Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[demonblaster]

Hi Coddy welcome

Sorry to hear of your pain

As well as what Sophie said about doing a thread you might find something helpful & or want to join in...

Thread. "Suicide...why not?" .. In suicidal thoughts section too. You may also find helpful scanning through other threads in same section.

Your own thread is good to have where as Sophie said others can support you & your space to talk it out anytime you feel.

To start a thread go to All posts, choose section eg suicidal thoughts, on top R) click on new thread do title then below post

A great caring supportive community here ☺

[quirkywords]

GG

no need to say sorry at all.

I am glad you spoke to BB and it helped.

Mary and Pepper and DB have said very helpful and comforting words.

You are strong and you have survived and you care for everyone. This is a safe, supportive place .

You help me by showing your compassion and humility.

Quirkyxx

[white knight]

Hi Grandy

Why am I proud of you? Because you know you go to a bad place, yet you spoke to bb. Thats great because like a ball bouncing those bad places come and go and we dont expect much in life but managing our down times is our goal.

Tony WK

[Ggrand]

Hello DB, Mary, Quirky, WK, Pepper, and everyone.

DB,..Your kind words made me cry, still crying 20/7...(love you as well DB)..I'm trying not to, but it's so hard..A lot harder then last time.

Mary.. Thank you for your suggestion, You have such good insight and knowledge with a lot of compassion, makes me not so afraid..I will try the colouring book, I have one here I got from Vinnies ages ago, I did try before but frustrated me with the tiny sections.

Quirky...Thank you for your kind words they are so appreciated and taken to heart.

Wk...Your poems, I really enjoy reading them, and have written them out into my journal..Thank you for being proud of me, that means a lot to me...I wish I could be..maybe one day I will be..

Pepper...You speak from you heart, calming just reading you post.thank you.

if I forgot anyone, this is for you as well.

Today was so hard to get through but, fine I think..the nights like now, well harder still. Sleep is still hard, to many thoughts racing around, I cannot quiet them, trying not to feel the thoughts but it's hard not to..

phys visit... she wasn't there so I saw my mental health nurse, who wanted to admit me to hospital, I refused, I can't go to hospital, I told her I wasn't alone at home... I didn't really fib, I have my 2 dogs.

A few times today I have re-read all your posts, it makes me feel not so alone..From deep in my heart I want to thank you all because at this moment you are all holding me up. I don't want to fall anymore, or any further. Tears are flowing because of all your kindness, I feel I don't deserve it..

DB, your doing it hard atm, please look after you first hun, don't worry about me.

Everyone of you here has MH problems, please take care of yourselves, you are all so very special people to me..

kindness only and healing thought to you all.

GG

[Ggrand]

DB,

I will talk to you later on your other thread, If that's okay but not just yet.

GG

[Doolhof]

Dear GG,

Just wanting to send you a big cyber hug. I'm sorry to read you are doing it so tough right now. If you did go to hospital, is there someone who could look after your dogs for you?

Distractions do help, I see you mentioned a colouring book, maybe you could have the radio on at the same time so your mind does not wander too much while you are quiet.

I like to think of a couple of distracting options. If I am unable to concentrate or become interested in one thing, than I have something else to consider.

This mornings options for me: Gardening before it becomes too hot, this forum, baking biscuits, reading, craft etc. I may achieve them all or just a few, at least I have options. I might even get out my colouring book when it is hot this afternoon!

Wishing you well for the day, cheers from Dools

[demonblaster]

Ahhh Grandy ((( feel these soul hugs hun )))

My heart goes out to you darlin it really does

How come you don't want to go to hospital darl?
Pro's. They can keep an eye on you, help you get sleep you so desperately need & psych counselling which yes I know you have trouble with face on, you could ask for a female like you did before, most nurses are female except murse's (murse, male nurse) & majority of nurses are in it for the right reasons, they care

You're at the point you really need to be looked after for a while to get out of the worst. Please consider Grandy. This is too much for you to do alone, we're always as you can see here for you but not enough at this stage. We'll still be here with you.

Please don't worry about me, honestly. I have "normal" to come. If you're meaning to talk to me I don't want anyone supporting me when they're doing it this hard, not that I don't appreciate it immensly, look after yourself first you dear lovely lady. If you mean to release, yeah go for it, anytime darl

The pain's so deep I know hun, what you don't realise & one day I hope to get you believing is you deserve peace because you're so worthy. If you weren't such a beautiful person people wouldn't bother with you...look how many love & care. Proof!

Colouring books, I started MIL (mother in law) on them, some like the one you have might be too hard, I use to pick the ones that had bigger pictures not so detailed. They are VERY good for mental health.

Hun the dogs as Dools said someone could look after them, the neighbour you spoke about once? the lady or what about contacting RSPCA, google. Would you like the numbers? they might be able to help or know where else. Alternatively the hospital could have avenues, that'd be something that would come up. Social worker could help in that area.

If you do go to hospital suggest ask to talk to social worker and see if they can get you someone that could visit regularly if you're wanting that or phone calls regularly for a bit of company without face on if easier.

Maybe writing your feelings down, & what goes on for you, yes I know it hurts hard,as you are now but to be able to give a professional to read because it can be hard to talk as you know or print stuff from here for them. Your call sweet, the more they know the more they can help.

Love lady xx

[quirkywords]

GG

Db and Mrs Dool, have written helpful suggestions and expressed themselves so well.

I want to send a big comforting hug and am proud like Tony that you are getting help.

Continue to look after yourself.

You wrote a long post to thank everyone when I know that would be hard.

You are sharing your thoughts with others and that helps those who are reading your posts but not able to write yet.

You deserve all the kindness please believe that.

KInd thoughts.

Quirky

[Ggrand]

Hello DB,

I know I should go to hospital, but I can't make myself do it. I just want to be on my own. I will be fine. To many people in hospital, to much noise, to much confusion. I don't know, I will manage. I see both physiatrist and physiologist, this coming week as well as gp.

DB, I just don't want anyone "fussing" around me. My dogs have never spent a night outside, and when I had to go to Sydney for that family issue, they done nothing but cry, annoyed everyone.

When my thoughts turn really dark, (it's still happening a fair bit). I read my note to my kids, it hurts like hell, but it gets me out of the darkness enough to be okay for a bit.

I hate this feeling, it sux, tears, tears and more tears, I will be fine, okay enough all ready, I need to go now. Talk later. I'm okay, but..

kind thoughts,

GG.

[demonblaster]

Thx Grandy for keeping us in the loop.

Can't force you aye as long as you will be fine which I think you speak the truth, haven't had reason to doubt anything you say.

Said on other thread think you may have found your reason to stay, loving your fire lady. THEY'RE NOT GOING TO TAKE ME DOWN ANY FURTHER , too right Grandy, then they'd win.

Let's hope this crying has some benefit to give you a better sleep tonight.

I'll still be around & listening, not sure how often until bit later.

Always close by though in thoughts and listening, you're one of my priorities here Grandy lady xx