A Common Story?

[smallwolf]

I was reading a couple of the other introductions earlier and could see a lot of myself in their stories. I am the generally the one that helps everyone, the one that has all the answers, the one that puts on a brave face, when underneath it is all turning to crap.

My anxiety ... future telling, finding problems that don't exist and my mind goes over and over these again and again. I know these thoughts are irrational and emotive, and yet these thought don't leave my head. I know that I am loved by family, but I just don't feel it or don't deserve it. Yin and Yang... one part of my head thinks irrationally and the other (logical side) know that it should not be the case.

With my psychologist started a happy memories session yesterday. Going through it I ended in tears. As helpful as it was, it seemed like one of the few memories in my life that seems to get overtaken by every other problem in a sea of black and those happy memories fade away. (I work from home as a software developer and have always been logical, even if a glass half empty. There is little/no thanks in the work I do anymore.)

I am tired and despondent in feeling this way. I hope that I am not complaining too much. Just want to know that I am not alone.

[Music_Freak]

I'm not sure what to say, but I do want you to know that I am around.

Your post made me think of me about uni...I'm all over the place because of stress and negative thoughts etc. I can relate to the screaming inside one's head, that's for sure!

[smallwolf]

Pamela,

Note that I will never tell you to go away. I appreciate your honesty more than anything else. Tell you what I thought of your reply...

1. Firstly, it brought a smile to my face

2. Almost brought a tear to my eye

3. jumping (don't think to far ahead)

4. the balloons idea was not exactly eco-friendly

5. brought a smile to my face

the flowers are..... The are lilies. The flowers have not bloomed just yet. They are pinkish/purple/dark red color. Somewhere in that spectrum of colors. You just got me to ground myself with the flowers. Thanks.

Tim

[smallwolf]

MF, Thanks. Just knowing you are around is enough. Wife wont be home for another hour.

[PamelaR]

Yeah! Pleased to hear you're grounded and to hear I brought a smile to your face. That is lovely.

I guess your wife is home by now. So go get a cuddle and talk with her.

Ahhh, the helium balloons, quite right totally not eco-friendly. However, it was intended to be thought based rather than actuality. LOL, can just see you printing all the emails, sending them off in the basket tied to a balloon.

The lilies sound beautiful - the nice thing about them is they have a good life and will open as the days go on.

PamelaR

[Guest8901]

Dear Tim. Not much helpful advice, but wanted you to know I have been reading along.

You really are a very harsh task master for yourself arent you? Go a little easier on yourself please. Its all very well to set extremely high standards or goals for yourself, but you need to be realistic. And show patience and kindness to ourselves if we dont quite achieve the heights we want.

Have a productive heart to heart with your loving wife this evening. And dont forget what she told you - that they all love you. 💓 Any problems can be overcome with love as a strong basis.

Great to hear most side effects of the ADs have resolved.

Kindest thoughts

Amanda 💜

[CMF]

Hi Tim,

I'm walking through the valley with you also. I hear the screaming in yr head. The flowers are a beautiful thought. I'm so glad you have an understanding wife and a support network.

Hope today is better for you.

CMF x

[quirkywords]

Smallwolf,

I keep dropping in to read how you are going but don't post .

I am here though reading sometimes smiling often nearly crying and nodding and cheering you on.

I admire your honesty and determination.

I like the insight you have into your 'problems' , this is something I have lacked over the years.

You have a lot of support in this thread.

Once you said hot chocolate that was all I could smell and wanted to tasste. The Power of words.

Kind Thoughts

Quirky

[demonblaster]

Wolfy you're strong determined and courageous.

You have a lot going on in your life.

You have love and you have us walking with you too

We care about you. One step at a time

🌹

[PamelaR]

Hello Tim

Popping in to say HI!! Thinking of you. What's happening?

PamelaR

[Ggrand]

Hello Tim,

You have been a bit quiet and that's concerning.

Maybe just walk outside barefoot is good, feel the earth or grass under your feet, wriggleyour toes, go one get dirt or grass between your toes , look up at the clouds and watch them carelessly, calmly and ever so gently float across the blue sky, then while your standing bare feet, watching the clouds listen to the sweet sound of the birds that in the trees nearby smell the air, is it fresh, is their a scent of flowers in the air, smell the freshness of the winters air...Please Tim take time to breathe and most importantly take time for yourself..

Reading and walking alongside of you Tim, holding your hand if that's okay...I'm hoping your feeling better today and see and feel some light coming through..

Be Okay Tim..were all here with you.. hugs 🤗 if you like..

Grandy....xx