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A Common Story?

smallwolf
Community Champion
Community Champion

I was reading a couple of the other introductions earlier and could see a lot of myself in their stories. I am the generally the one that helps everyone, the one that has all the answers, the one that puts on a brave face, when underneath it is all turning to crap.

My anxiety ... future telling, finding problems that don't exist and my mind goes over and over these again and again. I know these thoughts are irrational and emotive, and yet these thought don't leave my head. I know that I am loved by family, but I just don't feel it or don't deserve it. Yin and Yang... one part of my head thinks irrationally and the other (logical side) know that it should not be the case.

With my psychologist started a happy memories session yesterday. Going through it I ended in tears. As helpful as it was, it seemed like one of the few memories in my life that seems to get overtaken by every other problem in a sea of black and those happy memories fade away. (I work from home as a software developer and have always been logical, even if a glass half empty. There is little/no thanks in the work I do anymore.)

I am tired and despondent in feeling this way. I hope that I am not complaining too much. Just want to know that I am not alone.


479 Replies 479

PamelaR
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Woohoo Wolfy!!! Awesome news for you. Love your drum roll.... can hear it from here.

Great to hear you're sitting in a coffee club. Not so good on the work front, but hey. You had your Greek lesson today and that was confusing but you'll get there!

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Smallwolf,

I wanted to answer your first post, but my mind got lost and mixed up with your words not understanding a few of them. It's not what you wrote it's just my strange mind and my capabilities,

Im really pleased that all your tests went good for you and you can now have some extra added peace in your mind, That's really great news., I am very happy for you.

I hope you are being gentle and kind to yourself and your treating yourself to a special coffee and some yummies while you are at the coffee shop. You deserve them so much with what you are going through.

My hubby was a Lead guitarist and he played the cub, pub circuit for many years playing the heavy rock/metal bands for many years, I can't listen to them now as I get triggered and cry not from sadness but anger about remembering him..but I did enjoy them earlier in my life, Simon and Garfunkel as well Leo Rojas playing the pan flute are my go to distraction music now.

I hope your evening is a good evening.

Please be kind to yourself always.

Kindness only

Grandy👼

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Oops I meant the previous post. Sorry.

Grandy.

Congratulations Wolfy on the PSA results.

You must be relieved. I'm glad to hear you're rewarding yourself mmm coffee. Is there cake too?

Sorry I didn't reply earlier. Have been a bit frazzled of late.

Nat

YAY Wolfy CONGRATULATIONS 😀 very hapoy with your results bet youre stoked woo hoo 👌

Been keeping an eye on your progress and also glad youre at coffee shop.

Hey you got a thankyou email. OMG!

You're sounding like you're cruising atm, happy for you budz ☺

Take good care ...all of you

Yes Grandy and Wolfy I like Simon and Garfunkel too...not anything heavy. Yeah Grandy was it you told me about Pan flute I did lusten (kiwi accent 😉) loved it xx

At home now... thanks for the kind words.

On the Greek - only confusing cause it is new stuff, and now the remember the rules! I could explain further but...

On the coffee shop... that was my little celebration with myself. There was no cake... why? because I typically find the cakes at coffee shops either too large or too heavy. A small sponge cake is nice, but not a slab.

On the music... its funny how we react to music. For me, something melancholic is my go to because it reminds me I am not alone, but also the different movements or transitions in the songs evoke different feeling such as anger, relief, happiness, sadness, grief, loss and sometimes all in the same song. Now a guy that has real emotion in his voice is called "The White Buffalo". Look him up if you get the chance.

Going to the browse the forums while in a good mood and try to spread the cheer. Tommorrow is a another day. and going to enjoy this moment.

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Smallwolf,

I should have asked you first, I hope it's okay.

I just shared your beautiful gift of the pond on my grounding thread.It helped me so much that day and thought your gift could help so many more as well.

I hope it was okay.

Kindness only

Grandy

smallwolf
Community Champion
Community Champion

Grandy,

Last time I checked, I gave it away for free (to you). I don't mind where you put it to be honest, except maybe give me a little credit where you post it. ie just say "Tim gave me this" or similar.

I think that if you can read it and be transported to a better place, if only for a moment in time, then its purpose is fulfilled. In fact that place could have been made larger, more colorful, more vibrant, a place in which you could really immerse yourself.

On the other hand, the size that it is, allows you to fill in some of those blanks yourself. For example, and somewhat of a rhetorical question...as you approach the pool and you see the water from the waterfall cascading into the pool below, what sounds do you hear? If the side where the waterfall is located is covered with rocks, what color are they? Are they smooth to the touch? Your imagination allows you and each person then to make it their own experience.

Use it as often as you need.... or maybe, later on, will find another place to rest.

Ggrand
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Smallwolf,

Thank you very much Smallwolf.

I did say that it was a gift from Smallwolf on the thread and also thanked you on the thread..I'm pleased it is okay with you, it helped me and may help others...again Thank you.

Kindness only,

Grandy..

demonblaster
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi all

Yes Wolfy its a lovely place think I commented on it in Grandys thread and thumbed it too if not meant to comment thought about it few times ☺

Yes and music takes us back to memories in our lives. I dont listen on a daily basis but like ut and love some.

Hope you're still doing well and lets hope some work issues start improving

The Greek sounds interesting what you were saying the different meanings. Good on you. Yeah English they says the hardest language to learn so many words with multiple meanings same sound.

Best to you all 😊