Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[white knight]

Hi Grandy

Two days ago my wife shut herself away in our ofgice. Not an unusual event. Xmas present wrapping and the like.

Well dinner arrived and I'm the cook. She yelled out "I'll set the table" and out she came with a dozen placemats. See, she has adult colouring books. She laminated them! They look great and will adorn our xmas table.

These craft ideas and activities are healthy for us. With her mum in bad health with possibility of a nursing home it did indeed distract her mind.

I think the secret is to get more and more distractions as an idle mind falls in a hole

Tony WK

[white knight]

PATHS OF RUBBLE

(to our friend Grandy GG)

We tread a lonely path of rubble

Slip and hurt with the least of trouble

Then as we lie there in sorrow and pain

We pick ourselves up again

You lie there thinking “I’ll just give up this time”

In an age that you are in your prime

So don’t lie there too long or your heart will drain

Pick your self up again

Move your hand with your mind

Gather strength , all you can find

Raise your body with your spiritual chain

Pick yourself up again

And as the rubble becomes boulders and rocks

Raise your determination and your socks

And just as your endurance begins to wain

Pick yourself up again

There’s honour in everything you try

Just never ever say goodbye

Through courage and friendship and a lot of pain

You Grandy, will

….pick yourself up again….

Tony WK

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear WhiteKnight.

I'm sorry it took so long to reply to your post.

I'm really, not in a good way atm, but I want to thank you for this post.

OMG, WhiteKnight this absolutely blew me away, it took me over a dozen attempts to read the poem, every time I started to read I just cried, ( I still do ). just thinking about you doing this makes me cry.

I have no words strong enough to thank you, it means so much to me that you care, and you done this, it will be treasured always as you are,

I want to say more but I can't, Im hurting so bad atm, and my thoughts are all over the place, it's hard to concerntrate what I want to write.

Caring, kind thoughts.

GG.

[blondguy]

Good morning GG

Im sorry for not saying hello on your thread before. I hope you and your family have a Happy Christmas GG

My Kind thoughts and thankyou for being a part of the Beyond Blue Family too 🙂

Paul

[White_Rose]

Dear Karen

Is it OK to call you by that name? I saw it on one of your earlier posts and it sounds more friendly to use your name.

My heart goes out to you in your loneliness. I have lived alone for 17 years since my husband and I separated. A year later I fell into the biggest depression which just about blew me away as I had never had an MI before. In many ways I feel I was in the same situation as you. It's really horrible to feel like this and to have no one around to help.

I was working full time and that was a life saver. I had lots of sick days and was in hospital for a week during this time. So many of us know the depths of despair just like you. It's this vulnerability that's hard to bear alone. Did you manage to see your psych? I notice you have not commented on this and I wonder if you spoke to him. Please try again, it's so important to have help in your position.

I know how hard it is to get out of your house. I also know how much you want to see your family and at the same time feel overwhelmed by their presence and want them to leave. Such a horrible feeling. Three of my grandchildren are coming today to stay with me. It's become a tradition that they come and we go out to see the lights on the houses. We visit the winning homes and the children think it's great.

Last year I was in such a bad way I said I could not have them. My daughters understand but the children were disappointed. So this year I am determined to make the visit happy but I know when they leave I will feel relieved. Yes I say the same things to myself as you are saying and I feel mean.

Christmas is always a family get together and I always looked forward to it. Now I know I feel I need to wear that mask we all put on in times of stress but I will try my hardest to to wear the happy face. And I will enjoy myself very largely.

This post has been a lot about me and I apologise. I want you to know we hear and understand you. I know it doesn't help directly. It's meant to let you know you are not alone and you can get well again. It will be a hard journey, I don't want to pretend it's easy, but it can be treated. Try to think of all the people who have written to you and how they have survived. You can do it as well.

Please use this thread to keep in touch and say whatever you wish. Said it before, you will not upset anyone here by talking about the things that trouble you. Our reason for being here is to help.

Mary

[quirkywords]

GG

I just what you to know I am thinking of you and sending you a big hug.

I have been holding your hand on this journey and am still here.

Tony's poem was very moving. He is a very kind person.

You are so compassionate too thinking of others.

There are so many people here who care for you so feel free to tell us honestly how you are feeling.

From your very first post on another thread, I felt a connection with you,because you were so honest and kind.

Quirky

[Ggrand]

Hello Mary and Quirky, DB waves to you.

Mary, yes it's ok to call me Karen,

Thank you both for your very kind words. I really appreciate you Mary, Quirky , DB, WK, ( and everyone here) so very much.

Christmas is not a happy time for me, never has been, oh I love Christmas and the way it brings a lot of joy and togetherness for people and families. I'll be not going to visit my sons this year, I am still very uncomfortable in their presence, I'll stay at home. It's okay though because atm my thoughts are not good, they have gone so far down.

No my physiatrist is on holidays until end January, I saw my mental health nurse on Friday. I see my physiologist on Thursday.

I can't write what/how I'm feeling right now because it will upset you as atm liking me at all, kind of back where I was mid last week. But I'm safe. Please don't worry.

I really do appreciate your help so much, I've kept all this a secret from neighbour, residence in town and my sons and their families. It is hard to do it here by me alone but I will somehow. I have all you special people in my forum family talking to me and helping me, that means so much to me. More then you will ever realize. Thank you.

kind and caring thoughts only.

Karen (GG)

[Peppermintbach]

Hi GG and all,

I think it’s wonderful to see all the encouraging and heartfelt support you have received (and that you have given to others) 🙂

It sounds like Christmas is a difficult time for you. I suppose just do what feels right to you and if you’re not up to seeing others, I think that’s okay too. Gentle and easy does it in my opinion...

I’m very glad you are safe but I know you still must be hurting so much. The pain shows through in your words...

When it comes to disclosing and sharing, please don’t feel that you would be upsetting us. I feel that a key purpose of the forums is to share some of the pain (better out than in sometimes).

Having said that thought, there is zero pressure or obligation...just share what you’re comfortable sharing. I think that the most important part is you feel supported and comfortable with what you’re disclosing.

Caring thoughts,

Pepper xoxo

[Ggrand]

Hello Pepper, WK, WR, DB, and everyone else,

Blondguy, nice reindeer, Thank you for saying hello and your Christmas message, I'm wishing you all the best for you and your family for Christmas.

Pepper,and all. I've disclosed a little of my life on these threads, problem is it's making me see what I went through was for nothing. I survived when I honestly thought I wouldn't, I always thought I would be a DV statistic. (If you know what I mean). I'm thinking maybe I should have, then no painful memories etc. it's hard to stay alive and live like I am, it's more like surviving.

I agree that there are amazing people on this thread helping me, really beautiful people, it's because of these people you included I can feel people's care towards me, that's why I'm trying to see something beyond the now.

i have read a lot of replies on different threads by everyone who is standing by me and helping me. You have all been and still are struggling with MH, you have all survived and living life with more ups then downs, that's what I'm looking for. I just need to find a reason why I survived what I did, ended up in my option worse off now, and what is there to look forward to if there is something.

thank you all once again for your support and care. Believe me when I say you are all so appreciated and you have all touched my heart deeply.

kindness only

Karen. (GG). 🤗🤗🤗.

[white knight]

Hi Karen

Thankyou

The number of people that are dropping in here, all my friends, are hugging you.

You are crying uncontrollably. About time you said to yourself ots ok. Give yourself permission

Ill be hanging around during xmas...after I put rudolf in the stable...

Tony WK