Hi Karen,
I've learned over many years that the direct approach is nearly always the better approach.
Firstly, jealousy. you can try to analyze but you'll always be guessing. We can never walk fully in anothers shoes. So here is what I also am guessing
- That he once shared his love 50-50 with his brother...now its 33-33-33. Son B will take some attention away from him no matter your intention. This is about his feelings.
- That he like many men don't warm to what they see as drama. This is not to downplay you and your intentions and actions. It's just how men are wired.
- That he could feel there isn't the individual attention with you he once had.
- That your attention is all about son B.
So therefore, given the possibilities I would be considering any dialog towards him on a special individual basis. So much so that he will one day feel he can tell you how he is feeling and you can reassure him of you love and how special he is and even....how you struggled to keep him within your loving arms.
This might need extra effort like- making an appointment with him at a café near his home to meet for say 2 hours. Only then to visit his home and family. Him, alone. You can begin the conversation with some laughs and questions about his work, family, life then when you feel its time...."I suppose you are wondering why I've asked you here to be alone". Then open up but do it by asking questions - this includes him. "You are so very special to me. If you have any questions about you past, my past, I'm here to answer them right now".
This process might take say 20 minutes or more. Then "I hope you are glad we got all of that out of the way". Now, about you, how's everything else?" Notice how the focus is on him and him alone. Only talk about yourself if he asks a question.
I hope that helps Karen. As you say you have raised two buys with responsible lives. It's jus the small leaks that need "plugging".
Topic: nip it in the bud, ideas- beyondblue
Tony WK
