A Common Story?

[smallwolf]

I was reading a couple of the other introductions earlier and could see a lot of myself in their stories. I am the generally the one that helps everyone, the one that has all the answers, the one that puts on a brave face, when underneath it is all turning to crap.

My anxiety ... future telling, finding problems that don't exist and my mind goes over and over these again and again. I know these thoughts are irrational and emotive, and yet these thought don't leave my head. I know that I am loved by family, but I just don't feel it or don't deserve it. Yin and Yang... one part of my head thinks irrationally and the other (logical side) know that it should not be the case.

With my psychologist started a happy memories session yesterday. Going through it I ended in tears. As helpful as it was, it seemed like one of the few memories in my life that seems to get overtaken by every other problem in a sea of black and those happy memories fade away. (I work from home as a software developer and have always been logical, even if a glass half empty. There is little/no thanks in the work I do anymore.)

I am tired and despondent in feeling this way. I hope that I am not complaining too much. Just want to know that I am not alone.

[RadDad75]

Hi smallwolf,

Strength in numbers. Your turn to be helped. Vent away and get ready for helpful posts 🙂

[Doolhof]

Hi Everyone,

Smallwolf mentioned a toolkit, it certainly does help to have a few tools and strategies at hand for those tough days.

I don't know about you, some days I feel like I need to get the jumper leads out just to get me out of bed. Ha. Ha.

Before I get out of bed some mornings, I think about the positive things I can do that day to help me feel better about myself and my life.

Those negative thoughts can be pesky, would be great if we could just give them the flick. My psychologists says to try and turn the unhelpful thoughts into helpful ones and do something meaningful to provide myself with a sense of achievement.

Oh yer, I like Croix's Store Your Happy Memories Thread. If you have had a look already, check it out and add something if you like.

Cheers from Dools

[smallwolf]

Exercise... Not as much as I probably should.

Sleep... Last night was ok, but ok but on holidays. Otherwise I will wake between 1 and 2 and will stay awake for the next few hours before cat wakes me again at 4am for feeding. So sleep is broken. I get out of bed in the morning cause I have to, but irritable and grumpy and never happy, worrying about the next issue in my head. Email cause me grief panic. Lack of email makes me think they don't want to stress me out. Double whammy. Things easily stress me these days. Too easily.

So I need a toolkit to help me get through the days. And I get some comfort from the stories on the mighty FB page. I thought I was making it all up...til I went to doctor.

Funny thing was... I also found out that my father was on anti depressants and doc said these thing can be hereditary.

The emptiness remains, something missing that I am searching for. And (as a Christian) I find myself asking why God?

Sorry. Just venting again with random thoughts

[smallwolf]

Breathing techniques are a bit hit and miss at the moment. Psych said requires practice and may not get it immediately and that is also frustrating. So at the moment I rely on guided meditation. But there will come a time ? when I will have to confront the demons in my mind through meditation rather than running from them.

[smallwolf]

REBT... Again a hit and miss. Have issues reframing the disorder or negative thoughts. And even when I do, I have problems believing in the new thought or resolution.

Baby steps. At least that is what I tell myself. That is the logical part of me. Just. Need to convince the rest of me about that.

[Frantic1]

Smallwolf you are definitely not alone. I can totally relate to feeling tired and despondent. It is a constant struggle to push away the irrational and negative thoughts and find myself exhausted most of the time. Even though we tell ourselves that what we are thinking is irrational you are right, we have to believe it. One day at a time.

[demonblaster]

Hey all

Wolf what's REBT is it . . Breathing techniques?

I'll add to acronym thread

Caught up reading bbl ☺

[azarrah]

Can I just say, Small Wolf, you write absolutely beautifully. I can't explain what your writing evokes exactly,but you have a real gift. Perhaps because you have articulated so wonderfully that feeling which I sometimes have, but can't really express. I suppose it's a sort of melancholy, questioning emptiness. Thank you for that, and please keep on checking in.

[smallwolf]

REBT is rational emotive behaviour therapy. I don't have a sheet with me, but I can give an example.

Firstly there is a trigger. An email for example. That gives me a racing heart, and thinking the worst without knowing contents of email. There are physical and emotive consequences.

You then have to recognise the cognitive disorders. Again for me that would be future telling etc. These thoughts have to be reframed in order to create a new behaviour. For the email example a response might be to breathe and remember that you don't know the contents of email before reading.

There's stacks of stuff on Google on the topic.

[demonblaster]

Thx wolf so is that anxiety?

Yes I think emotional control is the way to go, our emotions are so powerful & when we slide into one directional mode thinking the habit is hard to break but think with persistence definately doable

Easier to deal if we know whats pulling us down before we can look at fixes which is where you're at

So emotive meaning emotional response?

Well explained btw ☺