Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[demonblaster]

Hi dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all other good people 😊

Hey sweety heart wow it sounds like you have a stack of hard work ahead with the mowing phooey.

Please darlin take it steady. I know you want to get it finished but your health needs to take it at pace. Easy for me to say I know just want you to be ok lovely one 🤗

That's really good to hear about the co-ordinator Grandy what a relief and so much better working in a good atmosphere.
Really impressed with you how you handled it all. Mean it beautiful👍

The new girl should be pulling her weight. I'm glad she's nice but I hope you're not over doing it darl but I guess little choice.
It's part of her work.
Maybe later you might give her a bit of a nudge. Not fair you taking on the heavy load all the time Pffttt.

Yes I've heard of same a lot of things get 5 finger discount. Not good is it. It'd be hard seeing it too I imagine.

Yep something going on her not taking you for walks geez. Wish she'd pick up her act.
It might be she's not a walker but that doesn't help you.
I too am glad you have her but come on lady!

Sounds like you had a gorgeous day there honeyheart. It's lovely having that vibrant light coming in isnt it. Most of the time it's same here. So lovely. I need to get out been a bit slack lately but have to wait till the other foot settles. How's your hip and heart lovey and general physical health. And mentally? you sound settled, are you feeling ok sweet?

Always deep lasting love dear Grandy.
Always 🗯 pubAok yadimh lysvm

Take really good care my beautiful friend. You're an Angel don't ya know 🤗.

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯🕊👭💗

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy, hi Deebi,

I keep having computer issues these days, my laptop is getting old and my wifi keeps failing but I wanted to come by and say I haven't forgotten about you, just have to go on for a short time then switch off everything.. Grandy I am so glad people were normal to you...I'm sure many people who volunteers in these stores pocket things...

I hope you do get help/walks with your supporter... and wasn't it cold today - yesterday was more like summer - it's hard to know what clothes to put on in the morning...

Anyway just sending warm hellos to you, I will come by again excuse the rushed reply..hugs oxoxo

[Ggrand]

Hey Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...Hanna and everyone...

Its okay about work..I don’t mind..Working their has been a big eye opener for me..in the way that most people are really selfish with helping other workers...Why volunteer if your not going to do the required work...I mean it’s not heavy really..but it is constant all day...Then again we do sit down and rest on the small back dock..when we need to...

I have had a busy few days...The winds and rain ripped half of my bamboo screen down of my back veranda..I tried to put it back up..but couldn’t..so I took it all down..wow took hours getting the little nails out of the wood it was nailed to...The back veranda is like the front...full width of the house...After I took it down...it looked so yucky the support beams and the cross beams were painted in that super yucky mission brown...Years ago I painted my house green, with cream windows..,.I decided to get the left over cream paint out...and spent a few hours painting the beams...I ran out of paint with just the outside border of the wooden floor unpainted....Maybe next year I’ll finish it off...paint is to expensive with Christmas just around the corner....

I can say and mean it that it looks fresh..leaving the bamboo screening off has opened the veranda up...and brightened up the back rooms...Problem now is the hot afternoon sun heating up the glass sliding doors and dining room windows...Anyway...It looks fresh now..I did it and I’m pleased and feel good about myself accomplishing it..Mrs not so cranky...even commented on it to me...😁..

I don’t think I will ever feel safe enough to walk around on my own...so I may as well give up on that...and accept that my home is my sanctuary....it’s where I’m meant to be...I am beginning to think my mhw is only visiting me when she wants an extra afternoon tea....That’s okay as well..because at least I do get to see someone once in a while..other then my work colleagues....

I hope everyone had a good day today...

Deep love with care and big bear hugs bbff...💜🦋🐻🤗...

My care, love and hugs everyone..🦋💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy...

[demonblaster]

Hi there Mrs Grandy love 👩‍❤️‍👩 Hannah and everyone 👋

Yes unfortunately there's many people that don't have a good work ethic.
I agree why volunteer if they're not going to do the job. Frustrates me more when people are paid and bludge.

Loven what you've achieved huns. Good for you! You got really stuck in didn't you, so pleased you're happy with what you achieved.
Must be really refreshing seeing it so bright.
Sounds like a big job and you went as far as you could which is awesome good lady 🤗. It's so good seeing a result to something we've done isn't it. Good onya Floss 😊
And boom Mrs NSC commenting too.

How awful it must be feeling that way Grandy not being comfortable walking alone you dear love. That's so sad.
Another person not doing their bloody job! Grrr.

True you get to see some one. Good you're finding positives. I wonder if one day when she's there maybe say could we go for a walk.
I suggest keep at it hun it's an important goal. I'd love you to have that freedom.

I hope your health's holding up nicely for you Grandy sweet and often wonder how the vc is going for you. Quite ok if you don't want to talk about it.

Grandy love you're in my thoughts at a constant.
Love you very much soul sista 🤗 and dearest friend. Absolutely love our time.
Maybe one day in rl. Swod. Geez I hope so 😢

Take good care Grandy 😚
👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝👭🗯🕊

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy (waves to Deebi)

I love green and white houses, your home sounds lovely!

It's disappointing for you that your mh worker has been letting you down with the walks. I hope you get someone much better from the NDIS...

It sounds like you feel safe in your lovely little home, that's not a bad thing... and you like the countryside around you... I'm sorry you don't feel safe walking outside... I wish little Sam and I were closer, you would be safe with us and little Sam would love, love your company!!! (He loves people paying him attention).

I am worried about the heatwave coming up, I was hoping so much this summer would be cooler.. at least there is some shade from the trees this year - in the mornings little Sam and I go to the park near the river, it gets a bit of breeze there from the water... by lunchtime it's too hot...

I think lots of people who volunteer help themselves sometimes Grandy - but many people are honest and kind, don't lose heart.

Just wanted to send our warmest thoughts and hugs your way dear lady oxoxoxoxo

[Croix]

Dear Grandy~

I'm glad your supervisor was nice this time, I would imagine it would have helped.

Most people are a mix, some more desirable than others. I'm sure you would be surprised to see me take that view considering my previous occupation 🙂 Some are light fingered. It's the way some people are, self first, the possibility of being caught the only deterrent. Many wish to take advantage of their position. No you cannot report them all, it does not work without so may hassles as to not be worth the candle.

It will color your judgment of them however - and that is a good thing, it will make you value the straightforward and honest more.

Walking outside on your own sounds as if it has been something you would love to do but just can't. Maybe one day, when reflecting on the brave things your have already done, reporting the stolen eggs, stepping back in on the Tuesday, that you might find you have hidden reserves - just an observation of mine, a guess.

Croix

[Ggrand]

Hey Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Hanna, Croix..

Thank you all for your caring support....I really do appreciate you all so much...

But nothing matter anymore...it really doesn’t...

I don’t work their anymore...

Grandy..

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

You matter so much lass.

It's sad to hear you no longer feel able to go into work... I know how much helping others meant to you.

Lass I'm here for you... I will sit quietly with you on your verandah looking at all the beauty nature has to nurture our souls... you can talk about the things that are troubling you... or just sit quietly & feel the love & affection of all your friends.

Giving you a big gentle hug

Paws

[Ggrand]

Thanks Paws,

I went in to do my day..

My boss was in a bad mood..called me into his office..said lots of angry loud words to me..When he finished saying what he was saying...I grabbed my bag and went home..

Grandy

[Paw Prints]

Oh lass that is so very wrong...

I don't care how bad a day he was having... nothing could justify him behaving like that to you...

It's utterly impossible for anyone who knows you not to know you are a kind, considerate, gentle soul with the lovely ability to genuinely care about others...

Of course you don't feel you could go back... they don't deserve to have you... but I hope he at least has the decency to apologise to you...

Please Grandy if his using loud angry words triggers you or preys on your mind... lass will you call one of the services... I know how such things might give beasty entry to your thoughts... it's ok to call someone for support... perhaps it might be a good idea to contact your dv lady...

Love & hugs

Paws