Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[demonblaster]

Hi dear bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone ☺

Hey sweet lady I'm glad the christening went well but what a shame although well done to you staying there about the after party. Dear lady it doesnt at all sound that it would have been comfortable. Geez I feel for you 🤗

What on Earth has gotten into that lady. That's what I thought was she was nice. Wow not now aye. Those people there where you live mostly sound quite blaghh Grandz love.

I too as our Hannah said am so happy how you've been doing at the shop esp out front is fantastic. Loven you and Betty have Mondays. It's all sounding off balance though isn't it with her. I wonder if you could say "are you alright" you seem stressed or similar might jolt her out of it and it's not confrontational.

Grandy I've got most of the rewriting the passwords done and since hearing of my beautiful mil have been playing the cheap game I've been in the past spending a lot of time. Had about 1&1/2 - 2 or more wk break. So not long though and I'll be starting our motivation thingy- mmm secret ...something for you beautiful friend 💗

Darlin hows your dear Pumpkins goin?

That was so nice you going over to mrs nsc you're such a beautiful kind caring lady. Easy to love too ☺

Hope todays lovely and sunny for you and that you can spend some veranda time looking at that gorgeous sounding gum tree and maybe see some cows hopefully and listening to the gorgeous birdies.

So much care and deep love precious soul. PubAok yAdimh sss. Oh and thank you so much for your beautiful support. Bbs lovely one 😚👩‍❤️‍👩💜👀👂🤝💗💫🗯

[Ggrand]

Hello Hanna, 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Deebi and all....🤗..

Hanna, yes she was a nice person before she went on leave...Now she is so bossy, sits on the stool all day next to the till...giving orders to me and Betty to do this and that...make morning tea/wash up...find some dresses outback...price them and hang in the shop...it just never ends...

But not today...she rang in sick...My bad...I was relieved, even happy that she wasn’t coming in....sad that she was sick...but happy because I didn’t have to be bullied today....

Pumpkins are still growing..a couple must weigh around 2-3 kilos...I promised Mrs nsc, Betty, Mrs nsc friend who I like and myself a pumpkin when they are ready...

Oh I have some happy news...My brother is coming to mine on Friday, only staying a couple of days at mine, before he goes back to his old town..to help organise and get his 3 cars onto a car carry truck for transportation to his new home in top of Queensland....Looking forward to seeing him so much....then it will probably be many many years before I see him again😢...I am grateful that I will be able to spend a couple of days with him....before he permanently moves into his forever home...

I’m very curious...about your motivation thingy...and can’t wait to find out about it...Well done with your re writing and passwords....your doing really well..I am so proud of you, precious bbff...love you heaps 💚🧸🤗..dear friend...I was getting a bit concerned..(I’m allowed to) about how your getting on after loosing your gorgeous mil...always here for you...here or your thread dear bbff..

My love, hugs and care everyone.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy,

That's good news about your brother coming to stay, how nice for you! I hope you all have a happy time.

I don't know why your supervisor is bossy, perhaps she has a problem at home and is feeling cranky/upset? If she is being like this to both of you, it just sounds like she has a bit of a problem at the moment - maybe she will settle down again eventually. Good that you had a break from her the other day!

Very hot here, we are having an easy afternoon. big hugs. xoxoxoxox

[demonblaster]

Hey bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 Hannah 🐕 and all ☺

Oh darls how lovely you'll have a couple of days with your dear brother. So happy for you. Sweety I wouldn't close the door on not seeing him again in yrs and I know that'd be hurting too very much. We don't know what's ahead hun. An opportunity may arise along the track and he also may come to stay at times too. Hold onto hope precious it holds a lot of power.

Don't blame you feeling good about her not coming in. Wonder what her problem is but thing is she's making it yours which isn't right. Real shame she's being a cow. You or anyone certainly don't need or deserve that rot.

Fantastic about the Pumpkins hun and so sweet giving them to people. You're a honey. Home grown soul food. I haven't done Pumpkin soup in ages. Mr D's not keen but I'll do a batch again sometime. Mostly when didnt have a car I didnt worry. Are you going to do a soup?

Always thinking 🗯 and loving 💜 you Grandy. Haha loved "cause I'm allowed" and yes you definately are. I'm ok sweety thanks. It's very sad. Constant thoughts & moments but have to keep on don't we. I pretty much have grieved her since my late love 😍. Not fair though aye hun. PubAok need and love you so much💫 👩‍❤️‍👩💫💜💫

Hope your days good beautiful. Oh are you still holding your breath for the 🎁, oh sweety it's definately come a bit further. Sorry so long honey some I have the ideas but get stuck.

Leaving a small bottle bursting out the seams with 🌞 light puffy gorgeous ⛅ untold 💜 (love) bundles of 🕊 (peace) laced with 🍫(choccy) and everlasting 👩‍❤️‍👩 friendship of the best kind.

😚🤗⚘🌱

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

Oh that is such lovely news about your brother coming to visit for a few days... lots of hugs for you... our very wise Deebi is right... don't worry this move will keep the two of you apart... visits are always a possibility... especially once the novelty of being in a new place wears off...

oooh!!! home grown pumpkins... yummmm!!! you are a sweetie sharing them... I have to ask.. what sort of pumpkin are they?... do they take up much room?... any tips to growing them?... I have very vague memories of mum trying to grow them for a few years when I was very little... but she did give up as I don't think they grew well.

I'm sorry to hear about the bossy lady giving you & Betty a hard time... given she was nice before I wonder if Hanna is right & she has things going wrong in her life which is making her cranky with the world... not that is any excuse for her behaviour... perhaps if she keeps it up you might gently say to her that you are concerned for her as she has not been like herself lately & just let her know you are there for her if she wants to talk... that is a non confrontational way to bring up her behaviour since she has been back...

Big hugs

Paws

[Ggrand]

Hello Hanna, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws and all...🤗.

Thank you all for your beautiful posts...

My brother msged me last night..he was on his way when his van broke down...umm he said it is the slave cylinder..going to take around 5-7 days to get the part and get it repaired....he towed it back to his...and now he won’t be coming for at least a month or 2 to collect his stuff from mine....his mate is going to load the 3 cars onto the car carrier and is taking the trip up with his other car....

How quickly excitement can turn to sadness...😢..

I did ring him today and he took his phone on camera and gave me a tour of his home and yard...he has lots of fruit trees...he had some with him to give to me..something called dragon fruit?...some paw paws, bananas and passion fruit all from his garden/yard....

I cooked a large pot of curry chicken with rice for when he got here tomorrow...one of his favourite meals...hmmm now I have had to freeze 4 containers of it...luckily I like it as well...

I hope everyone has had a good day..

If it’s okay...I will reply properly to your posts tomorrow or the next day....💜🌹🤗my brain isn’t working properly atm...

bbff...love that little bottle..I needed it’s contents so much today..so I opened it...thank you...love 💚 you heaps..big gentle hugs 🧸🤗...24/7 caring 💭...🌹👼🦄🦋🌷.

Sending my love, care and hugs to everyone...💜🌹🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy,

I'm sorry to hear your brother's visit had to be cancelled, you were looking forward to it so much I know. I hope you will get to catch up again later during the year.

The fruit sounds lovely, can you make a fruit salad with it perhaps? I'd love a recipe for the chicken curry - I cook and freeze in portions anyway, as it saves me cooking on other days.. and I can make and freeze a variety of dinners.

It's been an unusually warm and rainy Autumn so far - how is it your way? I thought a storm was rolling in today but it disappeared.. took Sam to the dog park late today where he fell in love with a young kelpie cross who was very pretty!

I am slowly decluttering my house as I would hate to have to move with much stuff - and it feels great to do it slowly... the bathroom and kitchen are looking so much calmer.. I follow a utube channel about decluttering, and a friend here I visited has a very minimalist home, it was too stark for me, but I like how clean and simple it was.. so I just aim at a calm, peaceful looking place ... I even declutted where little Sam has his food bowls..

Again I am sorry about your disappointment with your brother's visit... do you get yourself any nice things from the store you work in, by the way? I always think that must be one of the good things about voluteering there, that you get to pick out and purchase something you see that you would like/can use?

Sending hugs from us both here oxoxoxoxox

[Ggrand]

Hello Hanna, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, and everyone....

I was so very disappointed when my brother msged me about his car....I spent a couple of days in bed crying...I was so looking forward to seeing him....

I didn’t get the fruit because he had it in the car with him to bring down....I’ve never tasted dragon fruit, I have seen it once or twice though...my brother says it’s really yummy....

My chicken curry is very basic..nothing fancy at all..but will write out the recipe for you here soon....when I can...

Yes, I have bought a few nice things from the shop...A small picture of the sun setting with the caption “follow the sunset”...which I treasure...and is hanging in my bedroom..I like candles and wind chimes...if any get donated and no one else wants them, then I will buy them...

I don’t have much in my home...The last time I was in a ptsd down spiral I threw away and smashed most of my ornaments and lots of my clothes....I get so upset with myself every time I do that...buts it’s like they are all looking at me and laughing at me...ptsd really is the pits...and I haven’t learnt how to manage it...my psychologist said to me once...I’m trying to get the thoughts/ feelings/memories to go away, so I throw away things in my eye sight....I’m lucky I can’t lift my bed or lounge...or else I’ll have nothing to sleep or sit on..

I am going to make a cuppa tea now, then while I’m drinking it...I’m going to find a nice gentle story to listen too while I try to go to sleep for the night..

My love, hugs and care everyone..💜🤗🦋..

Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...I hope your holding up okay...eternal love dearest bbff...with hugs and my kind 💭 and care.,🕊🌱💚🦋🧸🤗🦄👼..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hey Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and everyone ☺

Just popping in for a chai yum latte and several huge 🤗 hugs and an 👂ear my gorjy.

Darl I'm sorry I didn't reply earlier about your brothers delay. Ahh sweety a big disappointment and I read somewhere how much that really affected you poor darling my heart sank how far that took you down.

Geez every day I wish we could be in rl 😢 know you're always in my thoughts 💜 and I'm virtually with you.

Hopefully in the not to distant future you'll have your quality time together.

The video house tour sounded good. I love living in the computer age where we can do video calls and the mindblowing stuff that's incredible now and no doubt in time will improve.

I'll be interested hearing your curry recipe. I'll tell youse mine later too.

That Dragon fruit I love the look and name of it. Heard it's lovely as well.

Sweetyheart I have to choof but I'll bee backkk LLLater 😆 being the key word but not too long &to post and at mine, Nothing like a bit of variety with the saying I can't shake...and probs drive people mad 😄Love it.

PubAok dearest friend. Loves deep and cemented for you hun 😚🤗

👩‍❤️‍👩💜✨🎁🌞🎀

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy, (and hello Deebie, I hope you are keeping OK dear lady!)

Last minute cancellations like your son not being able to come are upsetting Grandy - but you will be able to meet up with him in a month or two so it's nice you can look forward to that now!

What miserable weather for autumn - just drizzling and rather depressing! I bought two lovely summer tops today at the op shop which I will put away, as I have culled over half my wardrobe today and it's in bags ready to take to an op shop! Being a bleak day with the weather, it was a good day to stay in and get that done...

It's not so much clutter here as getting more organised - I have my refrigerator and freezer all orangised now and I never thought of doing that - it's so much easier.. and my clothes are all sorted. So I feel like I am achieving something!

I'm missing being able to walk Sam this evening, the rain has stopped but a bit too late.. you would have loved the dogs in the big dog park yesterday, we were having so much fun watching them all play - a couple of very big ones running around with the little ones... and a lot of happy dog faces!

I would love your chicken curry recipe.. I made an apricot chicken in the slow cooker and a savoury mince.. comfort food for this yukky weather!

Sending hugs your way and to dear Deebi oxoxoxoxxo