair - the others helped pull the big dogs away - quite exciting, he is fine and it was quite an experience. The dogs were just playing, sometimes the young ones can get a bit boisterous for him!

Best wishes about things at the store, hugs. oxoxoxox

[demonblaster]

Hi Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 Pawsy 🐾Hannah 🐕 and all 👋

Sweety please dont worry about replying at mine I'm well overdue Id rather you enjoy your time with the fanily I'm so glad you've enjoyed it too.

Well done re son wow the poor guys gone through so much thats a lot of healing time crikey. Good report is fantastic.

Sweety I'm so proud of you not leaving the whole of the job. I'm hopeful she just may pull her head in now. Good one Betty leaving too. Ha they need you. Anyhoo if she keeps performing you know what they can do eh. Good on you.

Sorry I didnt get back earlier it's been pretty full on lately not in a bad way just getting a lot done which is good and social too. Should settle more soon.

Hope your drive was smooth and yes good on you making that big trip too. Loven the furs were good in the back seat the darlings.

Hope you're ok lovey. I really do think you're being too hard on yourself hun you were in a terribly hard situation and I have no doubt you did your best.

Dear Grandy you're in my thoughts 24/7 I feel so incredibly lucky to have you in my life. You've no idea how much comfort and yes 😢 oh hun I wish so much. You're a beautiful person dear friend. Bestest of the bests 🤗😚👩‍❤️‍👩💜💫🗯 really love you,did I mention that 😉

PuAbok hun you mean the world.

Honestly darl no hurry at mine just get yourself nice and relaxed sweetyheart you've done really well.

Nigh nite lovely people I'll catch up at your threads over the next few days ☺

Night Grandy sleep well my gorjy 😴💜

[mmMekitty]

😹Oh good! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️I find you all here!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️Grandy❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️, DB❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️, Hanna ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️, Paws❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ & Croix ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Gotcha all at once!You've all got a window-sill warm & toasty mmMe purring & purring with all the little red hearts I could give you!

I love to at least come & read how things are, how you all are so kind & encouraging, so caring & supportive. I feel better for having read the conversations between you all, in whoever's thread where I find you.

Thanks so much for being here. 😻

mmMekitty

[Ggrand]

Hello Paws, Hanna, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Kitty and everyone..,🤗..

Thank you all for your caring and beautiful posts...I am not home yet..was going to leave today...but my old nemesis anxiety decided to chat to my brain uninvited....and I’m sitting here, car packed...but me not ready yet to go....My plans now are to go tomorrow morning 😁...As much as I love my children....I just want to be home...

The lady...that was causing all the drama on Tuesday...put her notice in after me and Betty....unlike us two she is not coming back to work on Tuesdays....but still will on a Wednesday...so hoping that Tuesday will now be a bit more less of hassle/anxiety...My first day back is the day after Anzac Day...I’ve had a couple of weeks off now...

I can’t accept that I done my best...That part of my life saddens me greatly...and has a tendency to haunt me at times, especially when I see beautiful loving families...enjoying their lives together in harmony and love...I don’t dwell on it, but it still strikes me down at times...The questions asked by him...do make me feel so guilty when I answer them...when I listen to my own words...I do sound so pathetic...and full of excuses...

I hope you enjoy your tea light candles Hanna...they really are pretty with the lights out at night time...Just be careful dear Hanna, that you don’t fall asleep with them alight...

My fur babies have been so good... I think they are missing their home and regular routine as much as I am...I am pleased that Sam is okay....My son has a young pup...a Jack russel x something...(I forget now)...wow she never sits still and wants to play with my girls, mostly when they are trying to sleep!...

Paws..it was/is a relief to know that my son is healing as he should be...he just needs to be patient and careful until it does heal....

Thank you so much mmMeKitty for the red hearts...and for you popping in to visit and have a chat....Please do so whenever you feel you want to...We are all here for each other....

Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...Thank you for understanding and what you said about me popping in to yours....I do feel a bit slack though...I am finding it hard to post...in different surroundings...but you are always in my heart with love and care beautiful bbff..💙🧸🤗🌹🦋🕊🌱...

You are all a part of my daily life...and I care deeply about you all....I do hope your days are good ones...

My love, care and hugs dear friends....💜🦋🤗🌹.

Grandy...

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy,

Better not to drive when you are feeling so anxious - I'm sure you will do fine tomorrow, and you and the furs will be glad to be home and back to your own routine, after a lovely time with family.

I have no doubt you did your best in your past with a bad husband.. you survived to tell the tale and I'm sure you did the best you could with your children. You don't need to keep berating yourself when you did your best to survive it all and raise your children.

Lets hope Tuesdays are much better now! The sad thing is that that woman, who is of an age where she should be setting an example to younger ones, behaves so badly. She's not alone - there are a few nasty women in that group in the dog park here - and because I chatted in the group to the husband of one of them about the city traffic (I would have thought that was harmless enough!!!) one of them pulled a face and gossiped, and next day they all walked out of the park and shunned me and little Sam as soon as we walked in...

Then a friend of mine brought in her bigger dog who is very scared after she was attacked by a dog - and two of the women yelled abuse at her for bringing in an over-size dog, even though she is sweet natured and frightened... my friend told them off... I told them there is a war going on overseas, and people are being killed, and to get a perspective - but that didn't stop them! So now my friend and I go to the other dog park! Groups of women can be a real problem. There is no excuse for that kind of behaviour in women who should know better.

So best wishes for your journey home, and hugs from me and little Sam oxoxoxoxo